Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[mercalia]

The Great Cultural Cleansing

When your grand-children ask you what you did during the Great #CulturalCleansing, you can proudly say that, armed with a rope and a placard, you pulled your weight.

https://life.spectator.co.uk/articles/a-handy-guide-to-statue-toppling/

[tim-b]

Hi

Despite the prediction for unpleasant conditions on the roads I decided to go for a bike ride today. Imagine my shock as for mile after mile I was pelted with cheese squares...snip

How dairy!
Regards
tim-b

[peetee]

Hi

Despite the prediction for unpleasant conditions on the roads I decided to go for a bike ride today. Imagine my shock as for mile after mile I was pelted with cheese squares...snip

How dairy!
Regards
tim-b

That’s right, milk my joke for all it’s worth!

[tim-b]

I went to the zoo and couldn't work out why there was a baguette in the middle of one enclosure
Eventually I asked a zoo keeper who told me that it was bread in captivity

[tim-b]

Somebody's been adding soil to my allotment...the plot thickens

[tim-b]

I finally found bags of white sugar in the shops but I can't find bags of brown sugar, apparently dem a rarer

[mercalia]

Well are you ready for Monday. No then order one of these in the next 30 minutes for prompt delivery by tomorrow?



better than a face mask or covering?

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Orion-Costumes-Mens-Silver-Astronaut-Space-Suit-With-Helmet-Fancy-Dress-Costume/391373602809?

or if you dont want to attract too much attention and be interned, as an alien then this is what everyone will be wearing tomorrow going to the office


https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/METRO-2033-EXODUS-SUIT-TACTICAL-VEST-NBC-SUIT-GAS-MASK-FP5-FILTER-RIOT-HELMET/263483832769?

take no chances, you know it makes sense, but remember keep 2m away from others still ( though they will probably give you wide berth any way)

[mercalia]

[CyclingGuy]

I've been keeping an eye on the news to see when BMW dealers will be open again.....

No indications so far

[Debs]

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work ?

__

A can’t opener.

[Debs]

To be, or not to be a horse rider.
That is equestrian

[Cowsham]

To be, or not to be a horse rider.
That is equestrian

Like it.

[mercalia]

[fausto copy]

My 4 year old grandson has been learning Spanish during the lockdown.
But he still can't say please; which I think is poor for four.

[Cyril Haearn]

How does one know someone is a vegan, vegetarian, evangelical christian, yorkshireperson (etc etc)?
..
She tells one at the first opportunity