Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Use this board for general non-cycling-related chat, or to introduce yourself to the forum.
User avatar
Cowsham
Posts: 4965
Joined: 4 Nov 2019, 1:33pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Cowsham »

Debs wrote: 11 May 2021, 8:34pm Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes,

that way when you do criticise you will be far enough away for them to not hear you.
:D
I'll use this one -- thanks Debs
I am here. Where are you?
Chris56
Posts: 213
Joined: 3 May 2020, 9:30pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Chris56 »

Debs wrote: 11 May 2021, 8:34pm Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes,

that way when you do criticise you will be far enough away for them to not hear you.
and also you will have their shoes!
deeferdonk
Posts: 166
Joined: 11 May 2019, 2:50pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by deeferdonk »

What's shiny and sounds like Tom Jones?





Trom bones.

:/
User avatar
Cowsham
Posts: 4965
Joined: 4 Nov 2019, 1:33pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Cowsham »

deeferdonk wrote: 12 May 2021, 12:58pm What's shiny and sounds like Tom Jones?





Trom bones.

:/
Class! :lol: Or maybe brass!
I am here. Where are you?
Mike Sales
Posts: 7883
Joined: 7 Mar 2009, 3:31pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Mike Sales »

I was amused to see the wearer of the maglia rosa listed as
Attila Valter (Hun).
It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the rich what gets the pleasure
Isn't it a blooming shame?
User avatar
661-Pete
Posts: 10593
Joined: 22 Nov 2012, 8:45pm
Location: Sussex

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by 661-Pete »

Mike Sales wrote: 14 May 2021, 5:00pm I was amused to see the wearer of the maglia rosa listed as
Attila Valter (Hun).
Blame his parents for that, after all he was (Wiki) born in Csömör, Hungary. I'm surprised that's not his nickname - or is it? - after all we've had a 'pirate', a 'cannibal', a 'badger' etc. etc....
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).
Mike Sales
Posts: 7883
Joined: 7 Mar 2009, 3:31pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Mike Sales »

661-Pete wrote: 15 May 2021, 10:03am
Mike Sales wrote: 14 May 2021, 5:00pm I was amused to see the wearer of the maglia rosa listed as
Attila Valter (Hun).
Blame his parents for that, after all he was (Wiki) born in Csömör, Hungary. I'm surprised that's not his nickname - or is it? - after all we've had a 'pirate', a 'cannibal', a 'badger' etc. etc....
I did guess that hun was short for Hungary
It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
It's the rich what gets the pleasure
Isn't it a blooming shame?
Debs
Posts: 1335
Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Debs »

My friends think i’m obsessed with Astronomy.

Really ? What planet are they on ?
pete75
Posts: 16370
Joined: 24 Jul 2007, 2:37pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by pete75 »

Does anyone know how long to cook those boil in the bag fish you get at the fair?
'Give me my bike, a bit of sunshine - and a stop-off for a lunchtime pint - and I'm a happy man.' - Reg Baker
User avatar
661-Pete
Posts: 10593
Joined: 22 Nov 2012, 8:45pm
Location: Sussex

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by 661-Pete »

pete75 wrote: 24 May 2021, 4:57pm Does anyone know how long to cook those boil in the bag fish you get at the fair?
That's sick! :shock:

Reminds me of the hoary old one - equally sick-o:
Q: What turns from green to red at the press of a button?
A: Kermit in a blender...
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).
User avatar
Mick F
Spambuster
Posts: 56359
Joined: 7 Jan 2007, 11:24am
Location: Tamar Valley, Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Mick F »

Was in the pub and the landlady was in conversation with us regulars and one chap remarked about how much someone we all know had consumed the other day. He's on the beer now, having been a wine drinker for years.

Landlady replied, "I see everything, and I hear everything, but I say nothing."

When I was a kid, we had a big ornamental tea cup on the shelf with other ornaments.
It was something to do with Yorkshire and Yorkshire sayings.
Just remembering it yesterday, it made me giggle.

Hear all. See all. Say nowt.
Eat all. Drink all. Pay nowt.
Mick F. Cornwall
Shuggie
Posts: 176
Joined: 21 Aug 2009, 7:38pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Shuggie »

Mick F wrote:Was in the pub and the landlady was in conversation with us regulars and one chap remarked about how much someone we all know had consumed the other day. He's on the beer now, having been a wine drinker for years.

Landlady replied, "I see everything, and I hear everything, but I say nothing."

When I was a kid, we had a big ornamental tea cup on the shelf with other ornaments.
It was something to do with Yorkshire and Yorkshire sayings.
Just remembering it yesterday, it made me giggle.

Hear all. See all. Say nowt.
Eat all. Drink all. Pay nowt.
“And if thoo ivver does owt fer nowt, do it fer thissen”
User avatar
Mick F
Spambuster
Posts: 56359
Joined: 7 Jan 2007, 11:24am
Location: Tamar Valley, Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Mick F »

Yes! :D :D
That was the other bit!
Thank you. Giggling and smiling again!

I must've been eight or nine years old when we had that cup.
Mick F. Cornwall
pete75
Posts: 16370
Joined: 24 Jul 2007, 2:37pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by pete75 »

Todays Maths problem. George is 68 and his girlfriend is a gorgeous 22 year old. Calculate how much money George has.
'Give me my bike, a bit of sunshine - and a stop-off for a lunchtime pint - and I'm a happy man.' - Reg Baker
User avatar
661-Pete
Posts: 10593
Joined: 22 Nov 2012, 8:45pm
Location: Sussex

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by 661-Pete »

Reminds me of the LA Maths Test.
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).
Post Reply