When I'm dead .........

[Mick F]

I have no intention (or expectation) of dying.

If you have no expectation of dying you are sadly misguided....

Do you actually expect to die?
I would only expect it if I had a terminal illness and was informed about it and how long I could expect to live. Other than that, it would be a complete surprise. No expectation at all.

I agree that it's inevitable that I will eventually die, but I don't expect it.

[NATURAL ANKLING]

Hi,
Yeah but no but yeah but no but, if you don’t write it into you or will it might never happen.
Simply relying on your family to get it right is not good enough, they might have their own ideas on how they want to remember you, They might secretly be religious or even Wish to bury you.

Of course when your dead its not really going to matter is it.
P.S. Your wish is written into Your will it might save a bit of argy-bargy when you’re dead like bickering over the remains

Edited – real bad grammar typed by voice

[thirdcrank]

As I've posted before, last wishes can be unintentionally hard to fulfil. My late sister-in-law made her own DIY will using the form in a will kit. There was a space for disposal of remains, which she filled in saying she wanted her ashes scattered on the beach at Thornham in Norfolk. Not as easy as it sounds for an executor living in Leeds, especially as I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have bothered if there had been no space on the form.

[ambodach]

My late wife specified that she wanted a white rose planted on her grave. Never thought that was not possible as the deer eat anything organic ie all plants and flowers. They regard the place as some kind of snack bar. Plastic ones are not edible but not really the same. I have arranged things so that when I am not there to care for it the grave will revert to a simple headstone and nothing else.

[gbnz]

I would only expect it if I had a terminal illness and was informed about it and how long I could expect to live. Other than that, it would be a complete surprise. No expectation at all..

+1

Technically I'm told I died in 2004 (Nb. A head injury, while I was wearing a safety helmet ). And then I came within a minute or so of doing the same again back in October (Nb. A drowning following a brain seizure, which if it hadn't been for an on the ball life guard would have been the end, the acute medical unit estimating that I had just over a minute left).

I had no expectation of dying on either occasion and no conscious knowledge that I was doing so. Quite pleasing in a way, I hope my death while on the bike will be as pleasant and painfree! Otherwise just another couple of decades to go until I can start claiming my pensions

[Cyril Haearn]

If one is lucky dying might be just like falling asleep and not waking up

Most people are not lucky, they have a relatively long period of decline and incapacity at the end

I would like to know when I shall die, it would make financial planning easy, maybe I could even retire early (now )

[Tangled Metal]

I knew someone who died on the side of a mountain with a drained cup of tea in their hand having just had their lunch halfway through a run across a decent distance of the Lakeland fells. Massive coronary that the Post mortem determined would have been a complete lights out no pain event.

She was about 70 and still capable of running a marathon distance cross the Lakeland fells for fun.

I think in some ways that's preferable to a long, drawn out old age with dementia and a horrible death in a nursing home bed struggling to breathe and in pain. On the other hand it only works if you've planned your death / funeral before hand and doesn't work because your loved ones don't get to say goodbye. That alone worries me. If my death is such that those left behind struggle to get closure it's not a good death IMHO. It's more important that those surviving you who care about you have as easy a time as possible.

[Cyril Haearn]

The Sepulkralkultur Museum in Kassel Germany is worth a visit, there is info in English in the www too

I do love visiting cemeteries, they might be full of dead people but they are interesting beautiful places, lots of plants, birds, memorials. Fortunately they are protected and may not be used to build dwellings

Mick F, you have a few decades yet, what prompted you to start this thread? Your Estate would have to be dealt with promptly, the trees would obliterate everything in a couple of years

Chucking dead bodies into the abandoned mine-shafts is an interesting idea, but why are the shafts not secured to stop one falling in by accident?

[philvantwo]

The air will certainly be a lot cleaner in Gunnislake when mick F's fire goes out.

[djnotts]

Funerals are not for the deceased, they are not there. They are for the living. My wife died in August. She would never really say what SHE wanted, despite knowing what was coming for some months. So, went for simplest basic - yes, cheapest - "conventional" cremation. Luckily we all three agreed. No limos, no religion. Still 3 grand. The funeral directors were just lovely - no sales pitch. I wrote the eulogy, read by the female celebrant and our daughter - I couldn't face it. Simple remembrance plaque in communal raised shrubbery bed.

"We" felt as good about it as was ever going to be possible, so it worked for us. It would not for all.

