Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Flinders
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Flinders »

Audax67 wrote:Not a joke, but a true story:

Emilien Amaury, the press baron, sometime Minister for Colonies, Pétainiste chief of propaganda, founder of l'Equipe newspaper and original owner of the Tour de France, died in 1977 after being thrown by his horse. One of his favourite sayings was "News need not be exact but it must be shocking".

Charlie Hébdo's headline: "A swine is dead".

Libération's: "The horse is OK".


I wish we could do likes too, for this one. :lol:
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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Spinners »

The British Weak Bladder Society has just launched a telephone helpline.

Calls cost one pee per minute.
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Pastychomper
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Pastychomper »

I found a piece of amber in a stream. There was an ancient parasite preserved inside.

It was the oldest tick in the brook.
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landsurfer
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by landsurfer »

Army guy, Navy guy and a RAF guy are having a briefing before they deploy to Afghanistan;

"Army, what is your mission when you deploy from the helio?" Secure the area, post guards and sentries and erect tents. Sir !

"Navy, if you have to deploy your Marines what is your mission?" View INTEL, insert the Marine team into the area, provide support while they get the area secured and put their tents up. Captain.

"RAF, what is your first priority ?" ...... Well i'm wondering what the hell the tent is doing in my hotel room !!!!!
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Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Cyril Haearn »

Where does a policeperson live?
999 Letsby Avenue

What does she have for tea?
Truncheon meat
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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Mick F »

Spinners wrote:The British Weak Bladder Society has just launched a telephone helpline.

Calls cost one pee per minute.

Only 1p a minute?
More like 3p a minute! :oops:
Mick F. Cornwall
Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Cyril Haearn »

Some animals got into conversation

- I am a wolf-hound, mother wolf, father hound, what are you?

- I am a sheep-dog, mother sheep, father dog, what are you?

- I am a horse-fly..
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gaz
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by gaz »

Cyril Haearn wrote:Where does a policeperson live?

Letsby.png

https://www.google.com/maps/place/South ... -1.3995552
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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Spinners »

I love 70's music so I went to a Hot Chocolate buffet this lunchtime... it started with a quiche.
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pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by pete75 »

We've finally received a confirmed message from another life form in the Galaxy. They live on a planet 12 light years away and are keen to hear from anyone on earth who has been mis-sold PPI....
'Give me my bike, a bit of sunshine - and a stop-off for a lunchtime pint - and I'm a happy man.' - Reg Baker
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[XAP]Bob
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by [XAP]Bob »

gaz wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:Where does a policeperson live?

Letsby.png
https://www.google.com/maps/place/South ... -1.3995552


Awesome...
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Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Cyril Haearn »

"Why does the giraffe have such a long neck?" asked the teacher
There was silence for an moment, then one of the boys at the the back suggested: "so she cannae smell her feet?"
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Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Cyril Haearn »

Audax67 wrote:Not a joke, but a true story:

Emilien Amaury, the press baron, sometime Minister for Colonies, Pétainiste chief of propaganda, founder of l'Equipe newspaper and original owner of the Tour de France, died in 1977 after being thrown by his horse. One of his favourite sayings was "News need not be exact but it must be shocking".

Charlie Hébdo's headline: "A swine is dead".

Libération's: "The horse is OK".

More French jokes please, does French humour work in English, do you have any about MacRon?
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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by fausto copy »

Thought he was Scottish. :)
Bonefishblues
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Post by Bonefishblues »

gaz wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:Where does a policeperson live?

Letsby.png
https://www.google.com/maps/place/South ... -1.3995552

Nice to see a sense of humour amongst Plod :)
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