Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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mercalia
Posts: 13494
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 12 Jun 2020, 10:04pm

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The Great Cultural Cleansing


When your grand-children ask you what you did during the Great #CulturalCleansing, you can proudly say that, armed with a rope and a placard, you pulled your weight.

https://life.spectator.co.uk/articles/a-handy-guide-to-statue-toppling/

tim-b
Posts: 1345
Joined: 10 Oct 2009, 8:20am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tim-b » 13 Jun 2020, 7:37am

Hi
Despite the prediction for unpleasant conditions on the roads I decided to go for a bike ride today. Imagine my shock as for mile after mile I was pelted with cheese squares...snip

How dairy!
Regards
tim-b
~~~~¯\(ツ)/¯~~~~

peetee
Posts: 2089
Joined: 4 May 2010, 10:20pm
Location: Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 13 Jun 2020, 8:46am

tim-b wrote:Hi
Despite the prediction for unpleasant conditions on the roads I decided to go for a bike ride today. Imagine my shock as for mile after mile I was pelted with cheese squares...snip

How dairy!
Regards
tim-b


That’s right, milk my joke for all it’s worth!
Current status report:
Back on two wheels in deepest Pastyland and loving every minute. Mission: to enjoy big, bad hills again.

tim-b
Posts: 1345
Joined: 10 Oct 2009, 8:20am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tim-b » 14 Jun 2020, 1:58pm

I went to the zoo and couldn't work out why there was a baguette in the middle of one enclosure
Eventually I asked a zoo keeper who told me that it was bread in captivity
~~~~¯\(ツ)/¯~~~~

tim-b
Posts: 1345
Joined: 10 Oct 2009, 8:20am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tim-b » 14 Jun 2020, 2:00pm

Somebody's been adding soil to my allotment...the plot thickens
~~~~¯\(ツ)/¯~~~~

tim-b
Posts: 1345
Joined: 10 Oct 2009, 8:20am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tim-b » 14 Jun 2020, 2:04pm

I finally found bags of white sugar in the shops but I can't find bags of brown sugar, apparently dem a rarer
~~~~¯\(ツ)/¯~~~~

mercalia
Posts: 13494
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 14 Jun 2020, 5:03pm

Well are you ready for Monday. No then order one of these in the next 30 minutes for prompt delivery by tomorrow?

Image

better than a face mask or covering?

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Orion-Costumes-Mens-Silver-Astronaut-Space-Suit-With-Helmet-Fancy-Dress-Costume/391373602809?

or if you dont want to attract too much attention and be interned, as an alien then this is what everyone will be wearing tomorrow going to the office
Image

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/METRO-2033-EXODUS-SUIT-TACTICAL-VEST-NBC-SUIT-GAS-MASK-FP5-FILTER-RIOT-HELMET/263483832769?

take no chances, you know it makes sense, but remember keep 2m away from others still ( though they will probably give you wide berth any way)

mercalia
Posts: 13494
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 17 Jun 2020, 7:06pm

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CyclingGuy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby CyclingGuy » 17 Jun 2020, 7:53pm

I've been keeping an eye on the news to see when BMW dealers will be open again.....

No indications so far
Read about my adventures on the British Cycle Quest at: http://www.quest.nwarwick.co.uk

Debs
Posts: 751
Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 19 Jun 2020, 9:51pm

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work ?

__

A can’t opener.

Debs
Posts: 751
Joined: 19 May 2017, 7:05pm
Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 21 Jun 2020, 1:42pm

To be, or not to be a horse rider.
That is equestrian

Cowsham
Posts: 450
Joined: 4 Nov 2019, 1:33pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 21 Jun 2020, 2:21pm

Debs wrote:To be, or not to be a horse rider.
That is equestrian


Like it.

mercalia
Posts: 13494
Joined: 22 Sep 2013, 10:03pm
Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 22 Jun 2020, 8:25pm

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fausto copy
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Joined: 14 Dec 2008, 6:51pm
Location: Pembrokeshire

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 23 Jun 2020, 1:15pm

My 4 year old grandson has been learning Spanish during the lockdown.
But he still can't say please; which I think is poor for four.

Cyril Haearn
Posts: 13455
Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am
Location: Between the woods and the water

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 23 Jun 2020, 3:21pm

How does one know someone is a vegan, vegetarian, evangelical christian, yorkshireperson (etc etc)?
..
She tells one at the first opportunity :wink:
Entertainer, kidult, curmudgeon
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies