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Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 21 Dec 2018, 2:56pm
by fausto copy
I've always stipulated that at my funeral I want no-one to wear a tie at my funeral service :)
I've always felt strangled and half-dead by wearing one and hate the damn things, so don't want anyone to suffer, imagining them to be stood around in a meaningless church service.

However.....
our dearly beloved friend Jean always joked that she'd already bought her wicker basket coffin and it was waiting at the bottom of her bed.
After a tragic death Jean's wishes were carried outing she was buried at a beautiful green burial site in mid-Wales, with husband Syd transporting her in the back of their car. The proceedings were lovely, with Syd giving an account of their lives together and I was honoured to be able to say a few words about our friendship before Jean was buried with just loved ones around.
Sadly, Syd took his own life a couple of months later and the process was repeated.
Despite the tragedy of their passing, several of us have since spoken out how moving and natural the process was and we are now considering something similar for ourselves.

On the other hand, another lovely artist friend Tom died last month aged 92 and there was a "service" at the crem.
We never realised one could have it without a minister or whatever, but that is what happened.
Tom's two daughters "officiated" and his grandchildren gave readings. A family friend sang a favourite song with the rest of us joining in with the chorus.
All the while, there were photos of Tom and his family projected on to a screen and finally a poem written by Tom was read out.
No religion, prayers, hymns etc....just a rather moving and meaningful way to say goodbye to a wonderful chap.
Then back to his house for wonderful food and chat and an opportunity to obtain one of his many paintings in exchange for donations to local charities.

So, my earlier stipulation of no ties being worn pales into into insignificance, compared to the event itself and it's good to know one can tailor it to how one sees fit.

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 21 Dec 2018, 3:07pm
by brynpoeth
Grownups are allowed to cry :wink:

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 5 Jan 2019, 5:31pm
by thirdcrank
Seems they are a generous lot in Cornwall

Praze an Beeble residents pay for local man's funeral

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-46750732

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 5 Jan 2019, 5:43pm
by brynpoeth
Might be worth looking at mortality statistics to try to puzzle out how long one has left

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 5 Jan 2019, 6:38pm
by Mick F
thirdcrank wrote:Seems they are a generous lot in Cornwall.

Yep! :D
I hope no-one spends any money on mine, other than spending it over the bar.

Praze is a nice little village. Cross roads and a village green.
That's not me BTW.
https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@50.17376 ... 312!8i6656

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 5 Jan 2019, 10:45pm
by NATURAL ANKLING
Hi,
No one can be forced to pay for another's funeral I think?
Not sure your married partner is liable either?
But if you have an estate will the law take your money before the will is read?

In any event paupers funeral, got to be cremation is paid by council.

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 6 Jan 2019, 12:46am
by NUKe
NATURAL ANKLING wrote:Hi,
No one can be forced to pay for another's funeral I think?
Not sure your married partner is liable either?
But if you have an estate will the law take your money before the will is read?

In any event paupers funeral, got to be cremation is paid by council.



Not quite right on the last point, in a public health funeral the body is often interred in a communal grave or if there is space and a relative is known they may be buried in the grave of a relative. But the rest you are right about. A council has upto 3 years to claim from the estate. Everything barring the house, where there is a surviving spouse, can be taken into account.

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 6 Jan 2019, 10:35am
by Flinders
Mick F wrote:I have no intention (or expectation) of dying.
Let's get this bit out of the way first! :D

Years ago, I imagined a big funeral and a carriage pulled by four plumed horses with me lying in state inside. I imagined a Victorian sort of affair with mourners in abundance and a big wake afterwards. I've since had a change of heart.

A friend of ours has bought a plot at the local parish church and wants a big funeral and be laid to rest in his chosen position. I've told him that after he's gone, I'll sell the plot, drink the profits, and chuck his body in the river. :lol: :lol:

When I'm dead, do not spend a penny on getting rid of what's left of me. I'll be dead and I couldn't care a jot what you do with my body. Do not spend a penny. Incinerate me in a garden incinerator and chuck the ash out with the regular rubbish collection.

If you do want to spend something, chuck behind the bar and drink my health/death.


