POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Use this board for general non-cycling-related chat, or to introduce yourself to the forum.
Edwards
Posts: 5981
Joined: 16 Mar 2007, 10:09pm
Location: Birmingham

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby Edwards » 23 Apr 2012, 10:16pm

Vorpal wrote:will hold the men jokes, then...


Please do not they are some of the funniest especially the the ones about men judging size.
Keith Edwards
I do not care about spelling and grammar

tooley92
Posts: 1343
Joined: 22 Jun 2007, 9:49am
Location: West Yorkshire

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby tooley92 » 23 Apr 2012, 10:23pm

At a wine merchants, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the warehouse wondered how to send him away.

They gave him a glass to drink.

He tried it and said, "It's a Muscat , three Years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers". Low grade but acceptable.

"That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass...."It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees.
Requires three more years for finest results.."

"Correct."

A third glass...''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something

She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it.
.
.
.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."
Remember folks 'A pessimist is just an optimist with experience!'

tooley92
Posts: 1343
Joined: 22 Jun 2007, 9:49am
Location: West Yorkshire

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby tooley92 » 23 Apr 2012, 10:25pm

And some one liners....



The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Strewth, talk about Dyson with death.

Paddy says: "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Sod that"
says Mick: "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. they said they regretted to
inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid....... then I was petrified.

A wife says to her husband: "You're always pushing me around and
talking behind my back".
He says: "What do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair".

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said: "I would like to come back as a cow".
I said: "You're obviously not listening".

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering
years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake.

I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you".
She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?"
I replied: "It's me talking to the beer".

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing
but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw
20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out.

I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis
tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for
the show......

I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge, should have seen his
face light up when he opened it.

A friend of mine moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him
over a couple of radiators. Just a little house warming present.

I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my
house. I think he's lost his rag.

I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with
2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered
again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!!

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I
thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for
the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not
understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi
Do.'

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow that, I
thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

I start a new job in Seoul next week.. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
Remember folks 'A pessimist is just an optimist with experience!'

User avatar
Guy951
Posts: 1599
Joined: 14 Jul 2009, 8:23am
Location: Mid Beds

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby Guy951 » 24 Apr 2012, 8:08am

How can you tell when politicians are lying?

You can see their lips moving.
What manner of creature's this, being but half a fish and half a monster

User avatar
Si
Moderator
Posts: 15172
Joined: 5 Jan 2007, 7:37pm

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby Si » 24 Apr 2012, 8:57am

After further consideration and talking to other forum staff I've further trimmed the thread.

Again I'd ask people to remember that there is a difference between what they might find acceptable shared with their mates in the pub, and what is acceptable to be posted on this public forum (and thus colours peoples image of the CTC).

With regard to the order that things were removed: I have to say that I'm not keen on the typical 1970s style Irish joke, however I don't rate it as distasteful as the, for instance, Jewish or Pakistani joke. The reason being that the latter two minorities in this country still often are the subject of violence and intimidation and such jokes can be used to underline such activity, plus the holocaust is still an event that can be remembered by many living people (and we only have to look at the recent first round of the French presidential elections to see that we still very much have to be on our guard against the extreme right wing and what they stand for). On the other hand, in my experience it would seem extremely rare that Irish people in this country suffer violence these days (of course I may be wrong here but I live in an area with lots of Irish people and my impression is that everyone gets on OKish). Yes, the Irish have been persecuted by the English in the past (who hasn't eh?), and if this were, say, 1611 I might say that the Irish joke had a much more sinister side to it. As it is, I believe for the most part that people that tell Irish jokes tend to view it as a bit of harmless banter with their lovable cousins from across the sea (even if the subjects of these jokes might not see it that way themselves). That is not to say, of course, that I personally approve of Irish jokes. And as I'm the chap in the hot seat at the moment I get to say what is and is not OK - but, of course, I'm happy to discuss this and take on board other peoples opinions if they are delivered in a polite and respectful way.

reohn2
Posts: 40617
Joined: 26 Jun 2009, 8:21pm

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby reohn2 » 24 Apr 2012, 9:32am

Si wrote: After further consideration..........
......... As it is, I believe for the most part that people that tell Irish jokes tend to view it as a bit of harmless banter with their lovable cousins from across the sea (even if the subjects of these jokes might not see it that way themselves). .


So a Pole walks into bar............. she was a dwarf!
-----------------------------------------------------------

Edwards
Posts: 5981
Joined: 16 Mar 2007, 10:09pm
Location: Birmingham

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby Edwards » 24 Apr 2012, 9:44am

Si I know one about why wedding dresses are white but am not sure if it is OK.

Can I have Welsh jokes?
Keith Edwards
I do not care about spelling and grammar

User avatar
meic
Posts: 19355
Joined: 1 Feb 2007, 9:37pm
Location: Caerfyrddin (Carmarthen)

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby meic » 24 Apr 2012, 12:17pm

Can I have Welsh jokes?


