Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 30 Dec 2019, 11:03am

Audax67 wrote:
cycleruk wrote:For those of you who don't want Alexa listening in on your conversations.
They are now making a male version - it doesn't listen to anything. :roll: :wink:


Whereas the female version chimes in the first time you draw breath and talks for five minutes about something else.

Oh dear, is this sexist?

Nein es ist umgekehrt, no it is the other way round, look at how males on these fora engage in thread drift :wink:
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
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Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 30 Dec 2019, 8:14pm

What's black an white and eats like a horse?

Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 30 Dec 2019, 8:23pm

Cowsham wrote:What's black an white and eats like a horse?


expecting a QI klaxon...a zebra?

pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 30 Dec 2019, 8:29pm

Cowsham wrote:What's black an white and eats like a horse?


Simple - a black and white horse.

Image

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 30 Dec 2019, 8:44pm

Mike Sales wrote:
Cowsham wrote:What's black an white and eats like a horse?


expecting a QI klaxon...a zebra?


Correct !

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 30 Dec 2019, 8:55pm

pete75 wrote:
Cowsham wrote:What's black an white and eats like a horse?


Simple - a black and white horse.

Image


https://images.app.goo.gl/Vcu4TLKtFj1pNhrQ6

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RickH
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby RickH » 30 Dec 2019, 9:34pm

What is the commonest type of owl?









A teet owl!

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cycleruk
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby cycleruk » 31 Dec 2019, 8:18am

I went down to the local library and when I got there I noticed a large notice outside that said “health week”.
It said that to start the New Year off they were having a health week and that they would be selling vegetables.
Well, I thought that’s a turnip for the books isn’t it.
There's no such thing as a tailwind.
It's either a headwind, or you're going well.

pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 1 Jan 2020, 5:05pm

29062782_1033418023474727_4751327177725706240_n.jpg

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Spinners
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Spinners » 1 Jan 2020, 5:07pm

RickH wrote:What is the commonest type of owl?









A teet owl!


Love it!
Cycling UK Life Member
PBP Ancien (2007)

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 6 Jan 2020, 2:00pm

'Late for school again, lad!', barked the teacher
'Sorry, I was accosted by a thief, he did not take much, just my homework', bleated Cyril :?
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
We love safety cameras, we love life "1330"

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 6 Jan 2020, 8:06pm

Ricky Gervais socks it to HollyWood at the golden globes

‘If you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg. If you win, thank your agent, thank your god, and [rude word removed] off.’

https://blogs.spectator.co.uk/2020/01/ricky-gervais-has-given-hollywood-the-thrashing-it-richly-deserves/

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 6 Jan 2020, 8:22pm

pete75 wrote:29062782_1033418023474727_4751327177725706240_n.jpg
Excellent. Hope non-French speakers aren't too frustrated. "Je m'en fous" means "I don't give a ****"
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 6 Jan 2020, 8:47pm

661-Pete wrote:
pete75 wrote:29062782_1033418023474727_4751327177725706240_n.jpg
Excellent. Hope non-French speakers aren't too frustrated. "Je m'en fous" means "I don't give a ****"


seems like the rude word software not multi lingual? :lol:

Tinpotflowers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Tinpotflowers » 6 Jan 2020, 9:18pm

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