Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[reohn2]

I wish I could truthfully say that my former dentist was named Dr Paine.

Not quite - sadly - but close .

Matt's wife's name was Annie,her maiden name was Glipter

[Stradageek]

Not a word of a lie but at school my woodwork teacher was Mr Naylor and my metalwork teacher was Mr Toole. A very close third (change the u for an r) was my art teacher, Mr Auty.

[pete75]

I wish I could truthfully say that my former dentist was named Dr Paine.

Not quite - sadly - but close .

Matt's wife's name was Annie,her maiden name was Glipter

There was a dentist called Mr Paine in Granthm - now retired.

[ratherbeintobago]

Off Twitter:

My wife has been bugging me for ages to get Hamilton tickets. I've just got a pair for tomorrow, but they're playing away at Motherwell, so I hope she's prepared for a long drive.

[Pastychomper]

Not a word of a lie but at school my woodwork teacher was Mr Naylor and my metalwork teacher was Mr Toole. A very close third (change the u for an r) was my art teacher, Mr Auty.

I had Mr Minton (woodwork) and Mr Nickel (metalwork), oh and Mr Dolby for electronics.

Forizens of a certain age will understand why we callled Mr Minton "Chippy".

[fausto copy]

Told to me last night:

I bought a dog off the local blacksmith.
No sooner had I got him home and he made a bolt for the door.

[ferrit worrier]

There was a German barber at the airport many years ago . We knew him as Herr Cutz
.

[661-Pete]

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little boy next door with a little red wagon with little ladders hung on the side.
The boy was wearing a fireman’s helmet and had the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.
The fire fighter said, “Hey, little partner, what are you doing?”
The little boy replied, “I’m pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire engine.”
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire engine,” he said with admiration.
“Thanks, mister,” said the boy.
The fire fighter looked a little closer and noticed that the boy had looped a string through the wagon, tying one end to the dog’s collar and the other end to the cat’s testicles.
“Little partner,” the fire fighter said, “I’d be the last person to tell you how to run your fire engine, but, you know, if you were to tie that string around the cat’s collar, I think you could go a lot faster.”
“You’re probably right, mister,” said the boy, “but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

[PDQ Mobile]

^^
Tears rolled!
Keep 'em coming.

[Debs]

In a recent job interview I was asked how i would perform under pressure?

I thought for a moment and said that i didn’t know all the words to that one, but I could have a good bash at Bohemian Rhapsody.

[mercalia]

I wish I could truthfully say that my former dentist was named Dr Paine.

Not quite - sadly - but close .

Matt's wife's name was Annie,her maiden name was Glipter

There was a dentist called Mr Paine in Granthm - now retired.

I used to have a friend at school whose surname was "Coffin". Quess what he became? A doctor ( and this is TRUE)

I just hope he didnt specialise in Geriatrics or Surgery

[9494arnold]

Not a joke..

Local Estate Agents :

Doolittle and Dally .

[mercalia]

I had a biology teacher at school whose name was Mr B a s t a r d

[loch eck steve]

Its the wife's birthday next week , I never know what to get her but luckily for me she's mentioned she would like something black and lacey , so I'm off to get her some Doc Martins !

[Vorpal]

Its the wife's birthday next week , I never know what to get her but luckily for me she's mentioned she would like something black and lacey , so I'm off to get her some Doc Martins !