djnotts wrote:Funerals are not for the deceased, they are not there. They are for the living. My wife died in August. She would never really say what SHE wanted, despite knowing what was coming for some months. So, went for simplest basic - yes, cheapest - "conventional" cremation. Luckily we all three agreed. No limos, no religion. Still 3 grand. The funeral directors were just lovely - no sales pitch. I wrote the eulogy, read by the female celebrant and our daughter - I couldn't face it. Simple remembrance plaque in communal raised shrubbery bed.
"We" felt as good about it as was ever going to be possible, so it worked for us. It would not for all.
My current prognosis is that I shall follow within 6-12 months. The finale will be a repeat of my wife's.
First, I hope that things turn out better than you anticipate.
You are right that funerals are for those who remain but most people want to fulfil the deceased wishes. I arranged my mother's funeral and one of my memories from the earliest days was her urging not to be talked into extravagence by undertakers. So after nearly 70 years of that, I felt OK going for the Co-op's basic funeral and insisting on no extras. Although flower arranging was one of her hobbies, she was also against the waste of cut flowers for funeral. One family member couldn't bear the thought of a coffin with no flowers so in that instance the feelings of a survivor prevailed. One of her five grandchildren suggested they should carry her into the crem chapel and I made number six. We all knew that that would really have pleased her.
Within a few weeks of that my wife's sister unmarried sister died and we arranged that funeral as well. Their brother took no part in the arrangements but grumbled throughout the ceremony about what we had done and continued afterwards at the pub in front of a hundred of my sister-in-laws former colleagues. By coincidence, one of her neighbours who attended worked at the crem and said that arguments were common and he had witnessed more than one fight inside the chapel.
In the space of a few weeks we used two separate branches of the Co-op and we found the service - both customer service and committal service by the celebrant - excellent. I fancy that the Co-op is the only thing that's preventing the cost of funerals rising out of control so I hope they don't sell off the undertaking business.
Once again, my best wishes with what lies ahead for you.