mercalia wrote: ... on the matter of Hospices at end of life an aunt of mine had terminal cancer and she briefly went into one but they pressured her into leaving her valuable house to them so she left and died at home - she was found dead, she died alone it seeems in great pain.
Just to make it clear what I was saying, my mother was 94 when she could no longer live independently relying on the extra support family members were giving and after a trip to A&E and a couple of days in hospital she was admitted to a residential home where she had been going 2-3 times a week for day care: bath etc, meal and a bit of company. The move was timely and inevitable. She was physically fit eg still able to walk up and down a couple of flights of stairs leading to her flat or the several hundred yards to her GP - so long as I led the way. She had dementia.
Had I been asked about DNR I'd not have hesitated to agree on the basis that my mother had always been clear about her wishes over many years. She had observed dementia in other long-lived family members and knew what she was talking about.
Apart from antibiotics when she had her cataracts removed, she took no long-term medication but her BP etc were loads better than mine. Once she was in care, the prescriptions increased. Eventually she was admitted to EMI care. The personal care she received was excellent but eventually she died a lingering death because as I already said, physically she was as tough as boots.
Bearing in mind that carers in residential and nursing homes are at the bottom of the hierarchy, they were all great.
I had all manner of problems over that period and with a couple of real exceptions, the admin at the local authority, NHS, DHSS, probate, was rubbish at best. Bear in mind that my CV includes the detailed course provided by Citizens Advice for volunteer advice workers.