Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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NATURAL ANKLING
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby NATURAL ANKLING » 26 Dec 2018, 11:31pm

Hi,
Knock knock, who’s there?
A little old lady
A little old lady who

I didn’t know you could yodel :mrgreen:
If You Don't Try You Don't Do.....Don't Do You Don't Get...I'm Still Trying....Well Very..
You'll Find Me At The Top Of A Hill...............Somewhere...After Dark..

peetee
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 27 Dec 2018, 9:53am

Knock knock
"Who's there?"
"What did your last servant die of?"
Current status report:
Latter side of fifty and feeling less than nifty.
Too many bikes on pegs and too few miles in the legs.

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 29 Dec 2018, 2:28pm

'Who can name six ferocious animals?' asked the teacher
'A lion, a bear..' essayed Amanda
'A lion, a bear, another lion..' bleated Cyril
Bryn at the back looked up from his penny dreadful: 'simples. Three lions and three bears!'
Last edited by brynpoeth on 28 Jul 2019, 7:59pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Pastychomper
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Pastychomper » 3 Jan 2019, 10:25am

A "fundamental concept of humor (known by every stand-up comedian in the world) is that a joke is usually a comment about someone else, and often not a very nice comment", says Maddog Hall. Btw I found that a fairly amusing article with some nice old Unix jokes.
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 3 Jan 2019, 10:55am

Pastychomper wrote:A "fundamental concept of humor (known by every stand-up comedian in the world) is that a joke is usually a comment about someone else, and often not a very nice comment", says Maddog Hall. Btw I found that a fairly amusing article with some nice old Unix jokes.

I thought he was Welsh for a moment, Madog, or is he 'mad dog'?
I prefer to make jokes against myself, I am a lazy idiot, I did not bother bringing my bike inside once, locked it to the railings outside, a nasty idiot nicked it
Never had a bike nicked actually, but I did steal that joke, mind :wink:
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Jan 2019, 2:51pm

'Waiter, there is a dead fly in my soup!', I bleated

'You do not want to complain, monsieur? Our soup is always served piping hot, the fly died instantly!'
Last edited by brynpoeth on 7 Jul 2019, 7:50pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Jan 2019, 3:08pm

-My sister is on holiday in the Caribbean

-Jamaica? [Did you make her]

-No she went of her own Accord!
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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 7 Jan 2019, 5:34pm

brynpoeth wrote:-My sister is on holiday in the Caribbean

-Jamaica? [Did you make her]

-No she went of her own Accord!
Wow! that takes us back a few years (decades?)

What always puzzles me, in that movie, is how on earth did the German officers get to laugh at them! After all, they don't really translate well do they?
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kylecycler
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kylecycler » 7 Jan 2019, 6:12pm

661-Pete wrote:
brynpoeth wrote:-My sister is on holiday in the Caribbean

-Jamaica? [Did you make her]

-No she went of her own Accord!
Wow! that takes us back a few years (decades?)

What always puzzles me, in that movie, is how on earth did the German officers get to laugh at them! After all, they don't really translate well do they?

Well done, Pete - I thought it was The Wooden Horse! :lol:

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fossala
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fossala » 7 Jan 2019, 6:16pm

Pastychomper wrote:A "fundamental concept of humor (known by every stand-up comedian in the world) is that a joke is usually a comment about someone else, and often not a very nice comment", says Maddog Hall. Btw I found that a fairly amusing article with some nice old Unix jokes.

A wife sends her programmer husband to the store.
She says, "Buy a pint of milk. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
When the husband returns, he's carrying twelve pints of milk?
"Why did you buy twelve pints of milk" asks the wife.
"Because they had eggs" says the husband.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 7 Jan 2019, 8:38pm

Reminds me of this one:
Mary Poppins was travelling home but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly madam", he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" enquired Mary.

"Sorry, no", came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?"

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please", she said.

"Certainly madam", he replied.

"And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely.

The receptionist nodded and smiled.

"In that case, I would love a couple of eggs please...poached", she mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.

The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk.

"Good morning madam, sleep well?"

"Yes thank you", Mary replied.

"Food to your liking?"

"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs though, they really weren't that nice at all", Mary replied truthfully.

"Oh, well perhaps you could care to contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion", said the receptionist.

"Okay, I will, thanks!" replied Mary.

She then checked out, paused a while, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written. On the page was written:

"Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious"
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 8 Jan 2019, 4:43pm

what is the difference between a Brexit-eer and a Remainer?
one is a bigot but the other one is a bigot

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 8 Jan 2019, 4:45pm

mercalia wrote:what is the difference between a Brexit-eer and a Remainer?
one is a bigot but the other one is a bigot

I am a don't know, cannae exert any influence (who can?), so I am neither :wink:
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 8 Jan 2019, 5:42pm

question: what is the main plus feature of Windows 8.1?
answer : it isnt Windows 10.

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 8 Jan 2019, 7:07pm

Using a computer is like travelling in a submarine
The trouble starts as soon as one opens the windows
..
Glad to report that I have no idea of the differences between windows versions :wink:
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