Interfering stranger lecturing my son about bike clothing

[eileithyia]

I think being told off for something you know is poor behaviour is rather different to being 'told off' for something that is purely based on someone's own personal opinion of how you are dressed. Am sure the poor lad was very non-plussed by the conversation. I am sure I would have been at 10, and doubt I would have had the life experience to explain why I was wearing such apparel. Indeed when I am accosted now about my non-helmet wearing I am often taken aback and am left thinking of all the clever answers I could have given after the event.....

I would not have been happy if I knew my 10yo had been approached in such a way and was put out by the comments.

[Xilter]

I would have Found myself resisting the temptatoin to simply state... but helmets are VERY useful. And then battered him around the head with mine, And told him he should have been wearing one.

[bovlomov]

The approach is what marks it out as interfering, I think. If it had been an aside: "Don't you young 'uns realise that it's possible to ride a bike without all that lycra and helmet?" (he has a point, by the way), then it could have been laughed off or ignored. I mean, that's what old people are supposed to do: offer unwelcome advice. I remember being told off for having hair too long, for being scruffy, for climbing up a ladder all wrong, for painting a window in the wrong order - all by passing old blokes who I thought should have minded their own business.

Approaching the boy on his own seems more intrusive. But perhaps the man has a personality disorder, or is taking medication that removes inhibitions.

[thirdcrank]

I presume this uninvited advice could have been about anything from the benefits of mudguards to not wearing shorts when there's an "R" in the month. A lot of things are going on here, including stranger danger and plain unsociability.

There's an item on the BBC website triggered by a breast-feeding mum feeling obliged to stand on a train.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45432583

The last time I offered a woman a seat I wished the floor would open and swallow me up. My mother, rid of inhibitions in old age, would offer unsolicited advice to anybody about dropping litter, childcare or anything of which she disapproved. She seemed to think I would protect her from any consequences, unaware that I had grown old at the same rate as her but twenty-five years behind.

These days, I keep myself to myself. Eyes front.

[bovlomov]

These days, I keep myself to myself. Eyes front.

I think you owe it to your mother to continue where she left off.

Advice to young mothers about childcare is a staple of bus travel. You could start by approaching a mother of a crying baby and promoting gin as a cure for colic.

[Xilter]

The last time I offered a woman a seat I wished the floor would open and swallow me up.

Side track. But this twitches a nerve. Saw it happen to my friends younger brother (about 6y/o) when he opened a door for a woman. She scoffed at him and said woman aren’t invalids and she refused to walk through the door. He was so embarrassed and didn’t know what to do.

Had to tell her to pull her head out of her [removed] and consider that being taught the gesture had nothing to do with her at all, particularly less about her capability. But rather about instilling respect for others particularly women so perhaps when the lad is grown up in hope that he might one day respect his wife.

[mumbojumbo]

I read the detailed description and almost fell asleep.if you wear garish lycra people feel moved to comment.Some people feel they have carte blanche to make pejorative remarks about cyclists.MNy advice is ignore them and they will feel frustrated.However a witty comment can be quite useful,but sometimes these prove elusive.

[fionat]

Interesting article here about the Dutch and their attitude to cycling

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/ ... astructure

Hopping on a bike to ride to shops/school/work no more makes you a cyclist than walking to the station makes you a rambler - so you don't need special clothes/helmets/safety equipment.

I suspect that was the point the man was trying to make, although it was untactful and interfering, and I think in doing 33 miles your son is more than entitled to call himself a cyclist!

But I do like the Dutch attitude - if cycling were just another way of getting about, without requiring changing into sports clothes, that would be a really positive step.

[The utility cyclist]

The last time I offered a woman a seat I wished the floor would open and swallow me up.

Side track. But this twitches a nerve. Saw it happen to my friends younger brother (about 6y/o) when he opened a door for a woman. She scoffed at him and said woman aren’t invalids and she refused to walk through the door. He was so embarrassed and didn’t know what to do.

Had to tell her to pull her head out of her [removed] and consider that being taught the gesture had nothing to do with her at all, particularly less about her capability. But rather about instilling respect for others particularly women so perhaps when the lad is grown up in hope that he might one day respect his wife.

Hang on, you were threating physical assault on an elderly gent in your previous post for simply giving advice

I would have Found myself resisting the temptatoin to simply state... but helmets are VERY useful. And then battered him around the head with mine, And told him he should have been wearing one.

