Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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windmiller
Posts: 629
Joined: 9 Feb 2009, 5:10pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby windmiller » 10 Oct 2020, 11:42am

Somone once asked Putin, "Would a woman ever be President of Russia?" "No", he replied, "Why not?", they said.

"Because I am not a woman", said Putin.

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ferrit worrier
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Location: south Manchester

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby ferrit worrier » 10 Oct 2020, 5:42pm

IMG-20201010-WA0000.jpg
Percussive maintainance, if it don't fit, hit it with the hammer.

Debs
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Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 10 Oct 2020, 6:06pm

Breaking news....

Nelly the Elephant has tested positive for Coronavirus.

When asked where she got it from she replied, "TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP!"

mercalia
Posts: 14219
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 11 Oct 2020, 1:11pm

not a joke but I bet it will raise a smile

Image

'Smart' male chastity device can be controlled by hackers, users warned

Chinese firm advises owners to break open device with screwdriver ‘when nothing else works’


A must have for the suspicious wife. Boris's wife should get one

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/oct/09/smart-male-chastity-device-controlled-hackers-warning?

Debs
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Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 12 Oct 2020, 8:12pm

I told my doctor that I get very depressed when doing the daily crosswords so quickly and easily.

He told me i shouldn't get two down.

peetee
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Joined: 4 May 2010, 10:20pm
Location: Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 12 Oct 2020, 9:15pm

That doctor is a good friend of mine. We had dinner together the other evening and he told me that story as he eight across the table from me.
Current status report:
Back on two wheels in deepest Pastyland and loving every minute. Mission: to enjoy big, bad hills again.

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 13 Oct 2020, 1:20pm

Prescriptions are a bit cryptic though.

peetee
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Joined: 4 May 2010, 10:20pm
Location: Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 13 Oct 2020, 1:29pm

Cowsham wrote:Prescriptions are a bit cryptic though.


But the chemist has all the solutions.
Current status report:
Back on two wheels in deepest Pastyland and loving every minute. Mission: to enjoy big, bad hills again.

tim-b
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Joined: 10 Oct 2009, 8:20am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tim-b » 14 Oct 2020, 5:56am

A mate of mine died recently from severe indigestion
The prescription on his headstone read "Gav Is Gone"
~~~~¯\(ツ)/¯~~~~

peetee
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Joined: 4 May 2010, 10:20pm
Location: Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 14 Oct 2020, 8:32am

tim-b wrote:A mate of mine died recently from severe indigestion


An unsettling story that I, for one, have no stomach for.
I’m sure he could have avoided it, if he had had the bottle.
Current status report:
Back on two wheels in deepest Pastyland and loving every minute. Mission: to enjoy big, bad hills again.

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 15 Oct 2020, 10:53am


mercalia
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Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 15 Oct 2020, 12:24pm

What were the worst misprints in history?

Perhaps the most sinful came from a 1631 edition of the Bible, in which the Seventh Commandment read: ‘Thou shalt commit adultery.’


https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8841601/QI-quiz-masters-publish-compendium-questions-Funny-Ask.html

profpointy
Posts: 516
Joined: 9 Jun 2011, 10:34pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby profpointy » 15 Oct 2020, 6:42pm

mercalia wrote:What were the worst misprints in history?

Perhaps the most sinful came from a 1631 edition of the Bible, in which the Seventh Commandment read: ‘Thou shalt commit adultery.’


https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8841601/QI-quiz-masters-publish-compendium-questions-Funny-Ask.html


There's the account of Moses returning to his people after receiving the commandments from God. Like many great leaders he was a sharp negotiator so he announces to his people "The good news, is that I've got him down to 10. The bad news is that adultery is still in"

merseymouth
Posts: 1996
Joined: 23 Jan 2011, 11:16am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby merseymouth » 16 Oct 2020, 8:39am

Hi, Reminds me of the Methodist Minister asking in chapel "What is the Oldest profession?", He contended that it was Pharmacy!
Said that it said so in the Bible? "Moses took two tablets and departed up the mountain to pray!" :roll: :roll: MM

pete75
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Joined: 24 Jul 2007, 2:37pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 16 Oct 2020, 12:32pm

Moses was the first to have a car. It says in the bible that he came down from the mountain in his triumph.