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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 24 Jun 2020, 9:58am
by kwackers
How does one know when one is sexist. :wink:

Cyril Haearn wrote:How does one know someone is a vegan, vegetarian, evangelical christian, yorkshireperson (etc etc)?
..
She tells one at the first opportunity :wink:

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 24 Jun 2020, 10:10am
by Cyril Haearn
kwackers wrote:How does one know when one is sexist. :wink:

Cyril Haearn wrote:How does one know someone is a vegan, vegetarian, evangelical christian, yorkshireperson (etc etc)?
..
She tells one at the first opportunity :wink:

Are you casting nasturtiums? I use female words a lot to try *not* to be sexist :wink:
Should one use 'she/he', or 'they', or even 'it'?
I use "one" a lot. I belong to a minority group with majority status (male)

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jun 2020, 4:57pm
by jimlews
I am sexist; I much prefer women - the delightful and much more civilised portion of humanity.

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jun 2020, 5:38pm
by jimlews
I went to the Doctor the other day, I said:

'Doctor, I've got a nasty pain in the bum'.

Doctor said,

'I see, can you break wind?'

I said,

'Yes thank you'

She said,

No, would you please break wind, now'.

I said,

:oops: BbrrraaahpP'!! Bbraap! Bbraap! Eeahoooooda!!!

She said,

'You have an Abscess'.

I said,

'Goodness gracious me! How do you know that'?

She replied,

'It's the Abscess makes the fart go Honda'

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 26 Jun 2020, 1:24pm
by mercalia
So thats who is in charge. figures?

Image

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 26 Jun 2020, 5:30pm
by kwackers
lawnmower.jpg

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 27 Jun 2020, 6:03pm
by Debs
Neville the forgetful cannibal was always late for the dinner party.

He was given the cold shoulder, then the elbow.

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 27 Jun 2020, 8:43pm
by mercalia
Debs wrote:Neville the forgetful cannibal was always late for the dinner party.

He was given the cold shoulder, then the elbow.


and since he persisted in this rude habit that was so disrespectful to the host, he was given the finger and then given the boot. But he still tried to keep his foot in the door, so that was added to the menu.

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 28 Jun 2020, 6:56am
by tim-b
Two cannibals are eating a comedian, Neville asked, "Does this taste funny?"

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 28 Jun 2020, 7:47am
by Cyril Haearn
'Why are you late for work?' barked the boss

'I fell off the scaffolding' bleated the labourer

'Surely that didnae take three hours!'

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 28 Jun 2020, 12:18pm
by Cyril Haearn
East Berlin, 1983, privates on parade. A soldier farted
'Where did you get the beans?', barked the sargeant

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 28 Jun 2020, 3:44pm
by mercalia
Cyril Haearn wrote:East Berlin, 1983, privates on parade. A soldier farted
'Where did you get the beans?', barked the sargeant


and he replied

Beanz Meanz Heinz


Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 30 Jun 2020, 9:09pm
by mercalia
Image

well it deserved to be put here also

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 1 Jul 2020, 1:08pm
by mercalia
Capture.JPG

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 1 Jul 2020, 1:22pm
by gbnz
Todays Legal Secretary on Radio 4, complaining bitterly that's she's been made redundant and is having to look for a job :(

But as she's stated on numerous occasions on Radio 4* today, there "are too many people, chasing too many jobs" . God, I wouldn't want that Legal Secretary processing my legal matters :lol: (NB. I suspect they keep on repeating it, as the plaintive note adds to the efffect)