All the Welsh jokes that I know are about the English, so I have refrained from telling them. :lol:
Yma o Hyd

Edwards
Posts: 5981
Joined: 16 Mar 2007, 10:09pm
Location: Birmingham

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby Edwards » 24 Apr 2012, 1:25pm

meic wrote:All the Welsh jokes that I know are about the English, so I have refrained from telling them.


My Welsh relatives told me some good ones but most are not printable. I do like English Scotch Welsh Irish jokes as most of them really in the end poke fun of the English.
However most of the best ones just get swapped around to be regional or blond hair.
Keith Edwards
I do not care about spelling and grammar

AlanD
Posts: 1669
Joined: 27 Mar 2008, 1:29pm
Location: South Oxfordshire

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby AlanD » 24 Apr 2012, 1:50pm

What goes Black - White - Black - White - Black - White - Black - White - Black - White - THUMP! ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

A Nun falling downstairs.
"Groan"

kwackers
Posts: 15215
Joined: 4 Jun 2008, 9:29pm
Location: Warrington

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby kwackers » 24 Apr 2012, 1:55pm

Two nuns in the bath:

One says "where's the soap?"
The other: "it does, doesn't it..."

johnb
Posts: 793
Joined: 28 Jun 2007, 8:05am

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby johnb » 24 Apr 2012, 2:40pm

Si wrote:After further consideration and talking to other forum staff I've further trimmed the thread.

Again I'd ask people to remember that there is a difference between what they might find acceptable shared with their mates in the pub, and what is acceptable to be posted on this public forum (and thus colours peoples image of the CTC).

With regard to the order that things were removed: I have to say that I'm not keen on the typical 1970s style Irish joke, however I don't rate it as distasteful as the, for instance, Jewish or Pakistani joke. The reason being that the latter two minorities in this country still often are the subject of violence and intimidation and such jokes can be used to underline such activity, plus the holocaust is still an event that can be remembered by many living people (and we only have to look at the recent first round of the French presidential elections to see that we still very much have to be on our guard against the extreme right wing and what they stand for). On the other hand, in my experience it would seem extremely rare that Irish people in this country suffer violence these days (of course I may be wrong here but I live in an area with lots of Irish people and my impression is that everyone gets on OKish). Yes, the Irish have been persecuted by the English in the past (who hasn't eh?), and if this were, say, 1611 I might say that the Irish joke had a much more sinister side to it. As it is, I believe for the most part that people that tell Irish jokes tend to view it as a bit of harmless banter with their lovable cousins from across the sea (even if the subjects of these jokes might not see it that way themselves). That is not to say, of course, that I personally approve of Irish jokes. And as I'm the chap in the hot seat at the moment I get to say what is and is not OK - but, of course, I'm happy to discuss this and take on board other peoples opinions if they are delivered in a polite and respectful way.



Si,

With full respect to your decision to further trim the thread which included one of the Irish jokes I posted.

I myself am Irish and in no way would I post a joke which could be viewed as derogatory to the Irish. The joke I refer to has been doing the rounds in both the internet and pubs for a long time and I have never heard of it being viewed as offensive by anyone, Irish or otherwise. That's just my take on my joke.

I do understand your predicament and that of the other mods and will abide by your decisions, but the dark days that you allude to are long in the past all our childhoods were taken up by the paddy irishman paddy Scotsman and paddy englishman jokes, its fair to say we have progressed from using these type of jokes to cause offence to now being able to enjoy them as a bit of a laugh.
The lead Greyhound never has to look at another Greyhounds derrière.

User avatar
Si
Moderator
Posts: 15172
Joined: 5 Jan 2007, 7:37pm

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby Si » 24 Apr 2012, 3:29pm

Yes, John, I understand your point entirely. Problem is that we are still all unique individuals even if we belong to a specific national, racial or cultural group. I'm sure that there are many Irish people who are not at all offended by Irish jokes, just as I'm rarely offended by English/Welsh/Brummie jokes, yet there are others who still will be. Thus, this being a forum that represents the CTC, we have to err on the side of caution with these things. Unfortunately, when it comes to racism, xenophobia, sexism, Thatcherism, anti-cyclistism, <whatever>ism, and PC....it will always be the case that someone feels hard done by by any stance taken, just because we all bring a different set of baggage to the table (if you'll excuse the mixed metaphor).

johnb
Posts: 793
Joined: 28 Jun 2007, 8:05am

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby johnb » 24 Apr 2012, 3:38pm

No problem Si.
The lead Greyhound never has to look at another Greyhounds derrière.

Edwards
Posts: 5981
Joined: 16 Mar 2007, 10:09pm
Location: Birmingham

Re: POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE THREAD

Postby Edwards » 24 Apr 2012, 5:55pm

Si wrote:Thatcherism


Si if we can not make jokes about this what is left worth taking the fun out of?

I hope that is better
Last edited by Edwards on 24 Apr 2012, 6:12pm, edited 1 time in total.
Keith Edwards
I do not care about spelling and grammar