Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[Oldjohnw]

I nearly got knocked off my bike last night by a council salt lorry.

"Idiot" I shouted, through gritted teeth.

[fausto copy]

[kwackers]

There's a new soft variant of Covid p-19 in the south and London.
It’s believed to spread in wine bars and has to wear a coat to go outside.

[Oldjohnw]

There's a new soft variant of Covid p-19 in the south and London.
It’s believed to spread in wine bars and has to wear a coat to go outside.

Phew! We northern barbarians should be safe. Shorts and Tee shirts midwinter.

[kwackers]

Phew! We northern barbarians should be safe. Shorts and Tee shirts midwinter.

Some years ago I was doing a 'gig' in Brighton at the tail end of the year.
I left the office to have a mooch at dinner time in my t-shirt and remember thinking how warm it was whilst all around me people looked as if they where dressed for the artic.

As I'm wandering around a couple came up and asked where the station was, I got as far as saying "If you head that way and turn le..." before they started laughing, the bloke turned to the woman and said "told you" and then they very rudely turned and walked away!

[colin54]

I nearly got knocked off my bike last night by a council salt lorry.

"Idiot" I shouted, through gritted teeth.

Peppered with salt ? ...call for the The Meat Wagon.

[reohn2]

I nearly got knocked off my bike last night by a council salt lorry.

"Idiot" I shouted, through gritted teeth.

Peppered with salt ? ...call for the The Meat Wagon.

I like your condiment!

[colin54]

I like your condiment!

Lucky it wasn't a lot messier, it could have been the Coleman's lorry.

[reohn2]

I like your condiment!

Lucky it wasn't a lot messier, it could have been the Coleman's lorry.

Yer mustard you are

[jezer]

You should have ridden a bit faster so you could ketchup.

[Oldjohnw]

You should have ridden a bit faster so you could ketchup.

For the loose chips on the road?

[Jdsk]

As I've asked so many times: have you got a source for these?

Jonathan

[colin54]

As I've asked so many times: have you got a source for these?

Jonathan

West from Northumberland

[Mick F]

Some years ago I was doing a 'gig' in Brighton at the tail end of the year.
I left the office to have a mooch at dinner time in my t-shirt and remember thinking how warm it was whilst all around me people looked as if they where dressed for the artic.

True story, and not part of the jokes.

We're Lancastrians.

I joined the RN, and met the future Mrs Mick F and married a couple of years later. Been in the RN four years when we married.
Moved into Married Quarters in Fife, Scotland and lived there six years - two children born there.
Moved to Plymstock, Plymouth in January and couldn't believe the warm climate from being so long in E Scotland.
Went shopping wearing loose clothing and couldn't understand why everybody else was in hats and wrapped up in thick overcoats.

[mercalia]