Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[Cyril Haearn]

There are lots of unclean jokes here but none are nasty, racist etc
Plus One!

[Cyril Haearn]

I was driving my old volkswagen beetle when it broke down. Opened the bonnet, saw that the engine had fallen out

Soon a kindly old lady in another beetle stopped to help. I explained what had happened
- No problem, I have a spare engine in the boot!, she said

THAT is a clean joke

Might be best not to ask at a vw dealer, the lad at the counter asserted the beetle was first made in 1998 %#)

[philvantwo]

I had a taxi home last night, the driver pulled up outside our house and said 'that'll be £11 please'
I said 'I've only got a tenner, can you reverse a bit please?'

[gaz]

Batman is taking a shower in the Bat Hroom.

"Robin, pass me the Bat Scrub." Robin gives Batman the Bat Scrub.

"Robin, pass me the Bat Soap." Robin gives Batman the Bat Soap.

"Robin, pass me the Bat Shampoo". Robin gives Batman the Bat Shampoo.

"Robin, pass me ..."

Robin interrupts. "I've had enough of this. Bat Scrub, Bat Soap, Bat Shampoo. You even call it the Bat Hroom. Why does everything have to be Bat?"

"You're being ridiculous Robin, it's not Bat Everything. Now pass me that bottle of Conditioner Gordon."

[Cyril Haearn]

I had a taxi home last night, the driver pulled up outside our house and said 'that'll be £11 please'
I said 'I've only got a tenner, can you reverse a bit please?'

-Mum, may I have a quid for a bus ticket into town?

-Sorry love, I only have a fiver

-No problem, I shall get a taxi

[Cyril Haearn]

Grandad: now we must put the climbing frame away for the winter

Grandchild: NO, we must put you away for the winter!

[Cyril Haearn]

I want more cycling jokes and puns please

[geocycle]

I was out riding today when I saw a chap throwing blue bottles over a wall. I asked what he was doing....





Fly tipping!

[philvantwo]

The Mrs has got her sexy underwear on today, this can only mean one thing...............

She's behind with the washing!

[Spinners]

Sadly, the inventor of predictive text has passed away.

His funfair will be a weed on monkey.

[Audax67]

Not a joke, but a true story:

Emilien Amaury, the press baron, sometime Minister for Colonies, Pétainiste chief of propaganda, founder of l'Equipe newspaper and original owner of the Tour de France, died in 1977 after being thrown by his horse. One of his favourite sayings was "News need not be exact but it must be shocking".

Charlie Hébdo's headline: "A swine is dead".

Libération's: "The horse is OK".

[Cyril Haearn]

This joke is clean, right?

Alaska is much too big, there are plans to split it into two States, East and West

Texas protested strongly because this would make the lonestar state only the third biggest in the Union

[Vorpal]

I want more cycling jokes and puns please

Careful, you might get limericks.

[Vitara]

I've joined the Chinese Whispers Club

The first rule is that you don't talk about Chinese Whisper Club

The second rule is that chew drink & walk around Viennese sisters pub

[Grarea]

I've joined the Chinese Whispers Club

The first rule is that you don't talk about Chinese Whisper Club

The second rule is that chew drink & walk around Viennese sisters pub

I wish I could do 'likes'.