Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 16 Oct 2020, 1:52pm

seems like the UK vaccine regresses humans to chimps

For its lead, the Times says an investigation by the paper has exposed a Russian disinformation campaign designed to undermine and spread fear about the vaccine being developed at Oxford University.

According to the paper, the crude theme is that the vaccine could turn people into monkeys because it uses a chimpanzee virus as a vector.

In response, the Russian embassy tells the paper the suggestion that Moscow would conduct any kind of propaganda against the vaccine is itself an example of disinformation - and obviously aimed at discrediting Russia's efforts in combating the pandemic.


chimps.JPG

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 17 Oct 2020, 10:52am

Monkey Trouble.JPG

would explain a lot about Trump

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 17 Oct 2020, 6:33pm

................ but chimpanzees aren't monkeys.
Mick F. Cornwall

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 21 Oct 2020, 10:45pm

I phoned in sick today and a suspicious sounding boss asked why I was only ever sick on weekdays.
I told him it was my weekend immune system.

(It's OK, I am a dad.)

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 22 Oct 2020, 7:21pm

osborne.JPG

santa.JPG

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cycleruk
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby cycleruk » 24 Oct 2020, 11:06am

Frank the farmer had a nagging wife. She made his life miserable. The only real peace he got was when he was out in the field ploughing.
One day while in the field, Frank’s wife brought him his lunch.
While he quietly ate she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Frank’s old donkey kicked up his back legs, struck her in the head killing her instantly.
At the funeral, the Priest noticed that when the women offered their sympathy, Frank would nod his head up and down.
But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
After the mourners left, the Priest approached Frank and asked, “Why did you nod your head up and down to all the women and shook from side to side to all the men?”
Well, Frank replied, “The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down.
And all the men asked, “Is that donkey for sale?”
You'll never know if you don't try it.

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 24 Oct 2020, 11:26am

cycleruk wrote:Frank the farmer had a nagging wife. She made his life miserable. The only real peace he got was when he was out in the field ploughing.
One day while in the field, Frank’s wife brought him his lunch.
While he quietly ate she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Frank’s old donkey kicked up his back legs, struck her in the head killing her instantly.
At the funeral, the Priest noticed that when the women offered their sympathy, Frank would nod his head up and down.
But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
After the mourners left, the Priest approached Frank and asked, “Why did you nod your head up and down to all the women and shook from side to side to all the men?”
Well, Frank replied, “The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down.
And all the men asked, “Is that donkey for sale?”


:lol:

paddler
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby paddler » 24 Oct 2020, 8:04pm

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Boris Johnson?

One causes starving miners, the other causes starving minors.

kwackers
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Location: Warrington

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 24 Oct 2020, 10:16pm

starveakid.jpg

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 25 Oct 2020, 7:03am

How does a policeperson get around?

She drives a Kia Proceed :wink:
Entertainer, intellectual, idealist, PoB, 30120
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies

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bigbloke
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Location: Upon my saddle! - in South Wales or wherever work takes me this week

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby bigbloke » 25 Oct 2020, 8:56am

As the Xmas party Season approaches, but public toilets are increasingly unavailable,a new online
resource has been established, offering advice for those "Caught short" at the last minute.

weebyanycar.com

:-)