Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Use this board for general non-cycling-related chat, or to introduce yourself to the forum.
Oldjohnw
Posts: 5747
Joined: 16 Oct 2018, 4:23am
Location: Northumberland

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 14 Dec 2020, 6:07am

I nearly got knocked off my bike last night by a council salt lorry.

"Idiot" I shouted, through gritted teeth.
John

User avatar
fausto copy
Posts: 2678
Joined: 14 Dec 2008, 6:51pm
Location: Pembrokeshire

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 14 Dec 2020, 4:50pm

:D

kwackers
Posts: 15231
Joined: 4 Jun 2008, 9:29pm
Location: Warrington

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 14 Dec 2020, 5:05pm

There's a new soft variant of Covid p-19 in the south and London.
It’s believed to spread in wine bars and has to wear a coat to go outside.

Oldjohnw
Posts: 5747
Joined: 16 Oct 2018, 4:23am
Location: Northumberland

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 14 Dec 2020, 6:10pm

kwackers wrote:There's a new soft variant of Covid p-19 in the south and London.
It’s believed to spread in wine bars and has to wear a coat to go outside.



Phew! We northern barbarians should be safe. Shorts and Tee shirts midwinter.
John

kwackers
Posts: 15231
Joined: 4 Jun 2008, 9:29pm
Location: Warrington

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 14 Dec 2020, 6:22pm

Oldjohnw wrote:Phew! We northern barbarians should be safe. Shorts and Tee shirts midwinter.

Some years ago I was doing a 'gig' in Brighton at the tail end of the year.
I left the office to have a mooch at dinner time in my t-shirt and remember thinking how warm it was whilst all around me people looked as if they where dressed for the artic.

As I'm wandering around a couple came up and asked where the station was, I got as far as saying "If you head that way and turn le..." before they started laughing, the bloke turned to the woman and said "told you" and then they very rudely turned and walked away!

colin54
Posts: 1484
Joined: 24 Sep 2013, 4:34pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby colin54 » 14 Dec 2020, 7:05pm

Oldjohnw wrote:I nearly got knocked off my bike last night by a council salt lorry.

"Idiot" I shouted, through gritted teeth.


Peppered with salt ? ...call for the The Meat Wagon.

reohn2
Posts: 40642
Joined: 26 Jun 2009, 8:21pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby reohn2 » 14 Dec 2020, 7:13pm

colin54 wrote:
Oldjohnw wrote:I nearly got knocked off my bike last night by a council salt lorry.

"Idiot" I shouted, through gritted teeth.


Peppered with salt ? ...call for the The Meat Wagon.


I like your condiment!
-----------------------------------------------------------

colin54
Posts: 1484
Joined: 24 Sep 2013, 4:34pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby colin54 » 14 Dec 2020, 7:59pm

reohn2 wrote:
I like your condiment!
Lucky it wasn't a lot messier, it could have been the Coleman's lorry.

reohn2
Posts: 40642
Joined: 26 Jun 2009, 8:21pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby reohn2 » 14 Dec 2020, 9:12pm

colin54 wrote:
reohn2 wrote:
I like your condiment!
Lucky it wasn't a lot messier, it could have been the Coleman's lorry.

Yer mustard you are :wink:
-----------------------------------------------------------

User avatar
jezer
Posts: 1558
Joined: 29 Sep 2007, 5:16pm
Location: North Wiltshire

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jezer » 15 Dec 2020, 8:35am

You should have ridden a bit faster so you could ketchup.
Power to the pedals

Oldjohnw
Posts: 5747
Joined: 16 Oct 2018, 4:23am
Location: Northumberland

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 15 Dec 2020, 8:37am

jezer wrote:You should have ridden a bit faster so you could ketchup.


For the loose chips on the road?
John

Jdsk
Posts: 5178
Joined: 5 Mar 2019, 5:42pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Jdsk » 15 Dec 2020, 8:55am

As I've asked so many times: have you got a source for these?

Jonathan

colin54
Posts: 1484
Joined: 24 Sep 2013, 4:34pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby colin54 » 15 Dec 2020, 9:09am

Jdsk wrote:As I've asked so many times: have you got a source for these?

Jonathan

West from Northumberland
P1120152.JPG

User avatar
Mick F
Spambuster
Posts: 50650
Joined: 7 Jan 2007, 11:24am
Location: Tamar Valley, Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 15 Dec 2020, 2:39pm

kwackers wrote:Some years ago I was doing a 'gig' in Brighton at the tail end of the year.
I left the office to have a mooch at dinner time in my t-shirt and remember thinking how warm it was whilst all around me people looked as if they where dressed for the artic.
True story, and not part of the jokes.

We're Lancastrians.

I joined the RN, and met the future Mrs Mick F and married a couple of years later. Been in the RN four years when we married.
Moved into Married Quarters in Fife, Scotland and lived there six years - two children born there.
Moved to Plymstock, Plymouth in January and couldn't believe the warm climate from being so long in E Scotland.
Went shopping wearing loose clothing and couldn't understand why everybody else was in hats and wrapped up in thick overcoats. :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall

mercalia
Posts: 14578
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 15 Dec 2020, 4:57pm

Capture.JPG