Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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merseymouth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby merseymouth » 15 Jul 2020, 11:12am

Spot on about Startrek? When they land on an alien planet the one crew member who has to die is always wearing the red uniform top :roll:
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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 15 Jul 2020, 2:10pm

merseymouth wrote:Spot on about Startrek? When they land on an alien planet the one crew member who has to die is always wearing the red uniform top :roll:
It was always in black and white in our house.
Mick F. Cornwall

tim-b
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tim-b » 15 Jul 2020, 3:36pm

Hi
Mick F wrote:
merseymouth wrote:Spot on about Startrek? When they land on an alien planet the one crew member who has to die is always wearing the red uniform top :roll:
It was always in black and white in our house.

He'd have been the one behind the blue uniforms...or was that a snooker commentary from Ted Lowe?
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tim-b
~~~~¯\(ツ)/¯~~~~

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 15 Jul 2020, 6:46pm

tim-b wrote:He'd have been the one behind the blue uniforms...or was that a snooker commentary from Ted Lowe?
Regards
tim-b

Yep, he famously said: "and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green.""

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 15 Jul 2020, 7:52pm

Q. What’s bordering on the ridiculous?

A. Scotland and Wales.

reohn2
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby reohn2 » 15 Jul 2020, 8:07pm

Debs wrote:Q. What’s bordering on the ridiculous?

A. Scotland and Wales.

How true :lol: or should that be :(
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Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 15 Jul 2020, 8:16pm

Poor Wales, so far from God and so close to England.
(I have pinched that from Porfirio Diaz, President of Mexico)

jimlews
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jimlews » 16 Jul 2020, 5:45am

mercalia wrote:Capture.JPG


Kirk had exceptional hearing.

In addition to the normal left and right ears, he also had THE FINAL FRONT EAR!

DaveReading
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby DaveReading » 16 Jul 2020, 7:45am

jimlews wrote:Kirk had exceptional hearing.

In addition to the normal left and right ears, he also had THE FINAL FRONT EAR!


Gosh, I haven't heard that one since the 1950s (in those days it was Davy Crockett, king of the wild front ear).

reohn2
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby reohn2 » 16 Jul 2020, 8:55am

Then there's Scottish Star Trek (language alert):- https://youtu.be/lCrldZnuGi8
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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 16 Jul 2020, 10:22am

reohn2 wrote:Then there's Scottish Star Trek (language alert):- https://youtu.be/lCrldZnuGi8


Despite living in Scotland for years I had trouble with that. Turning on the autogen subtitles didn't help:

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Pastychomper
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Pastychomper » 16 Jul 2020, 10:47am

Mike Sales wrote:Poor Wales, so far from God and so close to England.
(I have pinched that from Porfirio Diaz, President of Mexico)


Reminds me of the comment by Thomas More in A man for all seasons: "It profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world ... but for Wales?"

(I don't know if he considered Wales to be of low value, perhaps he simply recognised that no Englishman could ever truly rule the Welsh, making the other man's title worthless).
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peetee
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 16 Jul 2020, 6:38pm

Audi parts dealerships were due to stay closed for the foreseeable but all their customers just put their foot down.
Current status report:
Back on two wheels in deepest Pastyland and loving every minute. Mission: to enjoy big, bad hills again.

tim-b
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tim-b » 17 Jul 2020, 7:16am

...and there aren't any indications that BMW dealers will re-open
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Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 17 Jul 2020, 8:07am

kylecycler wrote:What has six wheels and flies?

A bin lorry.


:lol: