Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 25 Dec 2018, 7:17pm

sjs wrote:..
Most of the jokes in this thread are very bad indeed
..

I have contributed many but I do not feel insulted
Please supply some good jokes, thank you in advance
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love the three Es: enforcement, enforcement & enforcement

sjs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby sjs » 25 Dec 2018, 7:31pm

661-Pete wrote:
sjs wrote:Which circumstances are those? Most of the jokes in this thread are very bad indeed. Why does this one deserve such a long-winded response?

Because it's not a joke, it's an insult. And offensive to boot.

.


I think maybe you're easily offended. Do you think making suggestions in big fonts should increase the likelihood of those suggestions being adopted?
Merry Christmas by the way.

sjs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby sjs » 25 Dec 2018, 7:37pm

brynpoeth wrote:
sjs wrote:..
Most of the jokes in this thread are very bad indeed
..

I have contributed many but I do not feel insulted
Please supply some good jokes, thank you in advance


I'm glad you don't feel insulted. There's nothing wrong with bad jokes, maybe yours are among the better ones and it's only my opinion anyway.

I'll try to think of some and you can criticise them individually if you like.

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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 25 Dec 2018, 7:54pm

To broaden my social circle I joined the oesteopath's society.... but didn’t really click.
Cycling UK Life Member

sjs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby sjs » 25 Dec 2018, 8:30pm

sjs wrote:
brynpoeth wrote:
sjs wrote:..
Most of the jokes in this thread are very bad indeed
..

I have contributed many but I do not feel insulted
Please supply some good jokes, thank you in advance


I'm glad you don't feel insulted. There's nothing wrong with bad jokes, maybe yours are among the better ones and it's only my opinion anyway.

I'll try to think of some and you can criticise them individually if you like.


How about this, from some time ago (I hope the link works)?

viewtopic.php?f=15&t=93708&p=861874&hilit=malaysia#p861874

sjs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby sjs » 25 Dec 2018, 8:32pm

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings and Walt disnae.

sjs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby sjs » 25 Dec 2018, 8:34pm

Did you know, the people of Dubai really don't like the Flintstones, but the people of Abu Dhabi do.

Vitara
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Vitara » 25 Dec 2018, 9:04pm

fausto copy wrote:Interesting one that...and any particular reason the electrician was female?

It's a bit like my favourite:
you can put hot things in a vacuum flask and it they stay hot
and you can put cold things in and they stay cold.
But how does it know?


I got a vacuum flask from Santa
Now I know how it works I'm going to use it on tomorrow's ride
I think I'll take soup and ice cream

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100%JR
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 100%JR » 26 Dec 2018, 11:26am

661-Pete wrote:
sjs wrote:Which circumstances are those? Most of the jokes in this thread are very bad indeed. Why does this one deserve such a long-winded response?

Because it's not a joke, it's an insult. And offensive to boot.
I suggest this thread be locked. Some people have tried to contribute genuine - albeit old and well-worn - jokes. Others have hijacked it as a vehicle for their petty little prejudices.

Insult..No.
Offensive..What?????????
Oh dear,oh dear,oh dear :roll:
Some people really shouldn't be on the internet at all.

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 26 Dec 2018, 11:37am

More bad jokes please, the worst wins a prize :wink:

What makes a bad joke? Unfunny? Not sexist, racist etc, certainly
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love the three Es: enforcement, enforcement & enforcement

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest bad joke I've read recently

Postby brynpoeth » 26 Dec 2018, 11:47am

NATURAL ANKLING wrote:Hi,
How can you tell someone's a Vegan?

They'll Tell You!

How might one identify a plain-clothes policeperson? (They do not identify themself)
..
By their posture, how they observe, they address people as 'sir', 'madam', probably wear a uniform leather jacket
..
Is that bad enough?
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love the three Es: enforcement, enforcement & enforcement

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 26 Dec 2018, 12:14pm

Bad jokes then! I just thought, in a moment of idleness, I'd see what our cross-channel neighbours say about us Anglais fous (incidentally, the term les rosbifs is all but obsolete - if it ever did have any currency). If you don't speak French, don't worry! Just pump them into Google Translate, they'll translate OK...
(Q): Qu'est-ce qui est long, dur et qui debouche sur 40 millions de trous-du-cul?
(R): Le tunnel sous la manche.

Deux vieux anglais jouent au golf.
Sur la route voisine arrive un cortège d'enterrement.
Le premier anglais arrête de jouer, enlève sa casquette, tandis que passe le cortège funèbre.
- Ah!, dit l'autre, Quel civisme ! je n'aurais jamais imaginé qu'un joueur comme vous se découvrirait sur le passage d'un enterrement !
- C'est à dire que nous avons tout de même été mariés pendant 40 ans.

Un anglais est assis sur un banc public à côté d'un français
- Attention, un guêpe, dit l'anglais.
- On dit une guêpe
- Aow. Vous avez de bons yeux!

Un jeune étudiant français est envoyé par ses parents passer un mois dans une famille riche anglaise. Le père lui fait faire le tour de la propriété.
- C'est un terrain de golf que vous avez là? dit le français. Magnifique! Vous jouez souvent?
- Non, j'ai essayé une fois, mais ça ne m'a pas plu. Trop fatigant.
Puis ils aperçoivent deux chevaux superbes dans un enclos.
- Ah? dit le français. Vous faites de l'équitation!
- Non, j'ai essayé une fois, mais ça ne m'a pas plu. Trop fatigant...
La visite se poursuit et ils longent un court de tennis.
- Et je suppose que...
- Non, non, dit l'Anglais. J'ai essayé une fois, mais ça ne m'a pas plu.Trop fatigant.
A ce moment-là, un jeune homme s'avance vers eux.
- Ah, mon jeune ami, je vous présente mon fils, William.
Le Français lui serre la main puis se tourne vers le père:
- Fils unique, je présume...
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 26 Dec 2018, 12:21pm

Plus One, I am half English, don't mind English jokes in French, I could understand the last one without translation :wink:
Hope no-one else was offended
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love the three Es: enforcement, enforcement & enforcement

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NATURAL ANKLING
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby NATURAL ANKLING » 26 Dec 2018, 9:25pm

Hi,
Come on brynpoeth that's a bad joke :)
Even If I could understand the French I doubt I would be offended.
We had any number of bad jokes at school and no one was ever offended, even the racist ones, best mate was a scot :)
As you get older you tend not to be offended much / or don't bite.
My bad joke was as others have said SO Lame, if it offended "then grow some" I.M.O.
See what I did there I took a leaf out of someone else's book :mrgreen:

Have a good one (American) and lets get some more miles in next year :)
Priority Is Still 500K In 24..Just Dreaming...Stay Focused Guys And Keep Sharp...
You'll Find Me At The Top Of a Hill...............Somewhere...After Dark..

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 26 Dec 2018, 10:02pm

Some of these jokes are so bad that they are good :wink:
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love the three Es: enforcement, enforcement & enforcement