Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Flinders
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Flinders » 10 Aug 2018, 6:51pm

Audax67 wrote:Not a joke, but a true story:

Emilien Amaury, the press baron, sometime Minister for Colonies, Pétainiste chief of propaganda, founder of l'Equipe newspaper and original owner of the Tour de France, died in 1977 after being thrown by his horse. One of his favourite sayings was "News need not be exact but it must be shocking".

Charlie Hébdo's headline: "A swine is dead".

Libération's: "The horse is OK".


I wish we could do likes too, for this one. :lol:

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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 10 Aug 2018, 7:13pm

The British Weak Bladder Society has just launched a telephone helpline.

Calls cost one pee per minute.
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Pastychomper
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Pastychomper » 14 Aug 2018, 4:00pm

I found a piece of amber in a stream. There was an ancient parasite preserved inside.

It was the oldest tick in the brook.
Everyone's ghast should get a good flabbering now and then.
--Ole Boot

landsurfer
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby landsurfer » 14 Aug 2018, 7:41pm

Army guy, Navy guy and a RAF guy are having a briefing before they deploy to Afghanistan;

"Army, what is your mission when you deploy from the helio?" Secure the area, post guards and sentries and erect tents. Sir !

"Navy, if you have to deploy your Marines what is your mission?" View INTEL, insert the Marine team into the area, provide support while they get the area secured and put their tents up. Captain.

"RAF, what is your first priority ?" ...... Well i'm wondering what the hell the tent is doing in my hotel room !!!!!
The Road Goes On Forever.

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 16 Aug 2018, 5:05pm

Where does a policeperson live?
999 Letsby Avenue

What does she have for tea?
Truncheon meat
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 16 Aug 2018, 5:36pm

Spinners wrote:The British Weak Bladder Society has just launched a telephone helpline.

Calls cost one pee per minute.

Only 1p a minute?
More like 3p a minute! :oops:
Mick F. Cornwall

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Sep 2018, 5:08pm

Some animals got into conversation

- I am a wolf-hound, mother wolf, father hound, what are you?

- I am a sheep-dog, mother sheep, father dog, what are you?

- I am a horse-fly..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott

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gaz
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby gaz » 7 Sep 2018, 8:11pm

brynpoeth wrote:Where does a policeperson live?

Letsby.png
Letsby Avenue

https://www.google.com/maps/place/South ... -1.3995552

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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 7 Sep 2018, 8:20pm

I love 70's music so I went to a Hot Chocolate buffet this lunchtime... it started with a quiche.
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pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 8 Sep 2018, 4:27pm

We've finally received a confirmed message from another life form in the Galaxy. They live on a planet 12 light years away and are keen to hear from anyone on earth who has been mis-sold PPI....

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[XAP]Bob
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby [XAP]Bob » 10 Sep 2018, 12:25pm

gaz wrote:
brynpoeth wrote:Where does a policeperson live?

Letsby.png
https://www.google.com/maps/place/South ... -1.3995552


Awesome...
A shortcut has to be a challenge, otherwise it would just be the way. No situation is so dire that panic cannot make it worse.
There are two kinds of people in this world: those can extrapolate from incomplete data.

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 21 Sep 2018, 8:52pm

"Why does the giraffe have such a long neck?" asked the teacher
There was silence for an moment, then one of the boys at the the back suggested: "so she cannae smell her feet?"
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 21 Sep 2018, 8:58pm

Audax67 wrote:Not a joke, but a true story:

Emilien Amaury, the press baron, sometime Minister for Colonies, Pétainiste chief of propaganda, founder of l'Equipe newspaper and original owner of the Tour de France, died in 1977 after being thrown by his horse. One of his favourite sayings was "News need not be exact but it must be shocking".

Charlie Hébdo's headline: "A swine is dead".

Libération's: "The horse is OK".

More French jokes please, does French humour work in English, do you have any about MacRon?
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott

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fausto copy
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Location: Pembrokeshire

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 21 Sep 2018, 11:06pm

Thought he was Scottish. :)

Bonefishblues
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Bonefishblues » 22 Sep 2018, 7:51am

gaz wrote:
brynpoeth wrote:Where does a policeperson live?

Letsby.png
https://www.google.com/maps/place/South ... -1.3995552

Nice to see a sense of humour amongst Plod :)