Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[windmiller]

Somone once asked Putin, "Would a woman ever be President of Russia?" "No", he replied, "Why not?", they said.

"Because I am not a woman", said Putin.

[ferrit worrier]

[Debs]

Breaking news....

Nelly the Elephant has tested positive for Coronavirus.

When asked where she got it from she replied, "TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP!"

[mercalia]

not a joke but I bet it will raise a smile



'Smart' male chastity device can be controlled by hackers, users warned

Chinese firm advises owners to break open device with screwdriver ‘when nothing else works’

A must have for the suspicious wife. Boris's wife should get one

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/oct/09/smart-male-chastity-device-controlled-hackers-warning?

[Debs]

I told my doctor that I get very depressed when doing the daily crosswords so quickly and easily.

He told me i shouldn't get two down.

[peetee]

That doctor is a good friend of mine. We had dinner together the other evening and he told me that story as he eight across the table from me.

[Cowsham]

Prescriptions are a bit cryptic though.

[peetee]

Prescriptions are a bit cryptic though.

But the chemist has all the solutions.

[tim-b]

A mate of mine died recently from severe indigestion
The prescription on his headstone read "Gav Is Gone"

[peetee]

A mate of mine died recently from severe indigestion

An unsettling story that I, for one, have no stomach for.
I’m sure he could have avoided it, if he had had the bottle.

[kwackers]

[youtube]ISxL-3GSKVA[/youtube]

[mercalia]

What were the worst misprints in history?

Perhaps the most sinful came from a 1631 edition of the Bible, in which the Seventh Commandment read: ‘Thou shalt commit adultery.’

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8841601/QI-quiz-masters-publish-compendium-questions-Funny-Ask.html

[profpointy]

What were the worst misprints in history?

Perhaps the most sinful came from a 1631 edition of the Bible, in which the Seventh Commandment read: ‘Thou shalt commit adultery.’

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8841601/QI-quiz-masters-publish-compendium-questions-Funny-Ask.html

There's the account of Moses returning to his people after receiving the commandments from God. Like many great leaders he was a sharp negotiator so he announces to his people "The good news, is that I've got him down to 10. The bad news is that adultery is still in"

[merseymouth]

Hi, Reminds me of the Methodist Minister asking in chapel "What is the Oldest profession?", He contended that it was Pharmacy!
Said that it said so in the Bible? "Moses took two tablets and departed up the mountain to pray!" MM

[pete75]

Moses was the first to have a car. It says in the bible that he came down from the mountain in his triumph.