Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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pete75
Posts: 16370
Joined: 24 Jul 2007, 2:37pm

Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by pete75 »

Have you heard about the Frenchman with a wheat allergy?
He could only count to seven.
'Give me my bike, a bit of sunshine - and a stop-off for a lunchtime pint - and I'm a happy man.' - Reg Baker
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Swallow
Posts: 887
Joined: 4 Feb 2010, 10:13am
Location: Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Swallow »

Proof that a dog is a mans best friend.....
lock your dog and your wife in the boot of your car and go back in an hour and see which is pleased to see you
'Kernow bys Vyken'
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gaz
Posts: 14648
Joined: 9 Mar 2007, 12:09pm
Location: Kent

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by gaz »

Why did the Weeble go to the cash machine?












He wanted to check his balance.
High on a cocktail of flossy teacakes and marmalade
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Jeckyll_n_Snyde
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Location: On a globe avoiding Flat Earth NUTTERS
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Jeckyll_n_Snyde »

Why don't flies have balls ?












Because they can't dance. :wink:
MALE by the evolutionary process of natural selection
Heterosexual by choice
Atheist by the grace of G** :wink: :wink: :wink:
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jezer
Posts: 1581
Joined: 29 Sep 2007, 5:16pm
Location: North Wiltshire

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by jezer »

I bought Mrs Jezer a wooden leg for Christmas, it wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler :lol:
Power to the pedals
freeflow
Posts: 1636
Joined: 29 Aug 2011, 1:54pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by freeflow »

I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:
geocycle
Posts: 2177
Joined: 11 Jan 2007, 9:46am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by geocycle »

freeflow wrote:I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:

Is that yorkshire for a long walk?
TonyR
Posts: 5390
Joined: 31 Aug 2008, 12:51pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by TonyR »

geocycle wrote:
freeflow wrote:I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:

Is that yorkshire for a long walk?


Or cooking fat laced with Ecstasy? Rubbed into the mouth in what Yorkshire druggies refer to as "E by gum"
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jezer
Posts: 1581
Joined: 29 Sep 2007, 5:16pm
Location: North Wiltshire

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by jezer »

When I was at school I was the teacher's pet. She kept me in a cage at the back of the classroom. Alright it's an old one, but then so am I :?
Power to the pedals
TonyR
Posts: 5390
Joined: 31 Aug 2008, 12:51pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by TonyR »

jezer wrote:I bought Mrs Jezer a wooden leg for Christmas, it wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler :lol:


I got Mrs R an eye pad. I still don't understand what I did wrong - she'd been dropping hints about wanting one for months.
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al_yrpal
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Joined: 25 Jul 2007, 9:47pm
Location: Think Cheddar and Cider
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by al_yrpal »

Heres food for thought…Meskel Square, Addis Abeba: http://youtu.be/UEIn8GJIg0E Watch the peds and cyclists!

And.. To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present...

They are due back at the library today.

..and Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning and find a Tesco had been built next to his house. It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.

Jack and Jill,
Went up the hill,
To have some hanky panky,
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Franky.

One, two, three, four, five, once I caught a fish alive,
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
I'm barred from Deep Sea World again.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
The structure of the wall was incorrect,
So he got three grand from Claims Direct.

Mary had a little lamb,
It had a touch of colic,
She gave it brandy twice a day,
And now its alcoholic.
Al
Reuse, recycle, thus do your bit to save the planet.... Get stuff at auctions, Dump, Charity Shops, Facebook Marketplace, Ebay, Car Boots. Choose an Old House, and a Banger ..... And cycle as often as you can......
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Mick F
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Joined: 7 Jan 2007, 11:24am
Location: Tamar Valley, Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Mick F »

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But never seen her bare.
Mick F. Cornwall
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661-Pete
Posts: 10593
Joined: 22 Nov 2012, 8:45pm
Location: Sussex

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by 661-Pete »

Hmmm.... not all that funny and not all that clean. :roll:

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white and wispy.
One day, along came foot-and-mouth,
And now it's black and crispy....
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).
TonyR
Posts: 5390
Joined: 31 Aug 2008, 12:51pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by TonyR »

When Mary had a little lamb
The doctor was surprised
But when Macdonald had a farm
You should have seen his eyes!

Mary had a little lamb
The farmer shot it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And when the little lamb got out
The sheepdog tried to put it back again.

The old ones are the best.... IGMC
tatanab
Posts: 5033
Joined: 8 Feb 2007, 12:37pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by tatanab »

Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle
all over the kitchen floor.
The little dog laughed to see so much,
so the cat did a little bit more.
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