Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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NATURAL ANKLING
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby NATURAL ANKLING » 17 Jun 2019, 7:40pm

Hi,
My old dad used to say look a Rolls Canardly........... :? Rolls down the hill and canardly get up the other side :mrgreen:
If You Don't Try You Don't Do.....Don't Do You Don't Get...I'm Still Trying....Well Very..
You'll Find Me At The Top Of A Hill...............Somewhere...After Dark..

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 19 Jun 2019, 12:27pm

brynpoeth wrote:'I am not small, my pet reptile' Tiny' is much smaller than me' bleated Cyril
'Tiny?'
'Yes, he is my newt!'
That would have worked better if you'd said "amphibian" :wink:
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 19 Jun 2019, 12:33pm

NATURAL ANKLING wrote:Hi,
My old dad used to say look a Rolls Canardly........... :? Rolls down the hill and canardly get up the other side :mrgreen:
Looks like we're getting into the multitude of 'car makes' jokes:

Fast Only Rolling Downhill
The One You Ought To Avoid
Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

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jezer
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jezer » 19 Jun 2019, 2:42pm

I’m really pleased with my new bike mirror. Since fitting it I haven’t looked back :lol:
Power to the pedals

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 25 Jun 2019, 7:02pm

Huge Bear Surprises Crew on EcoBubble Photo Shoot in BC.gif
Huge Bear Surprises Crew on EcoBubble Photo Shoot in BC.gif (2.65 MiB) Viewed 1402 times

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 27 Jun 2019, 7:15pm

That is terrifying, could not bear to watch to the end, never seen such a big creature :wink:
..
Graffiti in the toilets at the Kings Head in Knighton:

'Pee hard lads, it's a long way to the Red Bull!'
..
Not sure whether either etablissement is run by weatherspoons
Last edited by brynpoeth on 27 Jun 2019, 7:23pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 27 Jun 2019, 7:21pm

Went to an Orchestra-mob, 400 musicians played 'We hate Sheffield Wednesday' by Sir Edward Elgar
399 actually to start, Amanda (one of the 44 second violins) arrived at few minutes late

'You are obliged to stand a round', quipp€d the conductor
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 27 Jun 2019, 7:27pm

Cottonworths, a cheap department store, had a lot of trouble with wastage, shoplifting, people nicked stuff and scarpered pdq

'How should I record the losses in the accouhts, manager?' bleated the bookkeeper
'Running costs, I guess', answered that worthy
Last edited by brynpoeth on 30 Jun 2019, 8:52am, edited 1 time in total.
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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 28 Jun 2019, 1:58pm

brynpoeth wrote:
Graffiti in the toilets at the Kings Head in Knighton:

'Pee hard lads, it's a long way to the Red Bull!'
..
Not sure whether either etablissement is run by weatherspoons


Edinburgh University Union bog had "Flush twice, it's a long way to the kitchens".

The haggis was always excellent, though.
Have we got time for another cuppa?

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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Jul 2019, 11:56am

Got talking to another passenger while waiting for my plane to Rio
'I understand the planes are very clean, one could eat one's meal off the floor', I said
'Indeed', she bleated, 'one often trips over discarded chicken drumsticks and lumps of cold rice'
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Jul 2019, 8:03pm

661-Pete wrote:I wish I could truthfully say that my former dentist was named Dr Paine.

Not quite - sadly - but close :shock: .

Is his first name Dennis? That is a common name for tooth-doctors
A medical person practising near me is named Doctor Student :wink:
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 11 Jul 2019, 6:13pm

NATURAL ANKLING wrote:Hi,
How can you tell someone's a Vegan?

They'll Tell You!

How can one tell someone is a cyclist? She tells one!
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mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 14 Jul 2019, 9:15am

very apt for the title of this thread?

Belle Delphine, the social media star and so-called “gamer girl”, made headlines this week for selling her used bath water online

well she was presumably clean after it?

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/ ... GTUK_email

Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 14 Jul 2019, 9:23am

Graffito on a urinal in Powys,

"Do your best, England needs Welsh water."

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 14 Jul 2019, 3:54pm

A catholic priest asked a colleague: 'do you think we shall live to see the end of celibacy for priests?'
- "No, but I think it may be ended in our children's lifetime"
..
Two five-year old girls were discussing the news
"I hear the pope wants to fight against the sale of contraceptive pills!"
"Who is the pope?"
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Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we love life