Cycling jokes

[Cyril Haearn]

After Windsor the american took a Sadiq Sycle tour of London
The guide pointed out the London Wheel, the Houses of Parliament, Victoria Station, the Gherkin.. The american was not impressed
- everything is so small and cute! he moaned
Then the tour passed St Pauls Cathedral
- Gee, what is that gigantic building? gasped the ami
- no idea, it wasn't there last week! countered the guide

[Cyril Haearn]

An old one from the DDR

Why do the police patrol in groups of three?
One can read
One can write
The third keeps an eye on those two intellectuals

[Cyril Haearn]

- mum, can I have a quid for the bus ticket into town?

- sorry love, I only have a fiver

- okay, I will take a taxi instead

[reohn2]

An old one from the DDR

Why do the police patrol in groups of three?
One can read
One can write
The third keeps an eye on those two intellectuals

One from Romania during the Cheausecu era "if you see a queue join it"

[Cyril Haearn]

Why couldn't the man make his bicycle stand up? Because it was too tired.

I'm having a terrible job with my dog: he chases anybody on a bike. What did you do? I took his bike away.

both courtesy of "(Pam) Ayres on the Air" that was on Radio4 Extra when I couldn't sleep. The entire episode was about bikes, and it seemed as though she had genuinely ridden one and knew the terminology.

- my dog is so intelligent! She reads the newspaper every morning

- I know, my dog told me

[Grandad]

A collections of the incomparable Johnny Helms cartoons

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Round-the-Be ... Swyi9Z8OgZ

I'm only posting this link as I already have the book

[Cyril Haearn]

What does a policeperson have in his sandwiches?

Truncheon meat!

[mercalia]

What does a policeperson have in his sandwiches?

Truncheon meat!

what does a policeman have in his sandwiches?

Sausage meat

[Cyril Haearn]

Where does a policeperson reside?

999 Lletsby Avenue

[Geoff.D]

A Bob Monkhouse classic, during a stand-up routine -

When I was small I told my family I wanted to be a comedian, and they all laughed.
Well........they're not laughing now!

[Geoff.D]

Another Bob Monkhouse classic -

A pessimist and an optimist were walking down the street together.
"Things can't get any worse" said the pessimist.
"Oh yes they can" replied the optimist.

[Annoying Twit]

How many cyclists does it take to change a light bulb?
About 50,000 to change every bulb in their houses as soon as someone invents a lightbulb thats half a gram lighter than the old ones.

How do you know if there's a cyclist at the door?
The glow from all the hi-vis penetrates even solid oak.

Why are cyclists' houses so dark at night?
Nobody has invented transparent carbon fibre yet, but glass as a material for light bulbs is so last century.

[Cyril Haearn]

Driving with a Young Person as passenger

She wanted to hear radio 1, I wanted to hear radio 4

We compromised by tuning to radio 2