Cycling UK Forum

Why does a skoda have two exhaust pipes?
..
What does a smart person who buys a skoda instead of an identical v....n do with the money saved?

Deliah’s determination to follow social distancing rules made her unpopular with her friends.

I've uploaded the NHS Tracking App

It showed that I visited an Optician, a Chemist and then went to Greggs

Now the Government know all about my lifestyle:

Specs & Drugs & Sausage Rolls

Vitara wrote:I've uploaded the NHS Tracking App

It showed that I visited an Optician, a Chemist and then went to Greggs

Now the Government know all about my lifestyle:

Specs & Drugs & Sausage Rolls

Ha ha!
Serves you right for using it, you Blockhead.

Vitara wrote:I've uploaded the NHS Tracking App

It showed that I visited an Optician, a Chemist and then went to Greggs

Now the Government know all about my lifestyle:

Specs & Drugs & Sausage Rolls

Class

Vitara wrote:I've uploaded the NHS Tracking App

It showed that I visited an Optician, a Chemist and then went to Greggs

Now the Government know all about my lifestyle:

Specs & Drugs & Sausage Rolls

What's the warning tone for a nearby virus carrier, 'Oy-Oy !' ?

Ring tone? "Another one bites the dust" - Queen. MM

Well, I’m staying alert.

I spotted what looked like the virus under a park bench, so I immediately called the police, who quickly arrived on the scene and carried out a controlled explosion.

It turned out it was just a large, spiky red beach ball but you can’t be too careful.

Bomb squad teams were sent to hospitals and surgeries throughout the country after health professionals advised police to use masks and carry out controlled expulsions.

< Sensitivity Intervention - One "joke" removed >

( who says the Spectator doesnt have a sense of humour?)

My husband said i'm hopeless at DIY because i think gaffe tape is the answer to everything.

He's not saying so much now.

Bloke wearing a skin suit walks into a fancy dress party with a woman on his back.

"What are you, then?"

"I'm a tortoise."

"So who's that on your back?"

"Michelle."

I was relaxing in a deck chair
'Please to think about mowing the lawn', said SWMBO
'Slow down please, I am thinking about washing the car. I shall think about the lawn later', I bleated