Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 26 May 2020, 11:03am

Debs wrote:Government sponsored research has shown that birthdays are very good for your health.
Extensive studies, costing millions, have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.



You'd think so, but those who have had the most haven't got that long to live.
Have we got time for another cuppa?

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 26 May 2020, 12:09pm

Debs wrote:In 2015 everyone who went for a job interview and was asked...

‘Where do yo see yourself in five years?”

...got the answer wrong.


:lol:

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 26 May 2020, 10:48pm

Why do illegally parked vehicles have their windscreen wipers moving?
So a traffic warder has nowhere to fasten a ticket :?
Entertainer, kidult, curmudgeon
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 27 May 2020, 6:15am

Capture.JPG

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 29 May 2020, 11:53am

Capture.JPG

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al_yrpal
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby al_yrpal » 29 May 2020, 4:16pm

A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll it be?”
The rabbit says, “I dunno. I’m only here because of Autocorrect.

Al :D
Touring on a bicycle is a great way to explore and appreciate the countryside and towns you pass through. Make a difference...

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 29 May 2020, 7:29pm

:lol: :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall

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al_yrpal
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby al_yrpal » 29 May 2020, 8:32pm

Or, the pre technology version.....

A bishop, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The barman asks the rabbit, “what’ll it be"?
The rabbit says, ‘I dunno I think I’m a typo"

Al :D
Touring on a bicycle is a great way to explore and appreciate the countryside and towns you pass through. Make a difference...

peetee
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 29 May 2020, 10:42pm

Or

....walk into a blood donor clinic. The rabbit is asked what group he is and he replies.
“I think I’m a typo”
Current status report:
Back on two wheels in deepest Pastyland and loving every minute. Mission: to enjoy big, bad hills again.

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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 30 May 2020, 9:49am

Or...

"...and the circumcision was duly performed by the rabbit".

It's those big front teeth. :shock:
Have we got time for another cuppa?

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 30 May 2020, 4:19pm

Buggs bunny just doesnt understand why he is to be put down as he isnt rabid

Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 31 May 2020, 8:25am

We are going to have an applause session for all the delivery workers.
It will be sometime between 9am and 5pm.

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 31 May 2020, 9:49am

Mike Sales wrote:We are going to have an applause session for all the delivery workers.
It will be sometime between 9am and 5pm.

And they'll send you an email to let you know what time after they've had it.

(One of the pluses of lockdown, everyone now just dumps my parcels on my step - although in fairness they used to leave them in my shed apart from Royal Mail who seem to have a perverse liking for forcing you to go and queue at the sorting office for hours).

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 31 May 2020, 12:43pm

It’s been a funny old day for me so far.

First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar…

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 31 May 2020, 4:06pm

kwackers wrote:
Mike Sales wrote:We are going to have an applause session for all the delivery workers.
It will be sometime between 9am and 5pm.

And they'll send you an email to let you know what time after they've had it.

(One of the pluses of lockdown, everyone now just dumps my parcels on my step - although in fairness they used to leave them in my shed apart from Royal Mail who seem to have a perverse liking for forcing you to go and queue at the sorting office for hours).


Not a joke I bought an item from a UK seller in London, that was marked Royal Mail 24 and took a MONTH TO ARRIVE

I bought an item from China and if the tracking is to be believed Royal Mail held onto it for 2 WEEKS before delivering - longer than it took to get from China to pass through Heathrow customs