Cold Calling - "Can I speak to Mr Stupid, please?"

[reohn2]

What brief do these poor saps work to?
The people that run these call centres have no respect for their potential customers and even less for their staff.

I think poor saps is probably about right, in many cases it'll be poor saps with very few other options.
Whatever anyone's annoyance, a bit of empathy for the poor sap on the other end of the line wouldn't go amiss, they're not your enemy, I just say "No thank you and goodbye"

Yep that's my take on it too,I simply reply "Thanks,but no thanks,bye bye".But if I caught at a bad moment(which usually means I'm tired)I simply reply "this is a TPS registed number"(which it is) before hanging up.

[Psamathe]

It's when an 8 year old child becomes really useful - just give them the phone and tell them it's Father Christmas (maybe adding he needs to discuss presents).

Not having an 8 year old, I normally sound really interested and then say something like "hang-on a moment, I must get the dog in" or turn off the gas or something; then I just put the phone on the table (off-hook) and leave it there. Maybe (if I remember) every few minutes I might pick it up and say "hang-on, with you in a moment". Has the benefit of stopping anybody else calling you (whilst your phone is off-hook as well as stopping them calling anybody else (whilst they are hanging on for a sure thing sucker).

I feel sorry for the probably below minimum wage caller struggling to handle long days often getting nowhere or abuse but I suspect the practice can only end when the financial models no longer work and a long non-profitable call moves a tiny bit in that direction.

Ian

[Tangled Metal]

What brief do these poor saps work to?
The people that run these call centres have no respect for their potential customers and even less for their staff.

I think poor saps is probably about right, in many cases it'll be poor saps with very few other options.
Whatever anyone's annoyance, a bit of empathy for the poor sap on the other end of the line wouldn't go amiss, they're not your enemy, I just say "No thank you and goodbye"

That's what I do unless they call me back 4 or more times in one night!

My sister worked in a call centre for a large utility company. She was very good at her job and had a very quick rise from agency to manager via about 5 steps. She was 3 steps up before most good employees got switched from temporary agency staff to full time employee. That's the way they work. They interview like normal employers but when you get taken on you work for an employment agency at less than the company employed people doing the same job got. You might never get taken on fully by the company. It also means you can get sacked if you have a bad performance month. People often don't last more than 18 months.

At another local call centre one person I used to work with (not a relative) got a final warning because the manager reported them for dress code violation. Apparently she wore a skirt at about her knee. If hemline is above the knee it's a violation. Hers was borderline but her manager didn't like her so she got a warning. She left for a better job shortly afterwards.

I'm afraid it's not something I want to do. It's kind of like a modern version of a victorian mill. So definitely be as civil as you can in hanging up on them. It's a job for them and probably not one they'd choose to do if they had anything else on offer.

[Syd]

A number of years ago I got cold called by someone selling conservatories. Being bored I strung them along feigning interest.

This carried on for over half an hour, by which time a visit had been arranged to carry out a survey. Before signing off the caller asked “do you have any further questions at this time?’

“Yes” I said, “is it a problem that I live in a first floor flat?”

They never called back.

[richardfm]

A number of years ago I got cold called by someone selling conservatories. Being bored I strung them along feigning interest.

This carried on for over half an hour, by which time a visit had been arranged to carry out a survey. Before signing off the caller asked “do you have any further questions at this time?’

“Yes” I said, “is it a problem that I live in a first floor flat?”

They never called back.

The old ones are the best. If only I had a pound for every time I've heard that one.

[PH]

That's the way they work. They interview like normal employers but when you get taken on you work for an employment agency at less than the company employed people doing the same job got. You might never get taken on fully by the company. It also means you can get sacked if you have a bad performance month. People often don't last more than 18 months.

That's pretty much how it is in this wonderful world of a flexible workforce, the lowest rate of unemployment for 45 years, yet millions of people with employment contracts that wouldn't have been recognised as such in 1974.
However we can thank the EU for what little employer protection there is and one part of that is that agency workers are entitled to the same terms and conditions as those directly employed after thirteen weeks. Unscrupulous employers can still find ways round it, I've seen a few.

