Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[Debs]

My Henry had a rhinoplasty...

Okay i bought him a new hose, his original kept falling off at the most inappropriate moment,

although he's still a great performer at 28 years old

[mercalia]

Funny Signs

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8958461/Some-hilarious-warning-signs-seen-world.html

[Cyril Haearn]

- Did you enjoy going fishing with your uncle, love?
- It was okay, mum, we had a picnic, but we didnae catch even one stickleback! Not surprising really. The bait tastes disgusting

[mercalia]

- Did you enjoy going fishing with your uncle, love?
- It was okay, mum, we had a picnic, but we didnae catch even one stickleback! Not surprising really. The bait tastes disgusting

and they kept wriggling in my mouth

[kwackers]

[Debs]

[mercalia]

ouch!

[Cyril Haearn]

I used to use my Easynosh ClubCard to scrape ice off of the car windows, but it only got 20% orf

[Oldjohnw]

I loved this from HIGNFY:

After it was announced that gyms would reopen on 3rd December, thousands can't wait to not go to them again.

[Mick F]

nom.jpg

Sorry.
I don't get the joke at all.

Please explain.

Lost what in Nom, and where is Nom?

[kwackers]

Sorry.
I don't get the joke at all.

Please explain.

Only if we assume you've signed the following:-

"I Mick F hereby and without prejudice absolve Kwackers from any responsibility including but not limited to 'loss of humour', 'age related feelings of inadequacy', 'not being down with the kids' etc etc"

Nom.
It was first defined on Urban Dictionary in 2004. It can be ascribed to something a person wants to eat (“Wanna go get some noms?”), a specific food item, the process of eating (“That jerk nommed all my pizza”), or, more typically, the sound of eating itself.

And obviously "Nom" is a replacement for "Nam" referring to Americans(?) returning from Vietnam.
The implication being that he lost his leg in Nam - or in this case being a gingerbread man because someone 'Nommed' it.

[kylecycler]

Sorry.
I don't get the joke at all.

Please explain.

Only if we assume you've signed the following:-

"I Mick F hereby and without prejudice absolve Kwackers from any responsibility including but not limited to 'loss of humour', 'age related feelings of inadequacy', 'not being down with the kids' etc etc"

Nom.
It was first defined on Urban Dictionary in 2004. It can be ascribed to something a person wants to eat (“Wanna go get some noms?”), a specific food item, the process of eating (“That jerk nommed all my pizza”), or, more typically, the sound of eating itself.

And obviously "Nom" is a replacement for "Nam" referring to Americans(?) returning from Vietnam.
The implication being that he lost his leg in Nam - or in this case being a gingerbread man because someone 'Nommed' it.

Right, Mick, you can laugh now! (I needed it explained to me too! )

[Mick F]

Thanks Kwackers!
Thanks for explaining it, but it's not exactly funny. Doesn't even raise a smile.

Why "lost it" ........ when it should be "lost them"?
Hand and leg, is a Them, not an It.

[kwackers]

Thanks Kwackers!
Thanks for explaining it, but it's not exactly funny. Doesn't even raise a smile.

Why "lost it" ........ when it should be "lost them"?
Hand and leg, is a Them, not an It.

No joke is funny when you over analyse it - you did read the disclaimer?


There's an associated "I lost it in 'Nam, man" bit to it which seems to be lost forever in popular culture.
No idea where it came from but I instantly recognised it.

(Apparently in the 'states it used to be common when asked where someone was and you didn't know to say "we lost them in 'Nam")

[pete75]