Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[Debs]

[Spinners]

^ Very good


My doctor has just prescribed me with a 3-month course of a herb. He said that Thyme is a great healer.

[Cyril Haearn]

Two lads turned up to ride on the new velodrome
Bryn was nine years old, a bike to fit him was soon found, but Cyril was only six and a bit, and short for his age, he needed a very small machine
'Cyril is so small', bleated the trainer
..
'Of course, he is my half-brother!' explained Bryn

[Cyril Haearn]

At the pet shop

Customer: 'do you have monkeys?'
The junior salesperson hesitated..
'Please to wait while I fetch the manager'

[Debs]

"Please to wait while I fetch the manager"

[Debs]

I’ve been out looking for some roadkill, but it’s a bit thin on the ground.

[661-Pete]

This old farmer goes along to the doctor, and says "Doctor, I have these 'ere warts on me backside..."

Doctor carries out a brief examination, and says "Don't worry, they're benign."

"Please count again Doctor, I'm sure there be ten..."

[peetee]

An illusionists assistant planned to sue him for millions by faking an injury when being cut in half but the ruse went to pieces when he saw right through it.

[Cyril Haearn]

Cyril was small but smart, he read a lot
'Mum, it says in the Grauniad that there are too many children in the schools and too few teachers. Could Bryn and I stay at home for a while so the poor teachers do not have to work so hard? ', he suggested

[Cyril Haearn]

Bryn and Cyril soon became regulars at the velodrome, they got on well with the trainer, he seemed to know everything
Before each race he explained exactly how one might win, after every race he explained exactly why neither had won

[NATURAL ANKLING]

Hi,

An insignificant little chap is quietly having lunch in a transport cafe, when a gang of Hell’s Angels lurch in. They assemble menacingly, surrounding the man, one of them reaches over to his plate, picks up a chip, dips it in the egg-yolk and eats it. Another grabs a sausage, takes a bite off it, then puts it back. A third takes a slurp from his mug of tea. This goes on for several minutes, then the man, who has taken no notice, quietly gets up without a word, pays, and leaves. One of the Hell's Angels walks up to the counter. “That bloke who just went out. Not much of a man is he?” he says. “He’s not much of a driver either,” replies the cafe owner, after a brief glance out of the window. “He’s just reversed his 44-tonne artic. over a dozen Harley Davidsons...”

Why not

[Spinners]

Botox used to be so rare... but now nobody raises an eyebrow.

[Cyril Haearn]

Took some fireworks back to the shop
'None of them worked', I bleated
'That is queer, I tested them all before selling them', puzzled the shopkeeper

[661-Pete]

Two small boys went into a pub.
"Are you over 18?" asked the barman.
" 'Course we are. I'm 11, and my brother's 8..."

[Cyril Haearn]

'I am not small, my pet reptile' Tiny' is much smaller than me' bleated Cyril
'Tiny?'
'Yes, he is my newt!'