Cycling UK Forum

I've a work colleague who whenever I see him takes great delight in always tells me about the latest cycling accident that he's heard about supposedly to encourage me to abandon my bike for the joys of a car.

Needless to say he's got a 42 inch beer gut and drives his BMW the 4 miles to the office.

What's the best riposte or put down to say to this bigoted motorist the next time he tells me about the latest cyclist's mishap?

How about researching all the diseases he is liable to get.

Describe the latest heart attack while driving

Legs being chopped off because of diabetes etc

I.e. all sedentary induced diseases

You could always just say nothing or walk away?

Or mention the latest obesity related death you've heard about while poking at his expanding gut?

Maybe talk about the latest car accident you've heard on the radio that morning?




Or just slash his tyres on your lunch break.......

Just tell him that cyclists live on average two years longer than non-cyclists and obesity is second only to smoking as the biggest cause of preventable death in the UK. Then suggest he should get some exercise and if he wants to try cycling you'd be happy to be a cycle buddy to get him started.

Tell him you probably get to work quicker than it takes him to put his trousers on.

It depends somewhat on the situation and your feelings about the remarks.

If these are happening in the workplace then a witty riposte may be interpreted as you finding the comments amusing, leading to further amusing comments. Fine if that is the case but counterproductive if you feel the comments are offensive.

You may find a few ideas on this thread if you are seeking to deal with the matter more formally.

martin blain wrote:I've a work colleague who whenever I see him takes great delight in always tells me about the latest cycling accident that he's heard about supposedly to encourage me to abandon my bike for the joys of a car.

Needless to say he's got a 42 inch beer gut and drives his BMW the 4 miles to the office.

What's the best riposte or put down to say to this bigoted motorist the next time he tells me about the latest cyclist's mishap?

I worked with a chap who told me point blank that to ride a tandem on the road I was not only endangering myself but also my wife.
My riposte was to tell him **** off! He didn't bring up the subject again.

These people live in fear........................in fear that one day they may just have to use a bicycle as transport,that thought scares the hell out of them,so they have to deflect that fear.

Michael R wrote:Legs being chopped off because of diabetes etc

Where do you get your information?
Amputation of limbs through diabetes only happens if the diabetes has been under extremely poor care for a very long time (years) and almost all cases are related to diabetes type 1 which nobody is certain of what causes it. It is so rare for this to happen it's barely worth mentioning.
Diabetes type 2 is known to be triggered by being overweight and is far milder in terms of side effects from mistreatment.
One last thing. Diabetes is not a disease. You can not catch it. It is a condition resulting from part or full organ failure.
Speaking as a type 1 diabetic who's had it 32 years.

I think all that stuff about health and fitness is going to fall on deaf ears. After all, he already knows he's a couch potato, you're not going to un-potato him by merely telling him so.

Tell him about your mate whose beemer has just been in the garage for the sixth time this year, major repair to something vital (be inventive)... Tell him about the lovely new hidden speed cameras just gone up at half mile intervals on his route... Tell him about another mate of yours who's just notched up a six month ban for totting up.... Tell him how little you're paying for your car insurance....

Hit him where it really hurts...

IrishBill76 wrote:

Michael R wrote:Legs being chopped off because of diabetes etc

Where do you get your information?
Amputation of limbs through diabetes only happens if the diabetes has been under extremely poor care for a very long time (years) and almost all cases are related to diabetes type 1 which nobody is certain of what causes it. It is so rare for this to happen it's barely worth mentioning.
Diabetes type 2 is known to be triggered by being overweight and is far milder in terms of side effects from mistreatment.

Speaking as a type 1 diabetic who's had it 32 years.

Yes you're right, but unfortunately many people with type 2 don't recognise the symptoms and go to the doctor until it's far advanced, and even then don't take the necessary measures to prevent this outcome. My sister is a hospital consultant who specialises in rehab for amputees - she's seen a lot of this during her career. And a lot could have been prevented she says.

I suppose it depends on the nature of the work relationship. If it was someone I didn't like my response would be brief and unprintable on the forum. I once had a similar situation with someone with whom I had a very good working relationship so recounting incidents turned into a bit of an ongoing competition. With all the numpty's on the road there's no shortage of material to select from and motorist's are as adept at wiping themselves out as they are at creating cyclist casualties.

My usual comment though was to express faux empathy on the latest congestion incident that made him late & cluck on about the incompetence of the driver that caused it. Then follow up with "it must be sooo frustrating watching all those anarchic cyclists weaving their way past you".

Offer to do a swap. You give up the bike for a car and he give up the car for a bike for a week, see how long he lasts and how long his 4 mile journey takes him which should be 20 mins on a bike and probably quicker than a car at rush hour.

IrishBill76 wrote:

Michael R wrote:Legs being chopped off because of diabetes etc

Where do you get your information?
Amputation of limbs through diabetes only happens if the diabetes has been under extremely poor care for a very long time (years) and almost all cases are related to diabetes type 1 which nobody is certain of what causes it. It is so rare for this to happen it's barely worth mentioning.
Diabetes type 2 is known to be triggered by being overweight and is far milder in terms of side effects from mistreatment.
One last thing. Diabetes is not a disease. You can not catch it. It is a condition resulting from part or full organ failure.
Speaking as a type 1 diabetic who's had it 32 years.

Neuropathies from both Type 1 & 2 diabetes is the leading cause of foot/leg amputations. The Type 1 amputations are falling, the Type 2 increasing rapidly.

A patronising request that he desist may work.

Something along the lines of:-

'Look, I know you have my best interests at heart with all of these tales of death and accidents to cyclists. But really, it's not that I'm ever going to take any notice, so you maybe we'll get along better if you stop.'

If you get a negative response, then have three, 'fat person (like you) dies of heart attack, stroke or similar' stories and insist/persist in tell him them there and then. Then add 'Maybe you should get of your fat backside and walk to work, or take some other form of exercise before one of these fates befalls you!

Be ready with three more stories and the same jibe for tomorrow.

I think a disinterested "oh really..." before either changing the subject or better still simply wondering off to speak to someone else works wonders.

Failing that bringing up stories about how you were able to peddle past all the idiots stewing in their metal boxes, get straight to the front of the lights and how you can always leave home at exactly the same time each day knowing exactly how long your journey will take.
Bring up boring anecdotes about how you can run rings around people half your age, play football with your kids without nearly dying and eat whatever you like without gaining a gut (playful poke at his stomach recommended at this point). Or indeed anything you can think of in the same vein...