You echo the song by Jake Thackray, "The Last Will and Testament of Jake Thackray" :D It's a good one.

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 9 Jan 2019, 8:18am
by thirdcrank
Paupers' funerals cost UK councils nearly £5.4m in a year
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-46796036

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 9 Jan 2019, 8:47am
by NUKe
thirdcrank wrote:Paupers' funerals cost UK councils nearly £5.4m in a year
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-46796036

It’s another thing the government can cut,it’s already already one of the most depressing things I have witnessed not the service/internment that doesn’t matter really. It just means that another person has passed away without a friend,lonely.

Back in the early eighties a man died on Leeds railway station his name was Mick Lyons, he was there while people rushed about their business, until a police officer checked him out. I didn’t know Mick, but I have always remembered his name, just so someone did. He died alone, without friends he was given a paupers funeral no one came, just one council official and the undertaker, no I didn’t go but I always remembered Mick. There has since been a councillor in Leeds by the same name, so it’s impossible to search the article for the death. Reckon it was 81 ish.

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 9 Jan 2019, 4:01pm
by ferrit worrier
mercalia wrote:
brynpoeth wrote:Seems a bit perverse to make an expensive coffin that is soon buried or burned, wastes a lot of material I think :?


I some times wonder if the coffin is removed if it is to be burnt, and resold? not as if you or any one else go and see you put into the furnace? Could be a nice little earner, I bet it happens some where. SO maybe the coffin should just be rented, much cheaper?


The deceased stays in the coffin whether its cremation or burial. One advantage of a wooden coffin is it aids combustion in the cremator. The wicker and cardboard types dont last that long and dont aid the combustion as much .

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 9 Jan 2019, 4:11pm
by Mick F
ferrit worrier wrote: .....One advantage of a wooden coffin is it aids combustion in the cremator. The wicker and cardboard types dont last that long and dont aid the combustion as much .
Good info there FW.
Never thought about that side of it before.

Very good friend of ours was buried in a woodland setting in a cardboard coffin. Many years later, his wife was buried in a wicker coffin in the same plot and lowered in above him. I was present at both.

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 10 Jan 2019, 9:45pm
by bogmyrtle
NATURAL ANKLING wrote:Hi,
No one can be forced to pay for another's funeral I think?
Not sure your married partner is liable either?
But if you have an estate will the law take your money before the will is read?

In any event paupers funeral, got to be cremation is paid by council.

To add to what NUke said, if there is a will it would be the responsibility of the executors to arrange the funeral and to pay for it.
A public health funeral will only take place if there is no will (although there can be rare exceptions). Funeral costs have first claim on any estate. The local authority claims costs directly from the bank account or other financial holdings of the deceased.

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 10 Jan 2019, 9:52pm
by thirdcrank
NATURAL ANKLING wrote:Hi,
No one can be forced to pay for another's funeral I think?
Not sure your married partner is liable either?
But if you have an estate will the law take your money before the will is read?

In any event paupers funeral, got to be cremation is paid by council.


I missed the bit about cremation until others commented.

My own local authority says this:
Most funerals are burials unless members of the family request a cremation, or unless the person’s wish to be cremated has been expressed in a signed, written statement.

https://www.leeds.gov.uk/residents/birt ... h-funerals

Re: When I'm dead .........

Posted: 10 Jan 2019, 9:59pm
by softlips
bogmyrtle wrote:
NATURAL ANKLING wrote:Hi,
No one can be forced to pay for another's funeral I think?
Not sure your married partner is liable either?
But if you have an estate will the law take your money before the will is read?

In any event paupers funeral, got to be cremation is paid by council.

To add to what NUke said, if there is a will it would be the responsibility of the executors to arrange the funeral and to pay for it.
A public health funeral will only take place if there is no will (although there can be rare exceptions). Funeral costs have first claim on any estate. The local authority claims costs directly from the bank account or other financial holdings of the deceased.


Local authority can also claim costs of care against the estate. They put a sizeable charge against my mothers home. The so called dementia tax people grumbled about that this government proposed would have left far far more for her family to inherit.