My current prognosis is that I shall follow within 6-12 months. The finale will be a repeat of my wife's.

[Mick F]

Mick F, you have a few decades yet, what prompted you to start this thread? Your Estate would have to be dealt with promptly, the trees would obliterate everything in a couple of years

Chucking dead bodies into the abandoned mine-shafts is an interesting idea, but why are the shafts not secured to stop one falling in by accident?

There were a couple of local funerals over the past couple of weeks. We knew the them.

It could be that I may be killed by the damned trees! Widow Makers, I think they're called.

Most shafts are secured, but not all by any means. There's one locally that is hundreds of fathoms deep and open at the top behind an old wall. Clitters Mine.
http://www.ukminingremains.co.uk/#/gunn ... 4554459617

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@50.52577 ... 312!8i6656
Dumping of rubbish prohibited!

[thirdcrank]

Funerals are not for the deceased, they are not there. They are for the living. My wife died in August. She would never really say what SHE wanted, despite knowing what was coming for some months. So, went for simplest basic - yes, cheapest - "conventional" cremation. Luckily we all three agreed. No limos, no religion. Still 3 grand. The funeral directors were just lovely - no sales pitch. I wrote the eulogy, read by the female celebrant and our daughter - I couldn't face it. Simple remembrance plaque in communal raised shrubbery bed.

"We" felt as good about it as was ever going to be possible, so it worked for us. It would not for all.

My current prognosis is that I shall follow within 6-12 months. The finale will be a repeat of my wife's.

First, I hope that things turn out better than you anticipate.

You are right that funerals are for those who remain but most people want to fulfil the deceased wishes. I arranged my mother's funeral and one of my memories from the earliest days was her urging not to be talked into extravagence by undertakers. So after nearly 70 years of that, I felt OK going for the Co-op's basic funeral and insisting on no extras. Although flower arranging was one of her hobbies, she was also against the waste of cut flowers for funeral. One family member couldn't bear the thought of a coffin with no flowers so in that instance the feelings of a survivor prevailed. One of her five grandchildren suggested they should carry her into the crem chapel and I made number six. We all knew that that would really have pleased her.

Within a few weeks of that my wife's sister unmarried sister died and we arranged that funeral as well. Their brother took no part in the arrangements but grumbled throughout the ceremony about what we had done and continued afterwards at the pub in front of a hundred of my sister-in-laws former colleagues. By coincidence, one of her neighbours who attended worked at the crem and said that arguments were common and he had witnessed more than one fight inside the chapel.

In the space of a few weeks we used two separate branches of the Co-op and we found the service - both customer service and committal service by the celebrant - excellent. I fancy that the Co-op is the only thing that's preventing the cost of funerals rising out of control so I hope they don't sell off the undertaking business.

Once again, my best wishes with what lies ahead for you.

[djnotts]

"In the space of a few weeks we used two separate branches of the Co-op and we found the service - both customer service and committal service by the celebrant - excellent."

FWIW I also used the Co-op - and excellent is exactly right. The on-the-day Director was, by chance, female and we suspected when not working a goth (hints in clothes, hair, jewellery etc) - my wife would have liked that, as did I and the children! Unconventional to the end was perfect.

PS Thank you for the "Once again, my best wishes with what lies ahead for you."

[thirdcrank]

On reflection, I hope that my praise of the Co-op funeral service doesn't come across as being motivated by cost-cutting. We used two different branches and in both cases, the people we dealt with - one at each branch giving us continuing service, no passing around - listened to what we wanted and provided it, without any attempt to persuade us to do anything else. They also judged our mood and acted appropriately. In our case, both deaths were something of a release: my mother was 95 and had lived independently till she went into care in the last year of her life; my sister-in-law was only 65, but had ignored the symptoms of cancer so she had a grim last few months. I'm pretty sure that if we had been grief-stricken, they'd have been able to deal with that appropriately too. And in a sincere way.

Top notch service.

[Cyril Haearn]

Trauerfeier, 'misery party', is the German word for funeral

Read an article about funeral directors, one said he was fascinated by death, another said he had lost a young friend suddenly, that prompted him to choose the job
It is important not to get too involved, but it seems a rewarding job where one can help people

I think the gravedigger was an important, respected, wise member of village communities

Nearly everything is scored in the interweb, funeral directors too, that should put the brakes on prices