Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[merseymouth]

Spot on about Startrek? When they land on an alien planet the one crew member who has to die is always wearing the red uniform top
Hard on LFC & ManU fans! Live long and prosper. MM
* My daughter has a garden ornament playing on that fact.

[Mick F]

Spot on about Startrek? When they land on an alien planet the one crew member who has to die is always wearing the red uniform top

It was always in black and white in our house.

[tim-b]

Hi

Spot on about Startrek? When they land on an alien planet the one crew member who has to die is always wearing the red uniform top

It was always in black and white in our house.

He'd have been the one behind the blue uniforms...or was that a snooker commentary from Ted Lowe?
Regards
tim-b

[kwackers]

He'd have been the one behind the blue uniforms...or was that a snooker commentary from Ted Lowe?
Regards
tim-b

Yep, he famously said: "and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green.""

[Debs]

Q. What’s bordering on the ridiculous?

A. Scotland and Wales.

[reohn2]

Q. What’s bordering on the ridiculous?

A. Scotland and Wales.

How true or should that be

[Mike Sales]

Poor Wales, so far from God and so close to England.
(I have pinched that from Porfirio Diaz, President of Mexico)

[jimlews]

Capture.JPG

Kirk had exceptional hearing.

In addition to the normal left and right ears, he also had THE FINAL FRONT EAR!

[DaveReading]

Kirk had exceptional hearing.

In addition to the normal left and right ears, he also had THE FINAL FRONT EAR!

Gosh, I haven't heard that one since the 1950s (in those days it was Davy Crockett, king of the wild front ear).

[reohn2]

Then there's Scottish Star Trek (language alert):- https://youtu.be/lCrldZnuGi8

[Audax67]

Then there's Scottish Star Trek (language alert):- https://youtu.be/lCrldZnuGi8

Despite living in Scotland for years I had trouble with that. Turning on the autogen subtitles didn't help:

"...in 60 seconds nipple courtship if you surrender conditions to us"

[Pastychomper]

Poor Wales, so far from God and so close to England.
(I have pinched that from Porfirio Diaz, President of Mexico)

Reminds me of the comment by Thomas More in A man for all seasons: "It profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world ... but for Wales?"

(I don't know if he considered Wales to be of low value, perhaps he simply recognised that no Englishman could ever truly rule the Welsh, making the other man's title worthless).

[peetee]

Audi parts dealerships were due to stay closed for the foreseeable but all their customers just put their foot down.

[tim-b]

...and there aren't any indications that BMW dealers will re-open

[Cowsham]

What has six wheels and flies?

A bin lorry.