Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 4 Aug 2018, 9:08pm

There are lots of unclean jokes here but none are nasty, racist etc
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 4 Aug 2018, 9:19pm

I was driving my old volkswagen beetle when it broke down. Opened the bonnet, saw that the engine had fallen out

Soon a kindly old lady in another beetle stopped to help. I explained what had happened
- No problem, I have a spare engine in the boot!, she said

THAT is a clean joke :)

Might be best not to ask at a vw dealer, the lad at the counter asserted the beetle was first made in 1998 %#)
Last edited by brynpoeth on 5 Aug 2018, 8:08pm, edited 2 times in total.
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philvantwo
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby philvantwo » 5 Aug 2018, 5:35pm

I had a taxi home last night, the driver pulled up outside our house and said 'that'll be £11 please'
I said 'I've only got a tenner, can you reverse a bit please?' :lol: :lol: :lol:
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gaz
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby gaz » 5 Aug 2018, 6:41pm

Batman is taking a shower in the Bat Hroom.

"Robin, pass me the Bat Scrub." Robin gives Batman the Bat Scrub.

"Robin, pass me the Bat Soap." Robin gives Batman the Bat Soap.

"Robin, pass me the Bat Shampoo". Robin gives Batman the Bat Shampoo.

"Robin, pass me ..."

Robin interrupts. "I've had enough of this. Bat Scrub, Bat Soap, Bat Shampoo. You even call it the Bat Hroom. Why does everything have to be Bat?"

"You're being ridiculous Robin, it's not Bat Everything. Now pass me that bottle of Conditioner Gordon."

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 5 Aug 2018, 7:39pm

philvantwo wrote:I had a taxi home last night, the driver pulled up outside our house and said 'that'll be £11 please'
I said 'I've only got a tenner, can you reverse a bit please?' :lol: :lol: :lol:

-Mum, may I have a quid for a bus ticket into town?

-Sorry love, I only have a fiver

-No problem, I shall get a taxi
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 5 Aug 2018, 7:41pm

Grandad: now we must put the climbing frame away for the winter

Grandchild: NO, we must put you away for the winter!
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brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 5 Aug 2018, 8:06pm

I want more cycling jokes and puns please :wink:
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geocycle
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby geocycle » 5 Aug 2018, 8:47pm

I was out riding today when I saw a chap throwing blue bottles over a wall. I asked what he was doing....





Fly tipping!

philvantwo
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby philvantwo » 5 Aug 2018, 9:07pm

The Mrs has got her sexy underwear on today, this can only mean one thing...............

She's behind with the washing! :lol: :lol:
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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 6 Aug 2018, 7:45am

Sadly, the inventor of predictive text has passed away.

His funfair will be a weed on monkey.
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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 6 Aug 2018, 10:27am

Not a joke, but a true story:

Emilien Amaury, the press baron, sometime Minister for Colonies, Pétainiste chief of propaganda, founder of l'Equipe newspaper and original owner of the Tour de France, died in 1977 after being thrown by his horse. One of his favourite sayings was "News need not be exact but it must be shocking".

Charlie Hébdo's headline: "A swine is dead".

Libération's: "The horse is OK".
Have we got time for another cuppa?

brynpoeth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brynpoeth » 7 Aug 2018, 7:03pm

This joke is clean, right?

Alaska is much too big, there are plans to split it into two States, East and West

Texas protested strongly because this would make the lonestar state only the third biggest in the Union
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Vorpal
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Vorpal » 7 Aug 2018, 8:16pm

brynpoeth wrote:I want more cycling jokes and puns please :wink:

Careful, you might get limericks.
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Vitara
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Vitara » 7 Aug 2018, 9:48pm

I've joined the Chinese Whispers Club

The first rule is that you don't talk about Chinese Whisper Club

The second rule is that chew drink & walk around Viennese sisters pub

Grarea
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Grarea » 7 Aug 2018, 10:17pm

Vitara wrote:I've joined the Chinese Whispers Club

The first rule is that you don't talk about Chinese Whisper Club

The second rule is that chew drink & walk around Viennese sisters pub

:D
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