Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Use this board for general non-cycling-related chat, or to introduce yourself to the forum.
Cyril Haearn
Posts: 13539
Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am
Location: Between the woods and the water

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 24 Aug 2019, 4:18pm

The lads cycled to Bryn Hall YH, near Bangor. They were assigned to spud bashing
The warder cast a stern eye over their work
'No you have not done, now you may peel the peelings', she bleated :?
Entertainer, intellectual, idealist, PoB
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies

kwackers
Posts: 14592
Joined: 4 Jun 2008, 9:29pm
Location: Warrington

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 24 Aug 2019, 9:15pm

Cyril Haearn wrote:The lads cycled to Bryn Hall YH, near Bangor. They were assigned to spud bashing
The warder cast a stern eye over their work
'No you have not done, now you may peel the peelings', she bleated :?

I don't get it.

They're in Wales and she's bleating - is she a sheep?

Bonefishblues
Posts: 8003
Joined: 7 Jul 2014, 9:45pm
Location: Near Bicester Oxon

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Bonefishblues » 24 Aug 2019, 9:32pm

Mick F wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:How does he smell?
Awful ............... like Hitler!

Cyril Haearn wrote:I know Sailor smells good, any more photos? Has he stopped growing?
No, not stopped yet. 14odd Kg now, 22inches tall at the shoulders.

Wilful, energetic, hard work but fun. :D
Sailor Chair.jpg

And we all love you for it Mick :D

Cyril Haearn
Posts: 13539
Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am
Location: Between the woods and the water

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 25 Aug 2019, 2:01pm

Cyril got a summer job at Doggerland Lejostics
There was not much to do so he always took something to read
One day the boss was disgruntled to catch him reading Cycling Weakly
'Why are you reading a comic at work?', she growled
'Sorry', bleated Cyril, 'today is Friday, it was not worth starting a book :?
Last edited by Cyril Haearn on 3 Oct 2019, 4:46pm, edited 1 time in total.
Entertainer, intellectual, idealist, PoB
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies

Cyril Haearn
Posts: 13539
Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am
Location: Between the woods and the water

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 25 Aug 2019, 2:04pm

kwackers wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:The lads cycled to Bryn Hall YH, near Bangor. They were assigned to spud bashing
The warder cast a stern eye over their work
'No you have not done, now you may peel the peelings', she bleated :?

I don't get it.

They're in Wales and she's bleating - is she a sheep?

No, she was a warder, a very powerful person who kept my membership card because she didnae like the colour of my eyes
Entertainer, intellectual, idealist, PoB
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies

Cyril Haearn
Posts: 13539
Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am
Location: Between the woods and the water

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 25 Aug 2019, 7:09pm

Tried to teach my dog to dance, without success
Not surprising, she has two left feet
..
What should one do when one sees a Tyrannosaurus Rex?
Pray it doesnae see or smell one
Entertainer, intellectual, idealist, PoB
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies

Mike_Ayling
Posts: 212
Joined: 25 Sep 2017, 3:02am
Location: Melbourne Australia

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike_Ayling » 26 Aug 2019, 12:40am

Cyril Haearn wrote:
kwackers wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:The lads cycled to Bryn Hall YH, near Bangor. They were assigned to spud bashing
The warder cast a stern eye over their work
'No you have not done, now you may peel the peelings', she bleated :?

I don't get it.

They're in Wales and she's bleating - is she a sheep?

No, she was a warder, a very powerful person who kept my membership card because she didnae like the colour of my eyes


I hostelled on weekends (including bank holidays see other post) with West London local group and we encountered some really tough wardens/warders.
We used to speculate that one or two might have learned their trade in WW2 concentration camps!

Mike

User avatar
Spinners
Posts: 1677
Joined: 6 Dec 2008, 6:58pm
Location: Port Talbot

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 26 Aug 2019, 9:22am

My father has encouraged me to register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart.
Cycling UK Life Member
PBP Ancien (2007)

User avatar
Audax67
Posts: 4746
Joined: 25 Aug 2011, 9:02am
Location: Alsace, France
Contact:

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 26 Aug 2019, 11:20am

Mike_Ayling wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:
kwackers wrote:I don't get it.

They're in Wales and she's bleating - is she a sheep?

No, she was a warder, a very powerful person who kept my membership card because she didnae like the colour of my eyes


I hostelled on weekends (including bank holidays see other post) with West London local group and we encountered some really tough wardens/warders.
We used to speculate that one or two might have learned their trade in WW2 concentration camps!

Mike


Up in the Vosges around 100k away from here is a WW2 concentration camp called the Struthof. One of them has gone now, but couple of hundred metres down the road from the main gate there used to be a couple of signs, one reading Chambre à gaz and the other Terrace/Plat de jour. Someone built a restaurant right next door.

https://www.google.com/maps/search/stru ... a=!3m1!1e3

Not a joke, that.
Have we got time for another cuppa?

User avatar
661-Pete
Posts: 9802
Joined: 22 Nov 2012, 8:45pm
Location: Sussex

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 26 Aug 2019, 12:06pm

Also not a joke:

Audax67 wrote:Up in the Vosges around 100k away from here is a WW2 concentration camp called the Struthof. One of them has gone now, but couple of hundred metres down the road from the main gate there used to be a couple of signs, one reading Chambre à gaz and the other Terrace/Plat de jour. Someone built a restaurant right next door.
For many years I have had on my conscience a nagging urge to visit Auschwitz-Birkenau - where it is thought my grandmother perished. But I've put all plans for a visit on hold, not being too keen on the current rather unpleasant regime in Poland. Perhaps one day, before I die... :?
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

Cyril Haearn
Posts: 13539
Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am
Location: Between the woods and the water

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 26 Aug 2019, 5:42pm

I did visit Bergen-Belsen, not much to see as I remember
..
Trying to Fight Thread Drift:
The Schwaben in south-west Germany work hard and are careful with money
They do make jokes about themselves, but are careful not to use up too many of them :wink:
Entertainer, intellectual, idealist, PoB
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies

Debs
Posts: 753
Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 27 Aug 2019, 3:24pm

A widow is mourning her husband who couldn’t be saved because no one knew his blood type.

She is lamenting how his last words to her were were so touching, and when asked to repeat them she answers: “Be positive”.

mattheus
Posts: 1542
Joined: 29 Dec 2008, 12:57pm
Location: Western Europe

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mattheus » 27 Aug 2019, 3:35pm

Debs wrote:A widow is mourning her husband who couldn’t be saved because no one knew his blood type.

She is lamenting how his last words to her were were so touching, and when asked to repeat them she answers: “Be positive”.


:D

User avatar
Mick F
Spambuster
Posts: 49207
Joined: 7 Jan 2007, 11:24am
Location: Tamar Valley, Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 29 Aug 2019, 11:54am

What do you give an elephant for diarrhoea?
Mick F. Cornwall

PDQ Mobile
Posts: 3525
Joined: 2 Aug 2015, 4:40pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby PDQ Mobile » 29 Aug 2019, 11:59am

An oil tanker?