What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
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- Joined: 9 Jan 2007, 2:44pm
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
I'm probably cheating but the cover of the latest Private Eye is a belter.
https://www.private-eye.co.uk/current-issue
(Mine arrived two days late so I don't know if that's a postal delay or tight deadlines to see what Dom had to say)
https://www.private-eye.co.uk/current-issue
(Mine arrived two days late so I don't know if that's a postal delay or tight deadlines to see what Dom had to say)
- 6.5_lives_left
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- Joined: 9 Oct 2020, 9:27pm
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
I overheard one part of a conversation with an elderly lady while in the supermarket today
Have you had your anti-vaccine (sic) yet?
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Yesterday I washed and waxed both cars.I also watered all the plants and cut the lawns so today I would be totally free to go out and enjoy a nice ride in the Sun.
It is chucking it down today
You have to laugh
It is chucking it down today
You have to laugh
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- Joined: 7 Mar 2009, 3:31pm
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Laurence Fox and his Reclaim party spent over £1 million on his campaign for London Mayor.
His share of the vote was 1.9%.
His share of the vote was 1.9%.
It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the rich what gets the pleasure
Isn't it a blooming shame?
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the rich what gets the pleasure
Isn't it a blooming shame?
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Remembering our evenings in The Horseshoe in Southsea back in 1973/4 not long after marrying.
Looking at Google Streetview, it's gone.
We used to go upstairs for the music, and a four-piece group singing all the popular songs of the day plus humorous stuff too. Martin Pitney was the lead, and a mate of mine was the drummer Neil Skinner. Can't remember the other names of the other two.
Dunno what they're all doing now of course!
They used to do a skit on The Wild Rover starting off normally following the basic lyric, then drifted off in the skit.
I'll never forget those happy evenings in the Horseshoe.
I went into a toilet I used to frequent
And I told the attendant my penny was bent.
She looked at me sadly, and said, "Well that's it,
If you've got a bent penny, you can't have a shave!"
And it's no, nay never ...................
From out of my pocket, I pulled something frightful
And the landlady's eyes open wide with delightful.
She said, "I have whiskies, and wines of the best!"
But that which I pulled out, was only my vest!
And it's no, nay never ...................
Now Sooty and Sweep they are both on the fiddle,
And so is the old man who stands in the middle.
Harry Corbet's his name, he's a bit of a creep,
He's got one hand up Sooty, the other up Sweep!
.......... there are other verses, but some aren't for printing on here!
Looking at Google Streetview, it's gone.
We used to go upstairs for the music, and a four-piece group singing all the popular songs of the day plus humorous stuff too. Martin Pitney was the lead, and a mate of mine was the drummer Neil Skinner. Can't remember the other names of the other two.
Dunno what they're all doing now of course!
They used to do a skit on The Wild Rover starting off normally following the basic lyric, then drifted off in the skit.
I'll never forget those happy evenings in the Horseshoe.
I went into a toilet I used to frequent
And I told the attendant my penny was bent.
She looked at me sadly, and said, "Well that's it,
If you've got a bent penny, you can't have a shave!"
And it's no, nay never ...................
From out of my pocket, I pulled something frightful
And the landlady's eyes open wide with delightful.
She said, "I have whiskies, and wines of the best!"
But that which I pulled out, was only my vest!
And it's no, nay never ...................
Now Sooty and Sweep they are both on the fiddle,
And so is the old man who stands in the middle.
Harry Corbet's his name, he's a bit of a creep,
He's got one hand up Sooty, the other up Sweep!
.......... there are other verses, but some aren't for printing on here!
Mick F. Cornwall
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Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Nice one MickF, That little bit salacious, smutty not dirty!
Reminds of the old one? - "There was a young lady from Wantage , of whom the Lord Mayor took advantage.. The Borough Surveyor said "You'll have to pay her, because you have altered her frontage"!".
As Kenny Everett would say - "All done in the best possible taste"? TTFN MM
Reminds of the old one? - "There was a young lady from Wantage , of whom the Lord Mayor took advantage.. The Borough Surveyor said "You'll have to pay her, because you have altered her frontage"!".
