What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Use this board for general non-cycling-related chat, or to introduce yourself to the forum.
thirdcrank
Posts: 36764
Joined: 9 Jan 2007, 2:44pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by thirdcrank »

I'm probably cheating but the cover of the latest Private Eye is a belter.

https://www.private-eye.co.uk/current-issue

(Mine arrived two days late so I don't know if that's a postal delay or tight deadlines to see what Dom had to say)
User avatar
6.5_lives_left
Posts: 112
Joined: 9 Oct 2020, 9:27pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by 6.5_lives_left »

I overheard one part of a conversation with an elderly lady while in the supermarket today
Have you had your anti-vaccine (sic) yet?
colin54
Posts: 2517
Joined: 24 Sep 2013, 4:34pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by colin54 »

Mick F wrote: 27 May 2021, 8:54pm The news reporters are having difficulties in reporting about the newly discovered Corona Virus strain.

A new variant has emerged on the island of Anglesey, and it's the Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch variant.
Doesn't that just mean ' long covid ' in Welsh ?
Nu-Fogey
User avatar
Hellhound
Posts: 756
Joined: 19 May 2021, 7:39am

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Hellhound »

Yesterday I washed and waxed both cars.I also watered all the plants and cut the lawns so today I would be totally free to go out and enjoy a nice ride in the Sun.
It is chucking it down today :roll:
You have to laugh :?
Mike Sales
Posts: 7860
Joined: 7 Mar 2009, 3:31pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Mike Sales »

Laurence Fox and his Reclaim party spent over £1 million on his campaign for London Mayor.
His share of the vote was 1.9%.
It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the rich what gets the pleasure
Isn't it a blooming shame?
User avatar
Mick F
Spambuster
Posts: 56349
Joined: 7 Jan 2007, 11:24am
Location: Tamar Valley, Cornwall

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Mick F »

Remembering our evenings in The Horseshoe in Southsea back in 1973/4 not long after marrying.
Looking at Google Streetview, it's gone. :shock:

We used to go upstairs for the music, and a four-piece group singing all the popular songs of the day plus humorous stuff too. Martin Pitney was the lead, and a mate of mine was the drummer Neil Skinner. Can't remember the other names of the other two.

Dunno what they're all doing now of course!
They used to do a skit on The Wild Rover starting off normally following the basic lyric, then drifted off in the skit.
I'll never forget those happy evenings in the Horseshoe.

I went into a toilet I used to frequent
And I told the attendant my penny was bent.
She looked at me sadly, and said, "Well that's it,
If you've got a bent penny, you can't have a shave!"

And it's no, nay never ...................

From out of my pocket, I pulled something frightful
And the landlady's eyes open wide with delightful.
She said, "I have whiskies, and wines of the best!"
But that which I pulled out, was only my vest!

And it's no, nay never ...................

Now Sooty and Sweep they are both on the fiddle,
And so is the old man who stands in the middle.
Harry Corbet's his name, he's a bit of a creep,
He's got one hand up Sooty, the other up Sweep!


.......... there are other verses, but some aren't for printing on here! :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall
merseymouth
Posts: 2519
Joined: 23 Jan 2011, 11:16am

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by merseymouth »

Nice one MickF, That little bit salacious, smutty not dirty!
Reminds of the old one? - "There was a young lady from Wantage , of whom the Lord Mayor took advantage.. The Borough Surveyor said "You'll have to pay her, because you have altered her frontage"!".
As Kenny Everett would say - "All done in the best possible taste"? TTFN MM
User avatar
Cowsham
Posts: 4951
Joined: 4 Nov 2019, 1:33pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Cowsham »

In hospital -- will explain later on another thread --

Karwina a tall slender very toned good looking Polish girl probably in her late 30's but seemed to me to be an uncaring nursing assistant and a bit snooty with it too -- was drafted in due a covid scare which left the hospital short staffed.

It's getting near the end of her nightshift as she sits like a serene model on a chair near the doors of the ward checking her phone.

The big loud brash Jamaican nurse Margo ( about 6' tall - a big unit you wouldn't cross ) arrives like a whirlwind to start the day shift getting the handover from the nightshift. She was polite but straight to the point so you need your answer quick and ready.

Karwina still on her phone wasn't aware Margo was focusing in on her. Margo asked in her thick Jamaican loud voice "What is your name ?"

Karwina sat on ..... but then looked up when Margo did that short suck through her teeth Jamaicans do to show disapproval. Margo seeing she had the attention she deserved said.

" DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR NAME ? "

The look on the Polish woman's face was like a smacked rz
I am here. Where are you?
Mike Sales
Posts: 7860
Joined: 7 Mar 2009, 3:31pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Mike Sales »

A friend was delivering a parcel to a Welsh farm.
The farmer said something in English which he did not catch, so the farmer tried him in Welsh.
My friend does not speak Cymraeg.
"Do you speak any language at all?"
It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the rich what gets the pleasure
Isn't it a blooming shame?
User avatar
Cowsham
Posts: 4951
Joined: 4 Nov 2019, 1:33pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Cowsham »

Mike Sales wrote: 7 Jun 2021, 9:21pm A friend was delivering a parcel to a Welsh farm.
The farmer said something in English which he did not catch, so the farmer tried him in Welsh.
My friend does not speak Cymraeg.
"Do you speak any language at all?"
:lol:
I am here. Where are you?
User avatar
kylecycler
Posts: 1378
Joined: 12 Aug 2013, 4:09pm
Location: Kyle, Ayrshire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by kylecycler »

Reminds me of a stock routine air stewards apparently go through if an uppity obnoxious 'celebrity' passenger who's giving them strife asks, "Do you know who I am?"

"No, sir/madam, I do not but I will try to find out for you." [Turns to colleague] "This gentleman/lady does not know who he/she is - do you by any chance recognise him/her?"
User avatar
Mick F
Spambuster
Posts: 56349
Joined: 7 Jan 2007, 11:24am
Location: Tamar Valley, Cornwall

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Mick F »

Same sort of subject.

We were on a cruise some years ago, and one of the cabaret acts was a (male) comedian. He professed to have been part of "The Comedians" of 1970s fame on ITV (I think).

We attended a cocktail party one evening, and he and I were chatting about this and that, small-talk and the like whilst we ate the little nibbles and drank a G+T or something. After about 15mins of this, he turned to face me and asked, "Do you know who I am?"

I made a gesture and sort of said yes as well as shrugging my shoulders ..................... and he walked off in a huff! :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall
User avatar
kylecycler
Posts: 1378
Joined: 12 Aug 2013, 4:09pm
Location: Kyle, Ayrshire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by kylecycler »

Similar but the other way around, I was at a local cycling festival in Troon, South Ayrshire, I'd just done a 100K and got talking to a fellow I didn't know. Quite a scruffy lad with a straggly beard, which is how I look in the winter but in the summer I shave my head or keep it cropped and shave off the beard, and this was in the summer. Perfectly pleasant chap he was, though, but there was something about the way the conversation went that didn't quite jibe - something just... off - something I wasn't getting...

Eventually, after about ten minutes of going places I couldn't quite follow he said, "Oh... so you're... not... Graeme Obree?"

I never said I was! :)

I made the mistake of telling my pals about it (it was too good of a story not to tell, though) and needless to say I've lived to regret doing so - now if I lag behind even slightly on a ride I get...

"Ye're awfu' slow the day, Graeme..."

or

"Ye're gettin' auld, Graeme..."

or

"Ah don't ken hoo you goat that Hour Record, Graeme - ah reckon it musta bin a' aboot the bike..."


Me: "MA NAME'S NOT GRAEME!!!" :evil: :lol:


(In case anyone doesn't know who Graeme Obree is...)

https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJ ... e&ie=UTF-8
User avatar
Cowsham
Posts: 4951
Joined: 4 Nov 2019, 1:33pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Cowsham »

kylecycler wrote: 8 Jun 2021, 12:27pm Similar but the other way around, I was at a local cycling festival in Troon, South Ayrshire, I'd just done a 100K and got talking to a fellow I didn't know. Quite a scruffy lad with a straggly beard, which is how I look in the winter but in the summer I shave my head or keep it cropped and shave off the beard, and this was in the summer. Perfectly pleasant chap he was, though, but there was something about the way the conversation went that didn't quite jibe - something just... off - something I wasn't getting...

Eventually, after about ten minutes of going places I couldn't quite follow he said, "Oh... so you're... not... Graeme Obree?"

I never said I was! :)

I made the mistake of telling my pals about it (it was too good of a story not to tell, though) and needless to say I've lived to regret doing so - now if I lag behind even slightly on a ride I get...

"Ye're awfu' slow the day, Graeme..."

or

"Ye're gettin' auld, Graeme..."

or

"Ah don't ken hoo you goat that Hour Record, Graeme - ah reckon it musta bin a' aboot the bike..."


Me: "MA NAME'S NOT GRAEME!!!" :evil: :lol:


(In case anyone doesn't know who Graeme Obree is...)

https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJ ... e&ie=UTF-8
Never hered o im but thanks for the link Graham :lol:
I am here. Where are you?
User avatar
661-Pete
Posts: 10593
Joined: 22 Nov 2012, 8:45pm
Location: Sussex

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by 661-Pete »

Splitting my sides after coming across this from News Biscuit:
Police arrest 7 on the way to G7 in St. Ives – all married to the same man

Officers have described it as the worst case of bigamy they have ever come across.
They are also investigating a suspected 49 cases of animal cruelty to cats, after someone let them out of the bag, and a further 343 similar cases against kittens.
They are still unable to establish exactly how many people were going to St. Ives. A spokesperson for the Devon and Cornwall Police said it is a complete riddle.
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).
Post Reply