Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 24 Jun 2020, 9:58am

How does one know when one is sexist. :wink:

Cyril Haearn wrote:How does one know someone is a vegan, vegetarian, evangelical christian, yorkshireperson (etc etc)?
..
She tells one at the first opportunity :wink:

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 24 Jun 2020, 10:10am

kwackers wrote:How does one know when one is sexist. :wink:

Cyril Haearn wrote:How does one know someone is a vegan, vegetarian, evangelical christian, yorkshireperson (etc etc)?
..
She tells one at the first opportunity :wink:

Are you casting nasturtiums? I use female words a lot to try *not* to be sexist :wink:
Should one use 'she/he', or 'they', or even 'it'?
I use "one" a lot. I belong to a minority group with majority status (male)
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jimlews
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jimlews » 25 Jun 2020, 4:57pm

I am sexist; I much prefer women - the delightful and much more civilised portion of humanity.

jimlews
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jimlews » 25 Jun 2020, 5:38pm

I went to the Doctor the other day, I said:

'Doctor, I've got a nasty pain in the bum'.

Doctor said,

'I see, can you break wind?'

I said,

'Yes thank you'

She said,

No, would you please break wind, now'.

I said,

:oops: BbrrraaahpP'!! Bbraap! Bbraap! Eeahoooooda!!!

She said,

'You have an Abscess'.

I said,

'Goodness gracious me! How do you know that'?

She replied,

'It's the Abscess makes the fart go Honda'

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 26 Jun 2020, 1:24pm

So thats who is in charge. figures?

Image

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 26 Jun 2020, 5:30pm

lawnmower.jpg

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 27 Jun 2020, 6:03pm

Neville the forgetful cannibal was always late for the dinner party.

He was given the cold shoulder, then the elbow.

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 27 Jun 2020, 8:43pm

Debs wrote:Neville the forgetful cannibal was always late for the dinner party.

He was given the cold shoulder, then the elbow.


and since he persisted in this rude habit that was so disrespectful to the host, he was given the finger and then given the boot. But he still tried to keep his foot in the door, so that was added to the menu.

tim-b
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tim-b » 28 Jun 2020, 6:56am

Two cannibals are eating a comedian, Neville asked, "Does this taste funny?"
~~~~¯\(ツ)/¯~~~~

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 28 Jun 2020, 7:47am

'Why are you late for work?' barked the boss

'I fell off the scaffolding' bleated the labourer

'Surely that didnae take three hours!'
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Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 28 Jun 2020, 12:18pm

East Berlin, 1983, privates on parade. A soldier farted
'Where did you get the beans?', barked the sargeant
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Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
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mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 28 Jun 2020, 3:44pm

Cyril Haearn wrote:East Berlin, 1983, privates on parade. A soldier farted
'Where did you get the beans?', barked the sargeant


and he replied

Beanz Meanz Heinz


mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 30 Jun 2020, 9:09pm

Image

well it deserved to be put here also

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 1 Jul 2020, 1:08pm

Capture.JPG

gbnz
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby gbnz » 1 Jul 2020, 1:22pm

Todays Legal Secretary on Radio 4, complaining bitterly that's she's been made redundant and is having to look for a job :(

But as she's stated on numerous occasions on Radio 4* today, there "are too many people, chasing too many jobs" . God, I wouldn't want that Legal Secretary processing my legal matters :lol: (NB. I suspect they keep on repeating it, as the plaintive note adds to the efffect)