Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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mercalia
Posts: 13494
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 4 Jun 2020, 9:50am

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Cowsham
Posts: 450
Joined: 4 Nov 2019, 1:33pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 4 Jun 2020, 10:06am

mercalia wrote:its a pdf file

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Capture.JPG (23.07 KiB) Viewed 381 times

Are you feeling sleepy ?


No but it came in handy at Portrush strand last weekend.

kwackers
Posts: 14586
Joined: 4 Jun 2008, 9:29pm
Location: Warrington

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 7 Jun 2020, 11:54am

B&Q.jpg

Debs
Posts: 751
Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 7 Jun 2020, 12:30pm

I’ve been terribly depressed ever since I did that bungee jump, and the cord snapped.

It’s just something that you never bounce back from.

peetee
Posts: 2089
Joined: 4 May 2010, 10:20pm
Location: Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 7 Jun 2020, 4:19pm

Despite the prediction for unpleasant conditions on the roads I decided to go for a bike ride today. Imagine my shock as for mile after mile I was pelted with cheese squares, pineapple, quiche, pringles and cress sandwiches. I don’t know why I was surprised though. They did say I was in for a buffeting.
Current status report:
Back on two wheels in deepest Pastyland and loving every minute. Mission: to enjoy big, bad hills again.

Debs
Posts: 751
Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 10 Jun 2020, 1:02pm

The Daily mail has perforated pages now.

This is tearable news.

mercalia
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Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 10 Jun 2020, 7:32pm

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4 (white) horsemen of the apocalypse

Debs
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Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 11 Jun 2020, 11:49am

A team of men have pulled the statue of Edward Colston out of the harbour in Bristol.

They all got a big cheer and applause for being quay workers

mercalia
Posts: 13494
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 11 Jun 2020, 1:10pm

Debs wrote:A team of men have pulled the statue of Edward Colston out of the harbour in Bristol.

They all got a big cheer and applause for being quay workers


and they were fined for breaking the 2m rule

mercalia
Posts: 13494
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 11 Jun 2020, 5:28pm

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Debs
Posts: 751
Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 11 Jun 2020, 8:21pm

mercalia wrote:
Debs wrote:A team of men have pulled the statue of Edward Colston out of the harbour in Bristol.

They all got a big cheer and applause for being quay workers


and they were fined for breaking the 2m rule


no they weren't.

Oldjohnw
Posts: 4434
Joined: 16 Oct 2018, 4:23am
Location: Northumberland

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 12 Jun 2020, 8:12am

Following Mr Farage's hurried departure from LBC this delicious clip has resurfaced:


https://youtu.be/ZRc0by2vZ7k
John

Oldjohnw
Posts: 4434
Joined: 16 Oct 2018, 4:23am
Location: Northumberland

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 12 Jun 2020, 8:46am

DIY humour.

Just phoned B&Q to ask how big is the Q?

"Same size as the B".
John

kwackers
Posts: 14586
Joined: 4 Jun 2008, 9:29pm
Location: Warrington

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 12 Jun 2020, 9:46am

Oldjohnw wrote:DIY humour.

Just phoned B&Q to ask how big is the Q?

"Same size as the B".

Scroll up... ;)

Oldjohnw
Posts: 4434
Joined: 16 Oct 2018, 4:23am
Location: Northumberland

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 12 Jun 2020, 9:50am

kwackers wrote:
Oldjohnw wrote:DIY humour.

Just phoned B&Q to ask how big is the Q?

"Same size as the B".

Scroll up... ;)


The old ones are the best! I thought I was on to something!
John