Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 12 Jun 2019, 12:11am

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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 12 Jun 2019, 7:17am

^ Very good :D


My doctor has just prescribed me with a 3-month course of a herb. He said that Thyme is a great healer.
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 13 Jun 2019, 6:37pm

Two lads turned up to ride on the new velodrome
Bryn was nine years old, a bike to fit him was soon found, but Cyril was only six and a bit, and short for his age, he needed a very small machine
'Cyril is so small', bleated the trainer
..
'Of course, he is my half-brother!' explained Bryn
Last edited by brynpoeth on 14 Jun 2019, 5:32am, edited 1 time in total.
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 14 Jun 2019, 5:31am

At the pet shop

Customer: 'do you have monkeys?'
The junior salesperson hesitated..
'Please to wait while I fetch the manager'
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Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 14 Jun 2019, 12:06pm

brynpoeth wrote:"Please to wait while I fetch the manager"


:lol:

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Last edited by Debs on 14 Jun 2019, 12:08pm, edited 1 time in total.

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 14 Jun 2019, 12:07pm

I’ve been out looking for some roadkill, but it’s a bit thin on the ground.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 14 Jun 2019, 12:55pm

This old farmer goes along to the doctor, and says "Doctor, I have these 'ere warts on me backside..."

Doctor carries out a brief examination, and says "Don't worry, they're benign."

"Please count again Doctor, I'm sure there be ten..."
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

peetee
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 15 Jun 2019, 8:58am

An illusionists assistant planned to sue him for millions by faking an injury when being cut in half but the ruse went to pieces when he saw right through it.
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 15 Jun 2019, 10:36am

Cyril was small but smart, he read a lot
'Mum, it says in the Grauniad that there are too many children in the schools and too few teachers. Could Bryn and I stay at home for a while so the poor teachers do not have to work so hard? ', he suggested
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Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 15 Jun 2019, 10:40am

Bryn and Cyril soon became regulars at the velodrome, they got on well with the trainer, he seemed to know everything
Before each race he explained exactly how one might win, after every race he explained exactly why neither had won :?
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Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
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NATURAL ANKLING
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby NATURAL ANKLING » 16 Jun 2019, 10:08am

Hi,
661-Pete wrote:An insignificant little chap is quietly having lunch in a transport cafe, when a gang of Hell’s Angels lurch in. They assemble menacingly, surrounding the man, one of them reaches over to his plate, picks up a chip, dips it in the egg-yolk and eats it. Another grabs a sausage, takes a bite off it, then puts it back. A third takes a slurp from his mug of tea. This goes on for several minutes, then the man, who has taken no notice, quietly gets up without a word, pays, and leaves. One of the Hell's Angels walks up to the counter. “That bloke who just went out. Not much of a man is he?” he says. “He’s not much of a driver either,” replies the cafe owner, after a brief glance out of the window. “He’s just reversed his 44-tonne artic. over a dozen Harley Davidsons...”

Why not :wink: :lol:
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You'll Find Me At The Top Of A Hill...............Somewhere...After Dark..

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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 16 Jun 2019, 12:21pm

Botox used to be so rare... but now nobody raises an eyebrow.
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 17 Jun 2019, 5:06am

Took some fireworks back to the shop
'None of them worked', I bleated
'That is queer, I tested them all before selling them', puzzled the shopkeeper
Entertainer, juvenile, curmudgeon
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 17 Jun 2019, 9:06am

Two small boys went into a pub.
"Are you over 18?" asked the barman.
" 'Course we are. I'm 11, and my brother's 8..."
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

brynpoeth
Posts: 10140
Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 17 Jun 2019, 7:12pm

'I am not small, my pet reptile' Tiny' is much smaller than me' bleated Cyril
'Tiny?'
'Yes, he is my newt!'
Entertainer, juvenile, curmudgeon
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we love life