Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 16 Jan 2020, 12:08pm

661-Pete wrote:
kwackers wrote:Worse thing these days is most folk use their phones hands free so if you're not careful you can think they're talking to you - especially if they're unthinkingly staring in your general direction.
Or else:
Traveling down the interstate & needing to use the restroom, I stopped at a rest area. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them "No..I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously... "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions


Ah you have given me an idea how to deal with those noisey mobile users on the train :lol:

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 16 Jan 2020, 6:17pm

mercalia wrote:Ah you have given me an idea how to deal with those noisey mobile users on the train :lol:
I'm lucky. There are several tunnels on the local routes going out from my station. :twisted:
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
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Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 21 Jan 2020, 2:07pm

My husband has just thrown me out of the house on account of my speaking to him like a journalist all the time.

More on this developing news story after the break.

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 21 Jan 2020, 6:59pm

I am really excited, my late Uncle has left me a stately home in his will.

I have no idea where Sod Hall is but I don’t care, its exciting! :D

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 22 Jan 2020, 8:20am

Debs wrote:I am really excited, my late Uncle has left me a stately home in his will.

I have no idea where Sod Hall is but I don’t care, its exciting! :D

:lol:

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 22 Jan 2020, 9:06am

Debs wrote:I am really excited, my late Uncle has left me a stately home in his will.

I have no idea where Sod Hall is but I don’t care, its exciting! :D
Probably stands adjacent to Suite F Hall.
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 22 Jan 2020, 3:50pm


brownie17
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby brownie17 » 23 Jan 2020, 7:05am

I think that very funny, but if I told that to a particular type of person in central London they would call me sexist and Stereotyping and would submit a formal complaint.

reohn2
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby reohn2 » 23 Jan 2020, 8:52am


I think it's the country residence of Sir T Fide
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Pastychomper
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Pastychomper » 23 Jan 2020, 10:10am

reohn2 wrote:

I think it's the country residence of Sir T Fide


Sounds a bit posh to me. I'll count myself lucky if I get to stay here.
Everyone's ghast should get a good flabbering now and then.
--Ole Boot

merseymouth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby merseymouth » 23 Jan 2020, 11:48am

Hi all, How about the football scarf stall selling Manchester United scarves with a free matching "Black Armband"? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Everton also available! :oops: TTFN MM

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 25 Jan 2020, 2:43am

I have a lovely stepladder.

My real ladder left when I was a small child…

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 25 Jan 2020, 2:44am

I went on Dragons Den the other night and showed them my Dad’s old shotgun.

Peter Jones asked, “And what’s your idea”…?

I replied, “It’s a simple concept Peter, just put the money in the bag NOW”…

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 28 Jan 2020, 10:38am

This must be the Joke of the Day?
What world is he living in? I think he should do his job for free to allow the license to be free? Some thing tells me he wouldnt agree to that? What a plonker, the biggest plonker in the world :roll:


Gary Lineker says BBC should make licence fee voluntary. Highest-paid BBC presenter would raise cost for those who pay

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2020/jan/27/gary-lineker-says-bbc-should-make-licence-fee-voluntary?utm_term=RWRpdG9yaWFsX0d1YXJkaWFuVG9kYXlVS19XZWVrZGF5cy0yMDAxMjg%3D&utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&CMP=GTUK_email&utm_campaign=GuardianTodayUK

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cycleruk
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby cycleruk » 28 Jan 2020, 11:34am

Little boy tells his nursery teacher he found a dead cat.
"How did you know it was dead?" asks the teacher.
"Because I pissed in its ear & it didn't move" says the boy.
"You did what!?" shrieks the teacher.
"You know" explains the boy,
"I lent over and went Pssst and it didn't move!"'
There's no such thing as a tailwind.
It's either a headwind, or you're going well.