Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 3 Oct 2019, 4:51pm

Spinners wrote:Brynpoeth will probably be familiar with English tourists visiting Wales and asking for directions "to the Hotel Gwesty".

Gwesty Hotel in the north, if you please :wink:
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 5 Oct 2019, 8:54am

'Cyril, why do you always sit at the back of the class so quietly? I wonder whether you are falling asleep', bleated the teacher

'I do give that impression, because so many undiscovered talents are slumbering in my breast', explained the lad
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Oct 2019, 11:33am

- Dad, what is it like having the best son in the world?
- Dunno, lad, ask yer grandfather!
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Oct 2019, 11:35am

- My great-grandfather is 90, he jogs 3 km every morning!
- Wow, what does he do in the afternoon?
- He starts on the way back home :?
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kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 7 Oct 2019, 11:37am

brynpoeth wrote:- Dad, what is it like having the best son in the world?
- Dunno, lad, ask yer grandfather!

Reminds me of the Simpson joke.

Homer comes in on Lisa and Bart fighting.
Homer softens when Bart says "we were fighting over who loves you the most".
So he allows the fight to continue:

"You love him more!"
"No, you love him more"

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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 7 Oct 2019, 11:59am

brynpoeth wrote:A couple from trumpland were staying in Berlin for a conference, the wife had an evening meeting, the hubby had some free time so he decided to go for a walk
He carefully noted the name of the street where they were staying, and set off

After a couple of hours he decided it was time to go back so he stopped a stranger and asked if she knew the way to..

'Einbahnstrasse'
(one-way street) :?


Client of mine had premises in the Fahrtgasse in Heidelberg.
Have we got time for another cuppa?

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Oct 2019, 12:10pm

Audax67 wrote:
brynpoeth wrote:A couple from trumpland were staying in Berlin for a conference, the wife had an evening meeting, the hubby had some free time so he decided to go for a walk
He carefully noted the name of the street where they were staying, and set off

After a couple of hours he decided it was time to go back so he stopped a stranger and asked if she knew the way to..

'Einbahnstrasse'
(one-way street) :?


Client of mine had premises in the Fahrtgasse in Heidelberg.

Not so far from Pforz-heim, fart-home, or Darm-stadt, intestine-town :wink:
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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 7 Oct 2019, 2:15pm

You don't have to go as far as Germany to see funny translations. Many have famously cropped up in Wales - though admittedly they'll only make sense to a Welsh speaker. Here is an example:
Image
Apparently the Welsh reads "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

richardfm
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby richardfm » 7 Oct 2019, 3:58pm

Spinners wrote:Brynpoeth will probably be familiar with English tourists visiting Wales and asking for directions "to the Hotel Gwesty".

Then there all those footpaths to Llwybr Cyhoeddus. So many places with the same name

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Oct 2019, 8:14pm

Not to mention Llanfair but that is no problem, the name is extended so the navi knows how to get to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantisiliogogogoch :wink:
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profpointy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby profpointy » 7 Oct 2019, 11:27pm

Pastychomper wrote:"What's a Grecian urn?", I asked the antiques dealer.

"About a thousand Euros a month," came the reply.


And what's the capital of Greece?

"about 500 Euros"

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 14 Oct 2019, 6:32pm

I recently installed a high current electric fence around my house.
My neighbour is dead against it.

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 19 Oct 2019, 8:35pm

- Late for school. Again! - barked the teacher :?

- Sorry, I had to wait for mum to finish my homework - bleated Cyril
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 19 Oct 2019, 8:54pm

A rabbit cycled up to the fuel pumps
'Fill her up, please!', he called to the attendant
'You must have a screw loose', came the reply
'Right again, please to tighten it too'
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pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 21 Oct 2019, 3:08pm

My children keep mocking my Alzheimer's but they won't be laughing at Christmas when there's no eggs under the bonfire.