Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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peetee
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 8 Jan 2019, 7:13pm

brynpoeth wrote:Using a computer is like travelling in a submarine
The trouble starts as soon as one opens the windows
..
Glad to report that I have no idea of the differences between windows versions :wink:


No difference between the relative troubles they generate. It doesn't seem to matter which version you have, they accumulate junk to fill the available space and run just as slow as they ever did. :roll:
Current status report:
Latter side of fifty and feeling less than nifty.
Too many bikes on pegs and too few miles in the legs.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 8 Jan 2019, 9:38pm

mercalia wrote:








Your best yet.... :twisted:
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

mercalia
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Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 9 Jan 2019, 12:20am

661-Pete wrote:
mercalia wrote:








Your best yet.... :twisted:


There was a cyclist called Pete
Who looked for faults all the week
One day he looked in the mirror,
stepped back in absolute horror
gasped,
OMG! what a <beep,beep,beep>

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 9 Jan 2019, 8:46am

mercalia wrote:There was a cyclist called Pete
Who looked for faults all the week
One day he looked in the mirror,
stepped back in absolute horror
gasped,
OMG! what a <beep,beep,beep>

Nice try. I'll have to think about a response. :wink:
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

mercalia
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Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 9 Jan 2019, 6:03pm

How many Chatbots are there in the Commons?
None, as Chatbots have A.I

How many Chatbots are there in the Lords?
None, Chatbots dont need to sleep


What do Chatbots and Mrs May have in common?
They both go on, and on, and on, and on.

What is the difference between Mrs May and a chatbot?
You can pull the plug on a chatbot

What did the May-Bot say to the Corbyn-Bot?
"My deal or no deal"
And what did the Corbyn-Bot reply to the May-Bot?
"Yes my way or No-Way!"
Last edited by mercalia on 9 Jan 2019, 7:21pm, edited 9 times in total.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 9 Jan 2019, 6:36pm

Don't know why, but this clip keeps coming to mind...
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

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NATURAL ANKLING
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Location: English Riviera

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby NATURAL ANKLING » 9 Jan 2019, 7:44pm

Hi,
mercalia wrote:
661-Pete wrote:
mercalia wrote:








Your best yet.... :twisted:


There was a cyclist called Pete
Who looked for faults all the week
One day he looked in the mirror,
stepped back in absolute horror
gasped,
OMG! what a <beep,beep,beep>

Thats hurts...............I nearly *&*^%$ myself :lol: :lol: :lol:
Priority Is Still 500K In 24..Just Dreaming...Stay Focused Guys And Keep Sharp...
You'll Find Me At The Top Of a Hill...............Somewhere...After Dark..

Dafydd17
Posts: 79
Joined: 14 Dec 2013, 3:56pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Dafydd17 » 10 Jan 2019, 4:46pm

Ein Amerikaner belehrt einen Schweizer: "Wir schreiben 'New York' und sagen 'Nüiork'."

Meint der Schweizer: "Wir schreiben 'Wie bitte, was haben Sie gesagt?' und sagen 'Hä?'."

brynpoeth
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Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 10 Jan 2019, 7:56pm

Dafydd17 wrote:Ein Amerikaner belehrt einen Schweizer: "Wir schreiben 'New York' und sagen 'Nüiork'."

Meint der Schweizer: "Wir schreiben 'Wie bitte, was haben Sie gesagt?' und sagen 'Hä?'."

Bitte um Uebersetzung ins Englische :wink:
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love the three Es: enforcement, enforcement & enforcement

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 10 Jan 2019, 8:30pm

brynpoeth wrote:
Dafydd17 wrote:Ein Amerikaner belehrt einen Schweizer: "Wir schreiben 'New York' und sagen 'Nüiork'."

Meint der Schweizer: "Wir schreiben 'Wie bitte, was haben Sie gesagt?' und sagen 'Hä?'."

Bitte um Uebersetzung ins Englische :wink:

"Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 15 Jan 2019, 12:25pm

A very old one this - inspired perhaps by today's Grauniad crossword:
Jack, eating rotten cheese, did say,
"Like Samson, I my thousand slay",
"I vow," quoth Roger, "so you do,
And with the self-same weapon too!"
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 16 Jan 2019, 4:41pm

A drunk staggered down the main street of the town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to a church and into the entrance, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.

A priest had observed all this, and figured the fellow needed some help, so he entered his side of the confessional. After the priest sat there in deathly silence, he finally asked, "May I help you, my son?"

"I dunno," came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any paper on your side?"

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 16 Jan 2019, 4:55pm

The swimming instructor called little Johnny's mother and said, "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask you to take your son out of the class. We can't have children peeing in the swimming pool".
"But all the kids urinate in the pool. You can't stop it happening."
"Yes ... but not from the high diving board."
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 24 Jan 2019, 8:14pm

'We learnt about brains at school today, only a third of the brain is used!' exclaimed little Amanda

'What is the other third there for?' asked her father
Last edited by brynpoeth on 25 Jan 2019, 5:30am, edited 1 time in total.
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love the three Es: enforcement, enforcement & enforcement

brynpoeth
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Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 25 Jan 2019, 5:22am

Dutch/Belgian joke

Copper wire was devised by a Dutchperson and a Belgianperson quarrelling over a centime
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love the three Es: enforcement, enforcement & enforcement