As Kenny Everett would say - "All done in the best possible taste"? TTFN MM
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
In hospital -- will explain later on another thread --
Karwina a tall slender very toned good looking Polish girl probably in her late 30's but seemed to me to be an uncaring nursing assistant and a bit snooty with it too -- was drafted in due a covid scare which left the hospital short staffed.
It's getting near the end of her nightshift as she sits like a serene model on a chair near the doors of the ward checking her phone.
The big loud brash Jamaican nurse Margo ( about 6' tall - a big unit you wouldn't cross ) arrives like a whirlwind to start the day shift getting the handover from the nightshift. She was polite but straight to the point so you need your answer quick and ready.
Karwina still on her phone wasn't aware Margo was focusing in on her. Margo asked in her thick Jamaican loud voice "What is your name ?"
Karwina sat on ..... but then looked up when Margo did that short suck through her teeth Jamaicans do to show disapproval. Margo seeing she had the attention she deserved said.
" DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR NAME ? "
The look on the Polish woman's face was like a smacked rz
Karwina a tall slender very toned good looking Polish girl probably in her late 30's but seemed to me to be an uncaring nursing assistant and a bit snooty with it too -- was drafted in due a covid scare which left the hospital short staffed.
It's getting near the end of her nightshift as she sits like a serene model on a chair near the doors of the ward checking her phone.
The big loud brash Jamaican nurse Margo ( about 6' tall - a big unit you wouldn't cross ) arrives like a whirlwind to start the day shift getting the handover from the nightshift. She was polite but straight to the point so you need your answer quick and ready.
Karwina still on her phone wasn't aware Margo was focusing in on her. Margo asked in her thick Jamaican loud voice "What is your name ?"
Karwina sat on ..... but then looked up when Margo did that short suck through her teeth Jamaicans do to show disapproval. Margo seeing she had the attention she deserved said.
" DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR NAME ? "
The look on the Polish woman's face was like a smacked rz
I am here. Where are you?
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- Posts: 7898
- Joined: 7 Mar 2009, 3:31pm
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
A friend was delivering a parcel to a Welsh farm.
The farmer said something in English which he did not catch, so the farmer tried him in Welsh.
My friend does not speak Cymraeg.
"Do you speak any language at all?"
The farmer said something in English which he did not catch, so the farmer tried him in Welsh.
My friend does not speak Cymraeg.
"Do you speak any language at all?"
It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the rich what gets the pleasure
Isn't it a blooming shame?
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the rich what gets the pleasure
Isn't it a blooming shame?
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Mike Sales wrote: ↑7 Jun 2021, 9:21pm A friend was delivering a parcel to a Welsh farm.
The farmer said something in English which he did not catch, so the farmer tried him in Welsh.
My friend does not speak Cymraeg.
"Do you speak any language at all?"
I am here. Where are you?
- kylecycler
- Posts: 1386
- Joined: 12 Aug 2013, 4:09pm
- Location: Kyle, Ayrshire
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Reminds me of a stock routine air stewards apparently go through if an uppity obnoxious 'celebrity' passenger who's giving them strife asks, "Do you know who I am?"
"No, sir/madam, I do not but I will try to find out for you." [Turns to colleague] "This gentleman/lady does not know who he/she is - do you by any chance recognise him/her?"
"No, sir/madam, I do not but I will try to find out for you." [Turns to colleague] "This gentleman/lady does not know who he/she is - do you by any chance recognise him/her?"
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Same sort of subject.
We were on a cruise some years ago, and one of the cabaret acts was a (male) comedian. He professed to have been part of "The Comedians" of 1970s fame on ITV (I think).
We attended a cocktail party one evening, and he and I were chatting about this and that, small-talk and the like whilst we ate the little nibbles and drank a G+T or something. After about 15mins of this, he turned to face me and asked, "Do you know who I am?"
I made a gesture and sort of said yes as well as shrugging my shoulders ..................... and he walked off in a huff!
We were on a cruise some years ago, and one of the cabaret acts was a (male) comedian. He professed to have been part of "The Comedians" of 1970s fame on ITV (I think).