[Syd]

A number of years ago I got cold called by someone selling conservatories. Being bored I strung them along feigning interest.

This carried on for over half an hour, by which time a visit had been arranged to carry out a survey. Before signing off the caller asked “do you have any further questions at this time?’

“Yes” I said, “is it a problem that I live in a first floor flat?”

They never called back.

The old ones are the best. If only I had a pound for every time I've heard that one.

May be old but certainly true. The company in question obviously hadn’t done enough research of the area to realise that four flats sat between each pair of semis.

[Mike_Ayling]

A fiend of a friend keeps a loud whistle by their phone & if callers are persistent will give them a blast with it.

I am also one of those fiends who use a whistle.
It is very satisfying.

Mike

[Redvee]

I used to do the phone on the table thing with cold callers when I lived with my Father, think 20 minutes was the longest. In recent years I kept a PPI caller on the line for 20 minutes till I got bored but said I used to bank with Coutts Bank and made my money from running several successful call centres by calling up people at inoportune moments and wasting their time just like I'm doing to you now, even with that big hint dropping they still kept on. Ambulance chasing lawyers are the current favourite cold call method now and if you answer yes straight away then you'll speak to your first human who asks a couple of questions then if you answer in the way they want you to then you get passed to a claims adviser who ask a load of questions about your accident, how it happened and what injuries you suffered etc. Ususal injuries I suffer are a broken leg and wrist and a deep fatal laceratioon to my carotid artery, I then go quiet and let it sink in and repeat it if I have to.

[Lance Dopestrong]

I had one such call recently. Apparently, I'd been in an accident. I decided to play along, and they got jolly excited and asked me for the details...

"Well, I'd done a double shift at work, 16 hours. Driving home I stopped off at the pub, but didn't drink much, only 4 or 5 pints. When I left the sun was in my eyes and I couldn't see very well but I carried on and somehow ended up running into a bus stop and hitting 3 people."

The ambulance chaser had gone quiet, but when I delivered the flourish, "How much compo do you think you can get me?" they called me a J Arthur Ranker and hung up.

Nice chap.

[Tangled Metal]

Well my cold callers tend to be Indian insulation companies. Sorry, Indian call centres trying to sell government insulation deals for the house. I find that funny. If I don't end the call it soon ends up with us talking about the current weather.

It snows a lot near me in June and July BTW. That long, hot spell last year saw flooding down our street.

It was one of these insulation sellers who called me 21 times and most of them to aggressively insult me. I never got their insulation deal.

[Cugel]

I don't answer the phone. It's always someone wanting something.

An answer phone is useful, as the cold callers rarely leave a message. On the other hand, I can hear the demand of a ladywife for immediate attention, which (with a hop, skip & jump to the infernal instrument) I obey. Others who want something may be answered in time; or their prattle deleted with a nice and satisfying press of a wee button.

As for them mobile phones .... you must be mad to have a spy-cum-leash in your pocket at all times!

Cugel, liking store and forward only.

[Lance Dopestrong]

As for them mobile phones .... you must be mad to have a spy-cum-leash in your pocket at all times!

Once again, Cugel gets to the heart of the matter.

[peetee]

As for them mobile phones .... you must be mad to have a spy-cum-leash in your pocket at all times!

Once again, Cugel gets to the heart of the matter.

My mobile is a simple text and call jobbie with no internet function whatsoever. it won't even display photos attached to texts. It cost me £20 which included £10 credit and as I am with Tesco I got £20 credit for free!
I love it, customers can only get me by phone, I don't have any sort of twitface media account, and it certainly isn't holding business back.

[Lance Dopestrong]

Oh yeah, and they don't go beep and demand your attention every 3 seconds. And you need only charge them every 4 or 5 weeks. And if you lose it or break it you won't feel suicidal.