What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

[Audax67]

For terribly awful politically incorrect and scatalogical Scottish humour I will recommend the "Still Game" series available to all via BBC iPlayer. Modern folk of a sensitive or soft southern jessie ilk may be shocked, horrified and traumatised, so best to watch The Vic of Dib instead (which is also very funny but ..... nice).

Aye, for 'nice' please apply to H. Imlach Esq. He even features NHS guidelines, to wit cod-liver oil and orange juice...

[toontra]

Nothing. Just had surgery and laughing is incredibly painful Had to tell everyone I speak to not to say anything humorous

[Audax67]

You're in no danger here then.

[toontra]

You're in no danger here then.

Stop it!

[Audax67]

Sorry!

No, really.

[peetee]

So what you are saying is you don’t want to be in stitches because you are in stitches.
Now that’s what I call an oxymoron.

[Cugel]

So what you are saying is you don’t want to be in stitches because you are in stitches.
Now that’s what I call an oxymoron.

Ha! But it's no joke being made to larf hard when one has a wound or break of significance. "Oh me sides" comes to have a different meaning from the usual.

I once fractured a rib and also bent the rib cage a bit. After 24 hours, it became excruciating as the various chest muscles attempted to both protect yet also pull right the crack and the bends. I found it impossible to both lie down and to get up again, which is a difficult condition to be in, oh yes.

I rang the NHS help line thingy for advice but got a medic with a perverse sense of humour, who told me there was no help for such a condition other than time .... but somehow involved me in a long conversation in which he told often hilarious broken rib jokes.

Cruel. that.

[peetee]

Not to worry, Cugel. I speak from experience as I too have been the victim of a cracked rib - and a sadistic older brother intent on putting me in great discomfort without lifting a finger.
You could say that while I was gasping for oxy he was being a moron.

[Cowsham]

When I was in hospital with 7 broken ribs my workmates rang me. I mentioned constipation due to a mix of morphine, intravenous paracetomal, tea and toast, the conversation migrated to the possibility of a forceps delivery. I had almost broke the remaining ribs before I hung up the phone. Painful !

[Cowsham]

Getting life in prison for making this

Looks like something made on Blue Peter with two toilet roll holders and some sticky back plastic.

I belong to the model aircraft fraternity but this takes model building disasters to a whole new level.

He does look a bit disappointed with the result

Maybe send that kit back to Airfix.

[Mike Sales]

When I was in hospital with 7 broken ribs my workmates rang me. I mentioned constipation due to a mix of morphine, intravenous paracetomal, tea and toast, the conversation migrated to the possibility of a forceps delivery. I had almost broke the remaining ribs before I hung up the phone. Painful !

I did not move my bowels for a couple of months while in a hospital bed. The uncontrolled relief happened whilst I was asleep and dreaming! The nurses were unsympathetic, then and in general.
My dream involved the emergence of a multistage rocket. Eventually I realised from where it was emerging. Then I woke up.

[Cowsham]

When I was in hospital with 7 broken ribs my workmates rang me. I mentioned constipation due to a mix of morphine, intravenous paracetomal, tea and toast, the conversation migrated to the possibility of a forceps delivery. I had almost broke the remaining ribs before I hung up the phone. Painful !

I did not move my bowels for a couple of months while in a hospital bed. The uncontrolled relief happened whilst I was asleep and dreaming! The nurses were unsympathetic, then and in general.
My dream involved the emergence of a multistage rocket. Eventually I realised from where it was emerging.

I'd call that 'A Space Odyssey' event you were having!

I'd have passed away without having passed anything for a couple of months. How could anyone survive without no. 2's for two months? You mustn't have ate anything ?

[Mike Sales]

When I was in hospital with 7 broken ribs my workmates rang me. I mentioned constipation due to a mix of morphine, intravenous paracetomal, tea and toast, the conversation migrated to the possibility of a forceps delivery. I had almost broke the remaining ribs before I hung up the phone. Painful !

I did not move my bowels for a couple of months while in a hospital bed. The uncontrolled relief happened whilst I was asleep and dreaming! The nurses were unsympathetic, then and in general.
My dream involved the emergence of a multistage rocket. Eventually I realised from where it was emerging.

I'd have passed away without having passed anything for a couple of months. How could anyone survive without no. 2's for two months? You mustn't have ate anything ?

Not a lot. There is a scale for faeces consistency. Mine must have been at one extreme.

In hospital I listened to enough complaints from other patients to develop an aversion to boring people with my own.

[Cowsham]

I did not move my bowels for a couple of months while in a hospital bed. The uncontrolled relief happened whilst I was asleep and dreaming! The nurses were unsympathetic, then and in general.
My dream involved the emergence of a multistage rocket. Eventually I realised from where it was emerging.

I'd have passed away without having passed anything for a couple of months. How could anyone survive without no. 2's for two months? You mustn't have ate anything ?

Not a lot. There is a scale for faeces consistency. Mine must have been at one extreme.

A Space Odyssey

[cycleruk]