Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 13 Dec 2019, 1:38pm

Mick F wrote:So that's what Greta looks like.
I've heard her, read about her, and followed her story, but never seen what she looks like ........... not that I was interested what she looks like.

Still don't understand the joke though.


She has a Joan of Ark syndrome? That didnt go down well with the previous occupant?

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 13 Dec 2019, 1:49pm

A vampire on a road trip says to the driver
We should stop for fuel?
And I could do with a real meal

The driver raises an eyebrow
from some one else who stops for fuel

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 13 Dec 2019, 10:33pm

Thee man who wrote the Hokey Cokey died last week.

All was going well until they tried to get him into the coffin: They got the left leg in, the left leg out…

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 14 Dec 2019, 5:25pm

The cops warned about a cat burglar abroad in my leafy suburb
Fortunately I do not have a cat :wink:
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RickH
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby RickH » 17 Dec 2019, 9:58pm

I asked the hairdresser what sort of cut would improve my looks.

A power cut wasn't the answer I was expecting!

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 17 Dec 2019, 10:07pm

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees!

<>

What makes the loudest noise in the jungle?

Monkeys picking cherries!

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 20 Dec 2019, 7:02pm

On the plane to Scandinvia

Norwegianperson: 'how might one get a Swede to give up her window seat?'
'Tell her, only the aisle seats continue to Stockholm!'
..
As the plane flew over Doggerland the Swede countered: "we shall soon be landing at Oslo. Please to put back your watch by fifty years!'
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Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
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Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 21 Dec 2019, 9:08am

The lads went to a fancy restaurant to celebrate a birthday
'My plate is wet, but where is the food?', bleated Cyril
'The wetness is the soup!', whispered Bryn
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Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
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cycleruk
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby cycleruk » 21 Dec 2019, 3:26pm

For those of you who don't want Alexa listening in on your conversations.
They are now making a male version - it doesn't listen to anything. :roll: :wink:
Last edited by cycleruk on 22 Dec 2019, 11:03am, edited 1 time in total.
There's no such thing as a tailwind.
It's either a headwind, or you're going well.

Marcus Aurelius
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Marcus Aurelius » 21 Dec 2019, 4:12pm

The are 2 cats on a beach on the south English coast. One is English - it's called One Two Three. The other is French - it's called Un Deux Trois. They are having a argument over who is the better swimmer, and they decide to have a race across The Channel to France to find the answer. So on the count of 3, they are off. After much paddling, One Two Three reaches France. He looks around the beach, and can't see Un Deux Trois anywhere. He asks another cat he sees on the beach about Un Deux Trois and this cat turns to him, puts his little paw around One Two Three's shoulder and says, "Sorry mate, but Un Deux Trois cat sank.

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 22 Dec 2019, 9:29am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 29 Dec 2019, 10:10pm

Image

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 29 Dec 2019, 10:38pm

How many Daily Mail readers does it take to change a light bulb?


One, but another 350 readers will comment claiming they know better or blaming it on immigrants.

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 30 Dec 2019, 1:47am

My doctor just told me I am colour blind. It has hit me like a bolt out of the green.

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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 30 Dec 2019, 10:48am

cycleruk wrote:For those of you who don't want Alexa listening in on your conversations.
They are now making a male version - it doesn't listen to anything. :roll: :wink:


Whereas the female version chimes in the first time you draw breath and talks for five minutes about something else.

Oh dear, is this sexist?
Have we got time for another cuppa?