Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 31 May 2020, 8:57pm

I've had similar problems lately, posting items first class to my family in Cheshire, and taking over two weeks to arrive.

It's not particularly funny though, as I believe Royal Mail had to close the Warrington Depot down to due staff contracting Coronavirus.

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 1 Jun 2020, 1:22pm

for any one thinking of breaking the rules eg wild camping, going on a tour, I suggest you download and use this mask

Capture.JPG

then you will be alright

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/incoming/article22093343.ece/BINARY/Download%20your%20Dominic%20Cummings%20'do%20whatever%20the%20hell%20you%20want'%20mask%20here.pdf

edited added the .pdf extension to the url
Last edited by mercalia on 1 Jun 2020, 4:57pm, edited 2 times in total.

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RickH
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Location: Horwich, Lancs.

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby RickH » 1 Jun 2020, 4:19pm

mercalia wrote:for any one thinking of breaking the rules eg wild camping, going on a tour, I suggest you download and use this mask

Capture.JPG
then you will be alright

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/incoming/article22093343.ece/BINARY/Download%20your%20Dominic%20Cummings%20'do%20whatever%20the%20hell%20you%20want'%20mask%20here


My phone asks me if I want to open the downloaded file with Google Maps.

I didn't open it but presume the map would be centred on the Durham area!

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 1 Jun 2020, 4:36pm

its a pdf file

Capture.JPG
you are feeling sleepy.....
Last edited by mercalia on 1 Jun 2020, 4:58pm, edited 2 times in total.

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RickH
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby RickH » 1 Jun 2020, 4:41pm

It didn't put the PDF on the end of the file name like downloaded pdfs usually have. Once added it opened fine.

The daily star are probably poncy apple mac users & forgot that the extension is needed for the majority outside their little creative(?) bubble! :wink:

reohn2
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby reohn2 » 1 Jun 2020, 4:49pm

Dominic Cummings and a fart stuck in a lift,Cummings declares "good grief it stnks in here" the fart says "you think you've got problems"....
-----------------------------------------------------------
I cycle therefore I am.

Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 1 Jun 2020, 4:53pm

Randolph Churchill
He had a non-malignant tumour removed. Evelyn Waugh observed:
“It was a typical triumph of modern science to find the only part of Randolph that was not malignant - and remove it.”

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 1 Jun 2020, 4:54pm

RickH wrote:It didn't put the PDF on the end of the file name like downloaded pdfs usually have. Once added it opened fine.

The daily star are probably poncy apple mac users & forgot that the extension is needed for the majority outside their little creative(?) bubble! :wink:


ah opens ok in Mozilla on Windows. ANy way I have added the extension in the url above and still works.

surly a must have item in your saddle bag?

merseymouth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby merseymouth » 1 Jun 2020, 5:23pm

Hello Mike Sales, I think you'll find that it was Auberon Waugh that made that witticism? He was no nice person either! MM

Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 1 Jun 2020, 5:31pm

merseymouth wrote:Hello Mike Sales, I think you'll find that it was Auberon Waugh that made that witticism? He was no nice person either! MM


My source says Evelyn.
So do several others.

https://ricochet.com/555046/archives/quote-of-the-day-9-21-18-evelyn-waugh-on-randolph-churchill/
https://onlyfornow.tumblr.com/post/629449540/randolph-churchill
https://winstonchurchill.hillsdale.edu/randolph-churchill-appreciation-winstons-son/

This last one even specifies that he said it in White's Club.
To me it seems more plausible that Evelyn said it.

merseymouth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby merseymouth » 1 Jun 2020, 5:53pm

I take your quote. I don't think Auberon would suffer a "Foot in Mouth Moment", seeing as he actually shot himself in the foot with a Sten Gun :shock: , even got a War Pension for it? Daft sod. MM

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 1 Jun 2020, 7:21pm

mercalia wrote:
RickH wrote:It didn't put the PDF on the end of the file name like downloaded pdfs usually have. Once added it opened fine.

The daily star are probably poncy apple mac users & forgot that the extension is needed for the majority outside their little creative(?) bubble! :wink:


ah opens ok in Mozilla on Windows. ANy way I have added the extension in the url above and still works.

surly a must have item in your saddle bag?

Opens fine in my "poncy apple mac".

:lol: :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 1 Jun 2020, 7:52pm

Capture.JPG

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 3 Jun 2020, 11:09am

My Dad is in a home now.

Amazing isn’t it? - 89 years old and he’s still an active burglar.

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 3 Jun 2020, 11:39am

Debs wrote:My Dad is in a home now.

Amazing isn’t it? - 89 years old and he’s still an active burglar.


89 years old and soon he will be in a single room with single window