Cycling jokes

[Ash28]

What do you call a cyclist with a rabbit up his bum.......Warren.

[reohn2]

What do you call someone who cycles inside a paper bag?
Russell.
What do you call a singing cyclist with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
What do you call a cyclist who can't swim?
Bob
What do call a female cyclist with a pint of beer balanced on her head and a snooker cue tucked under her arm?
Beatrix Potter

[reohn2]

How many cyclists does it take to change a light bulb?
Non,I'm LED to believe

[mercalia]

What do you call a female cyclist with a car up her bum.......Marina

[Ash28]

Ash the cyclist rode to work with one of those pollution masks on today.

How does he smell with that thing on ?

Ruddy awful.

[Geoff.D]

How many cyclists does it take to change a light bulb?
Non,I'm LED to believe

[Geoff.D]

What do you call someone going to the tip again, on their bike?

A Recyclist

[mercalia]

what do you call a cyclist with an off shore account?
some one who should get a Porshe

what does the offshore account holder say to the taxman?
I am so poor I need to take out loans to get by on

what does the offshore account holder say to the family on benefits who take out a payday loan?
so do I!

what have these three to be smug about?

not much soon I hope

[Cyril Haearn]

what do you call a cyclist with an off shore account?
some one who should get a Porshe

what does the offshore account holder say to the taxman?
I am so poor I need to take out loans to get by on

what does the offshore account holder say to the family on benefits who take out a payday loan?
so do I!

what have these three to be smug about?
smiling.JPG
not much soon I hope

Who are the three please? (names) diolch

[mercalia]

what do you call a cyclist with an off shore account?
some one who should get a Porshe

what does the offshore account holder say to the taxman?
I am so poor I need to take out loans to get by on

what does the offshore account holder say to the family on benefits who take out a payday loan?
so do I!

what have these three to be smug about?
smiling.JPG
not much soon I hope

Who are the three please? (names) diolch

"Three stars of hit BBC sitcom Mrs Brown's Boys diverted more than £2m into an offshore tax-avoidance scheme, Paradise Papers documents show.

Patrick Houlihan and Martin and Fiona Delany transferred their fees into companies in Mauritius and sent money back as loans.

Similar tax avoidance schemes have been subject to investigation and challenges by HMRC in recent years.

The actors have not responded to requests for comment. Roy Lyness, who put the stars in touch with the advisers behind the set-up, was the accountant behind the similar K2 tax avoidance scheme used by comedian Jimmy Carr."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-41886608
If you read the article you are told of the scam they used - pay the money into an offshore account that "lends" it back to them as a tax free loan - hence all the jokes about loans

[rmurphy195]

Neither are funny I think, likewise the one about destroying bikes
In politics a sensitivity to harassment and inappropriate *humour* is developing, that would be good here too

Can you please explain in what way you feel the joke was harassment or inappropriate?

Alliston?

[reohn2]

Neither are funny I think, likewise the one about destroying bikes
In politics a sensitivity to harassment and inappropriate *humour* is developing, that would be good here too

Can you please explain in what way you feel the joke was harassment or inappropriate?

Alliston?

Youve just destroyed any form of humour

To explain,a while back I posted a joke:- How many women with PMT does it take to change a light bulb.
Answer, JUST ONE!!
Someone one the forum took took exception to it because his wife suffered from severe PMT.
It made no difference to him when I explained that my wife and youngest daughter who told me the joke also suffered severe PMT
You can't please all the people all the time,and you can't walk about on eggshells for all time.
A joke is funny when it's funny to the person who hears,sees or reads it and not to others.When we begin to analyse and make unintended connections the humour is lost.
It's either funny or its not,to you.

[Cyril Haearn]

An american tourist was shown Windsor Castle

- Gee, that's a cute little cottage! But why was it built so close to the airport?

[reohn2]

An american tourist was shown Windsor Castle

- Gee, that's a cute little cottage! But why was it built so close to the airport?

Donald Trump was being shown around Wigan by the mayor.
The mayor asked him "what do you think of my home town"?
He replied "I think Wigan is the assshole of England"
The mayor asked of him "just passing through are you"?



He didn't get it

[Cyril Haearn]

An american tourist was shown Windsor Castle

- Gee, that's a cute little cottage! But why was it built so close to the airport?

Donald Trump was being shown around Wigan by the mayor.
The mayor asked him "what do you think of my home town"?
He replied "I think Wigan is the assshole of England"
The mayor asked of him "just passing through are you"?



He didn't get it

+1!
But someone from Derby told me that he came from the buttock-orifice of England, it is at the bottom of the backbone of England (the Pennines)
Doubtless many other towns aspire to the title