Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 11 Feb 2019, 11:00am

brynpoeth wrote:Uncle Ebenezer took little Percival fishing but they only caught one stickleback
"No wonder the fish are not biting, the worms taste perfectly disgusting!" exclaimed the lad to his mum when they got home

Next day, Uncle Ebenezer took little Percival for a boat trip across the lake.

When he got home, his mummy asked him, "How was your day, Percival?"

"Oh, it was just fine, we had a lovely time," answered Percival. "Do you know, Uncle Ebenezer took me right out to the middle of the lake and let me swim back."

"Really?"

"Yes. Only trouble I had was getting out of the bag..."
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

PDQ Mobile
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby PDQ Mobile » 11 Feb 2019, 1:03pm

Many years ago a little Irish farmer won the football pools and decided to see the sights of London.
In Holyhead he found himself in a train compartment alone with a bowler hatted Englishman.
The Irishman explained how he had never left Ireland before and what had happened to him.
The Englishman said (in suitable posh accent), "Well my good man, to while away these interminable train journeys, I like to play a simple little game. It goes like this; you ask me a question and if I can't answer it I give you a pound.
And then I ask you a question and if you can't answer it, you give me a pound, and so on"

The Irishman thought about this and said, "It sounds quite fun but I am but a simple farmer, with little experience of the world, and you are obviously an educated and well travelled man.
Do you not think it would be fairer if I couldn't answer your question that I should only have to give you half?"

The Englishman considered this for a moment and said, " Yes I can see that, I did go to Eton and Oxford, it sounds fair enough to me".

"Right" said the little Farmer "I'll kick off with one"
"What has has seventy five legs on the underside and ninety five legs on the overside?"

The Englishman was nonplussed, and the stations passed by, Crewe, Birmingham, he racked his brains and started to lightly perspire!
As they drew quite near to London he pulled out his wallet and gave the a pound to the Irishman said,"Well my good man, you really have me there, here's a pound.
Now tell me the answer?"

The Irishman looked at him with a twinkle, took the pound and said "Well I don't know either, Sir"


And gave him fifty pence!

brynpoeth
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Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 12 Feb 2019, 5:47am

661-Pete wrote:
brynpoeth wrote:Uncle Ebenezer took little Percival fishing but they only caught one stickleback
"No wonder the fish are not biting, the worms taste perfectly disgusting!" exclaimed the lad to his mum when they got home

Next day, Uncle Ebenezer took little Percival for a boat trip across the lake.

When he got home, his mummy asked him, "How was your day, Percival?"

"Oh, it was just fine, we had a lovely time," answered Percival. "Do you know, Uncle Ebenezer took me right out to the middle of the lake and let me swim back."

"Really?"

"Yes. Only trouble I had was getting out of the bag..."

Percy went cross-country on the way home, he came to a big river. He shouted and shouted until he felt a little horse. He jumped on Shergars back and rode across
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras & STOP signs

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 12 Feb 2019, 11:34am

The following day:

Little Percival comes running up to his Uncle in a panic.
"Uncle Ebenezer! Uncle Ebenezer! Little Shirley ate a poisonous mushroom!"
"Don't bother me right now, Percival, I'm busy".

A little later, Percival comes running up again.
"Uncle Ebenezer! Now Shirley's fallen into the river. She's drowning!"
"The mushroom would have killed her anyway."
Pete

Et qui rit des curés d'Oc?/De Meuse raines, houp! de cloques./De quelles loques ce turque coin./Et ne d'anes ni rennes,/Ecuries des curés d'Oc. - Louis d'Antin

brynpoeth
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Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 12 Feb 2019, 6:55pm

Mushrooms are springing out of the ground like mushrooms springing out of the ground

She went a bit crazy after eating the mushroom, sprang out of the water and bit Uncle Ebenezer in the bottom, he uttered a profanity and expired, 99 years old

The next week the little angels got a letter from Grabbit and Runn, solicitors, about Ebenezers last will and testament..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras & STOP signs

loch eck steve
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Location: Argyll

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby loch eck steve » 14 Feb 2019, 2:29pm

Booked a table for the wife and I tonight with it been valentines day .Wife 's not pleased though ......she hates snooker !

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Spinners
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Location: Port Talbot

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 18 Feb 2019, 9:45am

I went to the snooker club in Swansea yesterday and got a 147.

It's the only bus that passes there.
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Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 19 Feb 2019, 2:43am

I have a Slovak friend who’s a sound technician.

And a Czech one too. A Czech one too.