Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 28 Jul 2019, 7:32pm

Cyril was late for school. Again. The history teacher called his mother
'Sorry, indeed', she bleated, 'he just lost the second world war, he has gone to buy an exercise book so he can start a new one again'
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Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 28 Jul 2019, 7:34pm

Johnny was late for school again.
"My father got burnt, Miss."
"Oh dear, not badly I hope."
"They don't mess about at the crematorium, Miss."

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 28 Jul 2019, 7:36pm

'Dear teacher, Bryn has such a bad throat, he can hardly speak Welsh. Please to excuse him from the French lesson'
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 28 Jul 2019, 7:38pm

Uncle Ebenezer was called up for military service
An un-fortunate brain injury enabled him to go home and take up politricks
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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 28 Jul 2019, 8:25pm

Mike Sales wrote:Johnny was late for school again.
"My father got burnt, Miss."
"Oh dear, not badly I hope."
"They don't mess about at the crematorium, Miss."

Next day, Tommy was late for school.
"My father fell off a scaffold this morning."
"Oh dear! What a nasty accident! Did he get badly hurt? And what was he doing up there?"
"Getting hanged."
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 28 Jul 2019, 8:45pm

661-Pete wrote:
Mike Sales wrote:Johnny was late for school again.
"My father got burnt, Miss."
"Oh dear, not badly I hope."
"They don't mess about at the crematorium, Miss."

Next day, Tommy was late for school.
"My father fell off a scaffold this morning."
"Oh dear! What a nasty accident! Did he get badly hurt? And what was he doing up there?"
"Getting hanged."

That would have been treated as a signal from the Lord that he should be spared, +1!
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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 29 Jul 2019, 3:41pm

If he hadn't had that rope round his neck he might have got his leg broken.
Have we got time for another cuppa?

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 30 Jul 2019, 1:27am

If you Google; “Lost medieval servant boy”

It says; “This Page cannot be found”

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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 30 Jul 2019, 9:42am

:roll:
Quite apt Deb, as this was your post number 404. :)

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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 30 Jul 2019, 10:34am

fausto copy wrote::roll:
Quite apt Deb, as this was your post number 404. :)


Well spotted Sir!!
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 30 Jul 2019, 5:46pm

What might one call a driver who went a bit too far off the road in the cotswolds?
..
Motron in the Marsh! :wink:
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 2 Aug 2019, 7:17pm

Uncle Ebenezer took the lads to see an opera
'Why is the conductor threatening the musicians with a stick?', asked Bryn
'No, he is directing them and setting the rhythm' whispered Ebenezer, 'look, the soprano is about to start singing!'
'But why is that lady screeching so, is she in pain?', bleated Cyril a few moments later
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 4 Aug 2019, 9:07am

At the LBS
Me: 'I should like a bell for my bike'
The shopkeeper looked at my bike for a moment
'That would be a fair swop', she bleated
Last edited by brynpoeth on 5 Aug 2019, 6:21pm, edited 1 time in total.
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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 4 Aug 2019, 10:24am

brynpoeth wrote:'No, he is directing them and setting the rhythm' whispered Ebenezer, 'look, the soprano is about to start singing!'
'But why is that lady screeching so, is she in pain?', bleated Cyril a few moments later

Oh dear you've set me off now! Sorry I can't help but post this: :lol:
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 9 Aug 2019, 11:01am

How many grammar Nazi's does it take to change a light bulb?

Too.