Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Mike Sales
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Joined: 7 Mar 2009, 3:31pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 9 Aug 2019, 11:03am

kwackers wrote:How many grammar Nazi's does it take to change a light bulb?

Too.


Surely you mean spelling and punctuation Nazis?

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661-Pete
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Location: Sussex

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 9 Aug 2019, 12:53pm

Mike Sales wrote:
kwackers wrote:How many grammar Nazi's does it take to change a light bulb?

Too.


Surely you mean spelling and punctuation Nazis?
They must have been collaborating with the greengrocer's.

Note: even foreign-origin words, when pluralised, don't need to be adorned with an apostrophe. So sayeth Fowler...
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 9 Aug 2019, 7:30pm

Ding a ling a Ling
Who's there?
Boris!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

mercalia
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Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 14 Aug 2019, 12:48pm

Not a joke but a funny story.

A young girl had her phone confiscated so she used the smart fridge instead :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/ ... GTUK_email

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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 14 Aug 2019, 12:52pm

Cool.
Cycling UK Life Member
PBP Ancien (2007)

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 14 Aug 2019, 1:08pm

Was it because her account was frozen?
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

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Pastychomper
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Pastychomper » 14 Aug 2019, 1:15pm

Given what little I know of Twitter, I can understand her being bored all summer if that's what she was doing. :roll:

Reminds me of another oldish joke:

@supermarket: Hello, Valued Customer. Your fridge contacted us to order another sirloin stake, but your bank changed the order to minced pork. It will be delivered tomorrow.
Everyone's ghast should get a good flabbering now and then.
--Ole Boot

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 14 Aug 2019, 2:09pm

Image

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 14 Aug 2019, 2:54pm

661-Pete wrote:
mercalia wrote:ah the undertaker acts 2 make people speak proper

The comma touch: Jacob Rees-Mogg's aides send language rules to staff
Not only that, but he's forcing everyone to use imperial units.

Has the guy no scruples*?

*or grains - or drams - or pennyweights - or rods, poles and perches?



well it seems he is right to bother?
Letter from Africa: The power of an apostrophe

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-49276228

pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 14 Aug 2019, 9:21pm

Alex Kealy: When applying for a job as an estate agent, the interviewer worried that my CV was a bit small. I said actually it’s really cosy and I was immediately hired.

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 16 Aug 2019, 5:13am

Got stopt by the cops, my lights were not wrkng properly
Went straight to the LBS
- I should like a dnamo fr my bke!-
The LBS person scrutinised my machine
- That would be a fair swap-, she bleated
Entertainer, juvenile, curmudgeon
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we love life

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 18 Aug 2019, 7:47pm

Sergeant Constable stopped a driver for a routine document check
'According to your licence, madam, you should be wearing glasses'
'I have contacts! ', she bleated
'I dinnae care who you know, I shall issue a ticket' said the officer
Entertainer, juvenile, curmudgeon
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we love life

Mike Sales
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Joined: 7 Mar 2009, 3:31pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 18 Aug 2019, 7:52pm

One night, stopped at a junction waiting for a police car to pass.
"Get some lights" he shouted.
"Its a dynamo."
Well get it fixed then."
True story.