Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 29 Aug 2019, 12:30pm

Mick F wrote:What do you give an elephant for diarrhoea?


A wide berth?

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 29 Aug 2019, 1:01pm

An invitation to an episode of Blue Peter?

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 29 Aug 2019, 1:15pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

The answer is (usually) plenty room!
Mick F. Cornwall

iandriver
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby iandriver » 30 Aug 2019, 7:21pm

I'm off the France tomorrow for the annual flicking a ruler on the edge of a desk contest.

It's held annually in the dor doing.
Supporter of the A10 corridor cycling campaign serving Royston to Cambridge http://a10corridorcycle.com. Never knew gardening secateurs were an essential part of the on bike tool kit until I took up campaigning.....

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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 30 Aug 2019, 9:40pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 31 Aug 2019, 9:53am

+1 :lol: :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 31 Aug 2019, 10:58am

.......... and I'm still giggling about it. Hour later! :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall

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Cugel
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cugel » 31 Aug 2019, 12:04pm

Mick F wrote:What do you give an elephant for diarrhoea?


A walk about the allotment then some more of those laxative buns. Better than a muck spreader!

Cugel

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 6 Sep 2019, 5:02am

- Dear wife, what do you like best about me? My muscular body? My deep intellect?
..
- Your wacky humour, I think!, she bleated :wink:
Entertainer, juvenile, curmudgeon
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Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 11 Sep 2019, 8:54pm

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman wanted to leave, so they all had to leave.

philvantwo
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby philvantwo » 12 Sep 2019, 2:21pm

A bar? Was Mick F in there with his hound?
:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Mike_Ayling
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike_Ayling » 12 Sep 2019, 11:34pm

This notice can now be found in many French churches:

En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l'appel de Dieu. Par contre, il n’est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone.
Merci d'avoir éteint votre téléphone.

Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et parle lui. Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS enconduisant.

Translation

It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God.
On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone.
Thank you for turning off your phone.

If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and talk to him. If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 14 Sep 2019, 1:54pm

Absolutely true, this one: a solid gold toilet has been stolen at Blenheim Palace:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-o ... e-49700620
Police are investigating at the scene but have nothing to go on..... (*groan*)
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 15 Sep 2019, 12:54pm

Making a toilet out of solid gold, that really takes the pee!

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 15 Sep 2019, 7:47pm

Debs wrote:Making a toilet out of solid gold, that really takes the pee!

I know, it's so crass.

I had my gold loos inlaid with silver and precious stones, they look much more sophisticated.