We attended a cocktail party one evening, and he and I were chatting about this and that, small-talk and the like whilst we ate the little nibbles and drank a G+T or something. After about 15mins of this, he turned to face me and asked, "Do you know who I am?"
I made a gesture and sort of said yes as well as shrugging my shoulders ..................... and he walked off in a huff!
Mick F. Cornwall
- kylecycler
- Posts: 1386
- Joined: 12 Aug 2013, 4:09pm
- Location: Kyle, Ayrshire
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Similar but the other way around, I was at a local cycling festival in Troon, South Ayrshire, I'd just done a 100K and got talking to a fellow I didn't know. Quite a scruffy lad with a straggly beard, which is how I look in the winter but in the summer I shave my head or keep it cropped and shave off the beard, and this was in the summer. Perfectly pleasant chap he was, though, but there was something about the way the conversation went that didn't quite jibe - something just... off - something I wasn't getting...
Eventually, after about ten minutes of going places I couldn't quite follow he said, "Oh... so you're... not... Graeme Obree?"
I never said I was!
I made the mistake of telling my pals about it (it was too good of a story not to tell, though) and needless to say I've lived to regret doing so - now if I lag behind even slightly on a ride I get...
"Ye're awfu' slow the day, Graeme..."
or
"Ye're gettin' auld, Graeme..."
or
"Ah don't ken hoo you goat that Hour Record, Graeme - ah reckon it musta bin a' aboot the bike..."
Me: "MA NAME'S NOT GRAEME!!!"
(In case anyone doesn't know who Graeme Obree is...)
https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJ ... e&ie=UTF-8
Eventually, after about ten minutes of going places I couldn't quite follow he said, "Oh... so you're... not... Graeme Obree?"
I never said I was!
I made the mistake of telling my pals about it (it was too good of a story not to tell, though) and needless to say I've lived to regret doing so - now if I lag behind even slightly on a ride I get...
"Ye're awfu' slow the day, Graeme..."
or
"Ye're gettin' auld, Graeme..."
or
"Ah don't ken hoo you goat that Hour Record, Graeme - ah reckon it musta bin a' aboot the bike..."
Me: "MA NAME'S NOT GRAEME!!!"
(In case anyone doesn't know who Graeme Obree is...)
https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJ ... e&ie=UTF-8
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Never hered o im but thanks for the link Grahamkylecycler wrote: ↑8 Jun 2021, 12:27pm Similar but the other way around, I was at a local cycling festival in Troon, South Ayrshire, I'd just done a 100K and got talking to a fellow I didn't know. Quite a scruffy lad with a straggly beard, which is how I look in the winter but in the summer I shave my head or keep it cropped and shave off the beard, and this was in the summer. Perfectly pleasant chap he was, though, but there was something about the way the conversation went that didn't quite jibe - something just... off - something I wasn't getting...
Eventually, after about ten minutes of going places I couldn't quite follow he said, "Oh... so you're... not... Graeme Obree?"
I never said I was!
I made the mistake of telling my pals about it (it was too good of a story not to tell, though) and needless to say I've lived to regret doing so - now if I lag behind even slightly on a ride I get...
"Ye're awfu' slow the day, Graeme..."
or
"Ye're gettin' auld, Graeme..."
or
"Ah don't ken hoo you goat that Hour Record, Graeme - ah reckon it musta bin a' aboot the bike..."
Me: "MA NAME'S NOT GRAEME!!!"
(In case anyone doesn't know who Graeme Obree is...)
https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJ ... e&ie=UTF-8
I am here. Where are you?
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Splitting my sides after coming across this from News Biscuit:
Police arrest 7 on the way to G7 in St. Ives – all married to the same man
Officers have described it as the worst case of bigamy they have ever come across.
They are also investigating a suspected 49 cases of animal cruelty to cats, after someone let them out of the bag, and a further 343 similar cases against kittens.
They are still unable to establish exactly how many people were going to St. Ives. A spokesperson for the Devon and Cornwall Police said it is a complete riddle.
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).