Now you're threatening a woman because she didn't need help and you gave her some advice of your own.
Maybe she should have physically assaulted you for that interfering 'advice' eh, make sure to wear a helmet when you stick your oar in, heeding your own comment right!

[Xilter]

I did no such thing as to threaten an elderly man at all. Simply that the thought would have crossed my mind. To hav3 a thought and then reject it is not in any way assault.

As for the woman. If she will insist on belittling children for trying to be polite I see no wrong in telling her off

[Cugel]

I read the detailed description and almost fell asleep.if you wear garish lycra people feel moved to comment.Some people feel they have carte blanche to make pejorative remarks about cyclists.MNy advice is ignore them and they will feel frustrated.However a witty comment can be quite useful,but sometimes these prove elusive.

I wear clothes of a less than fashionable kind most of the time. Even the cyclist garb has too much merino and not enough polystyrene for some. Long ago I derived a retort to those fashion-victims who carp at my outmodish styles and body-drapes .....

Fashion victim: "Ooh, lookit them leggings; have you just got out of bed and forgot to take off your 'jamas? And that cycling jersey is not a Sky one".

Cugel: "Well, Madame, I will refrain from commenting on your own amusing outfit, especially those shoes, but I feel that I must point out that I can change my leggings and even the jersey .... but what are you going to do about that ugly thing on top of your neck, especially the lopsided snoot and the proto-wart thereupon"?

Or words to that effect - feel free to shorten the response to something more pithy.

Cugel

[100%JR]

I've been offline for a few days and just read the new posts.Generally positive but there are some things i take issue with mostly from utility cyclist who somehow seems blame me for this???I

I just think the OP has reacted far worse than the child did tbh which made matters worse, that's because he was extremely angry that someone challenged his authority, his strict way of thinking regarding cycling helmets.

So you have deduced this from what?
I won't quote everyone of your posts UC but I said i didn't want this to turn into a helmet debate but you do seem hell bent on doing just that.I am not interested in your views re helmets.I have my reasons for wearing helmets you have yours for not.Leave it at that.This thread isn't about helmets.

There's a discernable difference between presenting an alternate point of view and telling off a child.

p.s. I think that the OP said he was annoyed, which is also different from 'extremely angry'.

How do you know it was a 'telling off'? How does the OP, they interpreted what their child said that someone gave them a different view that they didn't have to wear all the gear like BW, why is that interpreted as a 'telling off'?

Different viewpoint, not telling you off is it?
Sorry but I don't agree that it's a telling off.

PS, the OP used the Evil or very mad icon, so yes, very angry.

You're wrong again.Maybe my use of emoji could have been better but I was not angry never mind very angry.Had I been very angry I would have gone over to the bloke and decked him.You were not there so let's not assume ok?Re-read post #1 and I think you'll find it says I was "quite annoyed".

Compare "You shouldnt be wearing a helmet" to "You know that it is absolutely fine to ride without a helmet".

I agree totally but had the bloke come over when I was there and threw it in a conversation I would have no problem with it.He didn't,he approached my son when on his own.The very fact he did this when i was not there would indicate he was having a bit of a dig.
As I said in the OP this wasn't just about the helmet but about his kit in general.I don't understand the Bradley Wiggins remark as he wasn't wearing Team Sky/Wiggins/GB kit anyway he was wearing his Cycling Club kit.When we go out on the Road bikes he wears his club kit and I wear mine.I don't force him to wear it he wears it because he's proud to represent his club.He only wears his CC kit when on his road bike.
Anyway I don't think this has bothered him long term.He's the total opposite to me and is a bit of a shy lad which is why he possibly let it get to him on the day.

[nirakaro]

Advice I was once given -
The only advice that's ever welcome is advice that's been asked for.

[Cyril Haearn]

I did no such thing as to threaten an elderly man at all. Simply that the thought would have crossed my mind. To hav3 a thought and then reject it is not in any way assault.

As for the woman. If she will insist on belittling children for trying to be polite I see no wrong in telling her off

You could have expressed it differently
I rather like the suggestion to put ones h****t where the sun doesnae shine, surely that is obviously meant "humorously"? Or maybe not?

[531colin]

Advice I was once given -
The only advice that's ever welcome is advice that's been asked for.

I find that most people who ask "advice" only want their own prejudices confirmed.