Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 22 Jan 2021, 4:54pm

Debs wrote:Image

Not sure if this is really funny or even a joke! :roll:


Perhaps the word hidden behind the top rail is actually "Boats" :roll:

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 22 Jan 2021, 5:18pm

fausto copy wrote:Perhaps the word hidden behind the top rail is actually "Boats" :roll:


It says 'Holmes' ...i think, my dear Watson :wink:

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Syd
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Syd » 22 Jan 2021, 5:22pm

Debs wrote:Image

Not sure if this is really funny or even a joke! :roll:

Don’t let the truth get in the way of a joke.

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk ... g-19675970

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 22 Jan 2021, 5:26pm

Syd wrote:Don’t let the truth get in the way of a joke.

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk ... g-19675970

Spoilsport.

Anyway it's not actually a lie, that picture is genuine just not complete...

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 24 Jan 2021, 3:12pm

lockdown.jpg

pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 25 Jan 2021, 11:27am

kwackers wrote:
Syd wrote:Don’t let the truth get in the way of a joke.

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk ... g-19675970

Spoilsport.

Anyway it's not actually a lie, that picture is genuine just not complete...


The developers say it won't flood but then they would say that. A new estate near here was built where locals said there was a flood risk. Developers, planners etc said adequate steps were being taken to mitigate the risk. It flooded a couple of weeks ago. Another new estate build a few years ago in a different place. Didn't flood but caused other houses to flood from it's run off. They'd been built in the 1920s and had never flooded previously. Does anyone think these developers care once they've offloaded the ticky tacky properties to some mugs eager to get on/move up the property ladder. Any problems with permissions - party donations are always welcome. If Richard Desmond can buy a minister like Robert Jenrick for a mere 12,000 quid think how cheap it must be to buy local councillors.

mattheus
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mattheus » 25 Jan 2021, 12:19pm

pete75 wrote:
kwackers wrote:
Syd wrote:Don’t let the truth get in the way of a joke.

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk ... g-19675970

Spoilsport.

Anyway it's not actually a lie, that picture is genuine just not complete...


The developers say it won't flood but then they would say that.

Can you see the raised ground in the background? That is where they are building. Not in the drainage area in the foreground. It's plain to see (not sea!), hardly a matter of "they would say that".

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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 25 Jan 2021, 1:03pm

mattheus wrote:
pete75 wrote:
kwackers wrote:Spoilsport.

Anyway it's not actually a lie, that picture is genuine just not complete...


The developers say it won't flood but then they would say that.

Can you see the raised ground in the background? That is where they are building. Not in the drainage area in the foreground. It's plain to see (not sea!), hardly a matter of "they would say that".


The stuff that's just a few feet above the floodwater. Yes I saw that. Similar to the development that flooded near here.

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 25 Jan 2021, 4:12pm

The first house has gone up already :D

Image

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 26 Jan 2021, 9:40am

The only thing flat earthers fear is sphere itself

Chris56
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Chris56 » 26 Jan 2021, 1:16pm

Given last night was Burns night:

Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prince moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No," replies the doctor, "this is the Burns Unit."

Oldjohnw
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 26 Jan 2021, 3:31pm

Amazing. I was just about to post the above!
John

colin54
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby colin54 » 26 Jan 2021, 4:04pm

Chris56 wrote:
"No," replies the doctor, "this is the Burns Unit."

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Burns Club hoot of approval..
P1000949.JPG

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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Chris56 » 26 Jan 2021, 8:22pm

Oldjohnw wrote:Amazing. I was just about to post the above!


Great minds and that :mrgreen:

We always do Haggis, Neaps and Tatties on Burns night.

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 27 Jan 2021, 9:22am

Story alert! :D

Not long after marrying, we moved up to Rosyth, Fife. Moved there summer 1974. I was 22 and Mrs Mick F was 18.
Both of us are Lancashire people and had no idea about Scotland or the Scottish way of life.
One evening, we went to a nearby village for a couple of drinks at a pub.

It happened to be Burns Night, but we'd never heard of it or had any idea that Burns even had a night.
Half way through the evening, a chap in a skirt with bagpipes squealing came in. closely followed by someone carrying a haggis on a tray.

Mrs Mick F and me roared with laughter and thought is a was silly joke! :lol:
No-one heard us laughing over the noise of the squealing and the audience clapping though.
Mick F. Cornwall